let’s stop using so many capitals.
It has come to my attention that we spend a lot of time making things bigger and more important than they need to be and it makes these things scary and renders them somehow untouchable.
We’re all capable of amazing professional and personal accomplishments and rich, nourishing relationships. But sometimes, when we build our goals and priorities up into insurmountably huge obstacles in our minds, we freeze.
Wondering if you do this? I’m willing to venture that you do. Let me give you some examples from my own life and the stories I have been told by clients:
I like to meditate, but in my mind, it sometimes turns into Meditate, with a very capital M. I feel this heavy reverence when I think of it. I feel pressure to Meditate: sit in a perfect lotus position, and not be at all distracted while I meet up with the Dalai Lama in my head each morning before eating a pile of chia seeds and skipping off to a yoga class. And so because this all seems so darn arduous and frankly not fun at all, I skip the whole thing, tell myself I’ll do it tomorrow, and go back to my morning coffee. The next day, it’s lather, rinse, repeat.
A former client brought a proposal to me; she had been asked to write a Book. There were many pros and cons to taking on the project, but a big roadblock was that it was a Book and was thus very important and in need of serious concentration and setting-aside of other priorities. The Book wasn’t fun, but a book (little b) may have been.
I am looking forward to what will likely be an epic hiking trip this summer. When I tell people about the planning and the training, I often hear about how much others would love to Be Outdoorsy, or Go Hiking. You want to know my secret? I think of the West Coast Trail, and really any hike, as just a hike. You know, with a small h.
Small letters keep it all fun.
Are you in a relationship or a Relationship?
In our relationships, how often do we stress out trying to carve out Quality Time with our partner when just sharing space and spending time together would be really, really great? How about getting caught up in Sex, when little-s sex and the comfortable intimacy around it would fill you both up?
We have the tendency to make too many things so damn important, and in the process, we miss incredible joy in the small things that make up life.
Here’s your invitation this week:
Soak up the very presence of your partner. Drop the Date Night and the huge expectation, and just enjoy their sense of humour, their views of the world; laugh together and just be. Let go of the should of it (you should spend time together, you should feel close, it should be easy, etc.) and just delight in their company. When we capitalize anything (Meditate, Book, Sex, Quality Time or anything else), we make it a “should” when it really would be so much more fun as a “get to.”
Try it this week and see what shifts. And don’t be shy about letting it carry over to all the areas of your life: Getting Enough Exercise, Eating Well, Running Your Business, Relaxing With Your Hobbies, Spending Time With Family, and even Creating Memories With Your Children.
Ditch the capitals, and embrace that life can be lowercase and lovely.
get real like sexy real
Tara Caffelle is a Relationship and Communication coach. She is passionate about creating connected, almost-uncomfortable-to-watch relationships that are based in Sexy Communication and Big Lives worth rolling around in.
Tara is based in the Lower Mainland of Vancouver and offers custom-designed coaching programs. To claim your free 90+ minutes and see what might be possible for your own super coupledom (or persondom), find a time here.
Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.