Project Bandaloop

 

If I was a dancer, this is whom I would be.

I caught myself wondering this morning, at 45 years old,

post three 10lb baby boys created, built, buoyed and birthed through this body,

almost one year aprés radiation sickness zapping the shit out of tonsil cancer, no bum, no boobs, no breath, no boundaries

one month pre-first-5i50-triathlon, All re:, rebuild, restore, renew, reYes to this body, all mine.

Re-mine

Re-mind

it’s mine

With the scars

I’ve shed

of loneliness, harrowing calls for a fucking hand to grasp on to, curdling sobs of nothing, never, hating to ever ask why, with an empty belly of scraps for answers, lost in existential bullshit truthshit myshit – still lost

no,

I’m not

never have been.

Always found but too poetic to call out

found in the same place I came in.

If I was a dancer, I’d do

This.

I love the muscle, the discipline, the dance.

The ache of yearning to touch the unknowable

Throwing myself wild yet held, trusted, caught.

The throb of music speaking to me through me, threw me as me. In the construct of this body, my home for endless unforgiving beauty, relentless fire of scorching purple, passion, my touch down so tender with each flex, muscled palm, arch, heel

toe, pad pad pad

and fly.

I can fucking fly.

launch wide – out out out still more out

there

curve back, looking up, tumbling every which way my body contorts in partnership with the sky.

with him.

with her.

with them.

I surrender wide, full, brazen

glorious

knowing I am held.

That’s what I would be, if I was a dancer.

Thx to Patti Jo for posting this, it completely changed my morning. I didn’t know I was writing today, but clearly, I was.

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xxT

 

 


TinaO is a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub for all things worth living for, the workshop Live Your Best Story, and her coaching practice:  Tall Poppy Living. She’s also a professional network marketer with a decade in the industry and with her Tall Poppy Living for Network Marketers Coaching Program, she teaches: selling isn’t slimey and marketing isn’t make-believe. You can be yourself and be successful in Direct Sales.

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