Skillset Archives - TinaOLife

Why Write? – VIDEO

September 18, 2017

Do you write for the love of language?

Do you write to learn?

To fall in?

To discover?

Why do you write?

Let’s keep this really simple. Meribeth and I write because it’s how we connect with ourselves, with you, and with the world. Language is like oxygen for us. Writing is Breathing. Writing is your birthright.

Seriously, it is.

Here are some thoughts we shared under an umbrella on a rainy day on the West Coast. We’re a little pixelated because this started out as a Facebook Live so it’s been downloaded and uploaded a few times… but hey, it’s not about how we look, it’s about the message right?

What is important for you to claim, to understand, to share, to experience, to love, to deepen with?

Here’s to YOU and YOUR WRITING…

with support,

TinaO & Meribeth

TinaO and Meribeth Deen are the creators of The Writer’s Compass, a method of writing that encourages being lost as a way to create, connect and deliver writing from the core. Want to join in our online writing group? Check out our Private Facebook Group: Core Story Writers here. You can also find our programs: WRITE and PUBLISH on The Leap Learning Lab.

Meribeth Deen on Why your Book Matters – BLOG

February 22, 2017

Your book. Yes, the one that’s you’re writing in your head. The one that you tell your confidantes about, the one that you know will be great, if you ever get around to writing it.

There are so many reasons not to: a lack of time, not being sure of how to actually take the first steps, you’re insecurity about the way the words you put on the page sound… and then of course, the best excuse of all: you question, do books even matter these days anyway? This is the question I want to answer right now, and the answer is YES, they do matter. And yes, YOUR book matters.

Writing it, is your chance to state your case across party lines, across time, space, race and sex.

Your book is an opportunity to connect, to make an impact. You don’t know who you’ll make an impact with, and you don’t know what the impact will be (although some educated guessing can help in the writing of your marketing plan).

But when you write with integrity, you can move forward with a “strong spine and open heart” to field whatever questions, conversations and criticisms may come your way.

Your book, the one that you know will be great, if you ever get around to writing it.

Your book is an opportunity for growth – you don’t have to be right, and someday you may look back and think how very wrong you were, but you wrote with honesty and so you will honestly own up to having moved on to a new perspective. The book will simply be a record of who you were when you wrote it, and that’s a good thing. It will give you something to measure yourself against.

Why write a book? Because it won’t get lost in the digital ether, like this blog post.

See you in PUBLISH. Read on to find out how you can be on the VIP list to have first in line access for this exclusive program.

Meribeth

If you are a Canadian woman entrepreneur, leader, innovator, millennial or your business offers services to women in Canada we invite you to find out more about LEAP Learning Lab.We are a team of 10 fabulous Canadian women creating opportunities for other Canadian women to accelerate their success and their results across multiple disciplines. We also offer corporate learning solutions for businesses committed to the development of their women leaders.

We are looking for fabulous Canadian women to learn, live and lead with us. Collectively, through learning, we will make each other better humans.

Find out how this fabulous group of Canadian women can help you accelerate your results. CLICK HERE TO JOIN OUR VIP LIST for our upcoming VIP Summit Feb 28th and/or March 1st.

Meribeth Deen is a Journalist and a Story Producer. She’s produced radio documentaries all over the world and brought the stories of whistle-blowers at Guantanamo Bay to the screen. She goes to where the truth lives. She’s kind, process oriented and believes that when writing, you need to get lost in order to find the point.

TinaO’s Three Asks Per Day for Network Marketers – BLOG

February 2, 2017

I learned this a number of years ago when I first started my Network Marketing business: do 3 asks/day.

Ask what? I wondered.

Of course in those days we just asked for the booking, the sale, or the invitation to present the business opportunity, and so that’s what I did, over and over and over again, and boy did it work because the truth is, I rarely did just three. I always did ten or more. In doing so, I became very good at asking, in fact my ask muscle was so strong, I used to tell people that you’ll know you’re a master when you’ve grown a prospecting antennae in your brain. I would tell them this story:

You know how you can be standing at the checkout counter of your local drugstore in the mall but you can spot a lost child one hundred metres away? Somehow, even though it’s the end of the day, you’re busy running a guilty commentary in your head about eating a kitkat bar, all the while you’re thinking about tomorrow’s to do list, the work you didn’t get finished today and yet, bam… you can notice a lost kid across the mall. It’s as if your parent antennae flicks a switch and out of nowhere you are ready to do the 100 metre dash to help that child who is now wimpering over a football field away. That’s the antennae. Over time, I would say, with enough asking, you will build a prospecting antennae that can operate just like that: You will be able to spot a prospect 100 metres away.

And you do.

But then over even more time this will happen:

… when you quit your business, this is what you will tell me “I just couldn’t take it anymore. It was exhausting. I was looking at everyone knowing that I needed to ask them about my products and business because if I didn’t somebody else would.”

Have you ever told yourself that? “If I don’t ask them about my business someone else will”. In fact my favourite quote from the stage by a trainer about this is: “while you’re sitting at home figuring out what to say, I’m out there sponsoring your grandma!” – Yikes. Now there’s some adrenalized motivation. But it is funny. Oh man, I said that over and over and over to myself for months and it made me laugh every time.

If you’ve been in the network marketing industry for any amount of time you will have heard that concept, and if you haven’t, trust me, it’s coming. It’s almost a sales mantra out there. And here’s why: because it’s true. After twelve years into my business I can honestly say that I have lost count of the number of people “I missed out on” after they started with someone else because either I didn’t ask them, or because I did ask them but they didn’t want to do business with me. Oh the rejection…

And then you’ll tell me that you’re quitting because “it’s too heartbreaking”, or “I can’t take the rejection.”

So let’s blow this up shall we? As in, let’s throw a couple of sticks of truth-dynamite into this fear based prospecting style and start over okay?

As a Tall Poppy Network Marketer:

you do NOT take on fear based motivation, instead you follow a simple, sustainable system that produces results, and you follow it.
you do NOT prospect everyone that breathes, instead you introduce your product and business to those whom you would genuinely enjoy consulting and/or working with.
you do NOT attach your self-worth to your product or your business. When someone says no to you, you say, “thanks for telling me. I appreciate that. Here’s how you can find me if you ever have a change of heart and by the way, I do an annual holiday (or Mother’s Day, or Fitness etc…) campaign, can I be in touch with you about that? What is the best way for me to reach you? Email?”

As a Tall Poppy Network Marketer, you WILL follow a system of THREE ASKS/DAY, that’s it, that’s all.

Here’s why:

3 Asks/day takes only twenty minutes of time.

3 Asks/day = 15 asks/week

15 asks/week = 60 brand/product exposures

60 asks/week = a full calendar of bookings.

a full calendar of bookings = the building block business habit of your business.

In my business, my three asks per day are to fill my calendar with ten 30 minute one on one consultations over the phone/week (btw, that means 5 hours of business building activity) where I can ask them questions about what their interests are, tell my story, and offer some samples to try, or offer them a chance to check out my Facebook Group.

Once they’ve done that, I continue the conversation with two follow-ups / day which usually takes about 15 minutes / person and these are usually super casual, via facebook messenger or text (btw that’s 2.5 hours of business / week).

From there, twenty or so will actually want to buy something from me and of those twenty, ten will want something substantial.

And here’s what’s cool – since this method is ridiculously simply, totally relationship based, non-sales-weird, and has no adrenalin or rejection attached to it – these customers usually stay and so do I.

Three asks/day, that’s it, that’s all.

I’m a math person so here’s what it looks like for all of you numbers people out there:

3 ask/day = 60 asks/mth
which become 40 connections (30 minute calls) / mth
which become 20 sales / mth
which become 10 repeat customers / mth
which generates 2 or 3 people interested in my business.

These are good numbers don’t you think?

_____________________________________

TinaO is a Core Story Specialist and a Program Director of PUBLISH with Meribeth Deen for The Leap Learning Lab. She’s a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub to Live, Give and Be Your Story, plus the deep listening weekend retreat Live Your Best Story. She’s been in the PR and Marketing world since she could put words together and has been a professional network marketer for over twelve years. She teaches: selling isn’t slimey, marketing isn’t make-believe and writing your book won’t give you an aneurysm (it’s not hard). You can be yourself in all that you do. In fact, that’s the world is waiting for.

Curious about TinaO’s Network Marketing business? Contact me here. These comments are NOT public, they instead go directly to my email address which is tina@liveyourbeststory.com

Tara Caffelle asks What are Your Foam Blocks? – BLOG

February 1, 2017

Believe it or not, I used to be a pretty serious weight-lifting sort. You would not know it by looking at me now, but I used to lift very heavy things in tiny, short sets, not caring that involuntary grunts escaped me as I did. I worked with a trainer who accepted absolutely zero bullshit from me, and I sometimes had trouble operating the clutch in my car after my workouts.

I’d arrive at Gold’s gym when they opened at 5am in order to get in my training for the day. At home, I would place my workout gear outside the door of my bathroom,and when the alarm went off, I’d shuffle to the bathroom, climb into my clothes like a little fireman, grab my shake and water from the fridge, and leave. I ate accordingly: egg whites and oatmeal for breakfast, followed by five more very strategic meals throughout the day. I drank 3L of water each day, and went for weeks without consuming alcohol.

The me that did all this would go to the occasional yoga class and scoff at the babies in the class – the people who gathered foam blocks and bolsters to comfort themselves during the class and a blanket with which to keep warm in the final savasana.

My punishing ways continued for years. I somehow tied good exercise to struggle and pain and the rejection of any sort of help. At the same time, I was of the mind that my body was my enemy, something to be fixed so that it looked right and was the proper size (whatever that even is!).

That was then.

This week, I went into my usual candlelight yoga class and as I made my way to a spot by the front window, I took a long, peaceful breath and absorbed the calm atmosphere. I took a sip of my green tea before I unrolled my mat and then went to select two foam blocks, a foam cushion, and a bolster.

As I bent to pick up the foam blocks, the ones that help you to get into some of the yoga poses and give your body a break, I smiled, delighting in what I noticed: I wasn’t hesitating for a moment in gathering these items to make my practice easier. Instead of telling my body “YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN!” I was offering it compassion and comfort and support.

It was a really nice thing to notice in the candlelight.

And, as I always do, I am going to apply this to our relationships (I’ve already done this with nearly every client I’ve spoken to since that yoga class!):

Our habit, in relationship, is often to make it fend for itself. We expect it to roll along with us, supporting our every desire while staying resilient and supportive. We treat it like a body-builder living on egg whites and muscle grunts.

What if we instead felt compassion, and gave our relationships what they needed? What if we grabbed a damn foam block and let it be easier?

The ‘foam block’ gets to be whatever you define it to be. Maybe your relationship would really like some quiet evenings at home, rather than an over-scheduled whir of activity. Maybe it wants more affection, care and kindness. The foam blocks in my relationship are making sure we have lots of snuggling time, planning fun outings outside of the house, and finding things to celebrate as we work hard to realize our dreams. These are the things that nurture us both and allow us to get into some pretty strenuous “poses” with ease. (Stay with me and my yoga analogy.)

The invitation is to see where you are not offering compassion to your partner or your relationship and then, preferably by candlelight and with some green tea, ask what it wants in order to feel supported.

_________________________________________

Get Real, Sexy Real.

Tara

Tara Caffelle is a Relationship and Communication coach. She is passionate about creating connected, almost-uncomfortable-to-watch relationships that are based in Sexy Communication and Big Lives worth rolling around in.

Tara is based in the Lower Mainland of Vancouver and offers custom-designed coaching programs. To claim your free 90+ minutes and see what might be possible for your own super coupledom (or persondom), find a time here.
Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

Super Couples Can Change the World – BLOG

November 13, 2016

After the election, I needed to hear about Super Couples. It’s been one hell of a week and I do mean hell. To me hell is what happens when our unspoken, sacred rules of humanity are broken. In this case trashed, burned, buried and even mocked but this is not an article about the election and the demise of trust. No really, it’s not. It’s about love, kindness, relationship and Tara Caffelle.

I bordered on becoming a dangerously sad drunk these past seven days and I’m not talking about booze. As a kid I endured sloppy holidays with intoxicated and teary uncles cornering me between the fridge and the chip dip begging me to never give up on my dreams. Go to school, they said, and don’t turn into me, they begged. Guess what? I grasped their drunken despair this week. I drank a few too many glasses of wine and I ate a lot of chip dip. Still, this is not an article about the election but I can’t seem to get away from it. Neither could Tara or I when we spoke earlier this week.

Tara Caffelle, a relationship coach and a good one – great one – balls to the wall – best one. She likens herself to being a couple’s fairy godmother who with her magic wand of good honest work is here to change the world one Super Couple at a time. In unpredictable times such as these, we all could use a fair godmother don’t you think? We can skip the glass slipper/glass ceiling or whatever…, ditch the carriage that goes poof into a pumpkin at midnight, but let’s keep the wand shall we? Tara’s kind of fairy dust teaches us all how to turn toward each other. We need that. She believes that when we turn in to each other we begin a ripple of loving kindness that can be felt by all. Her message is timely.

I needed her this week and badly. Not because my personal relationship was in trouble, rather because my relationship with the world had it’s teeth kicked in and I found myself feeling gobsmacked reading the ‘I left you and btw I took the kids’ on the American electorate kitchen table. We both felt it. How could we not?

Tara – Helloooooooo… How are you?

TinaO – Oh f*ck… I’m okay. I’m recalibrating you know?

Tara – Yeah, me to. Me too.

TinaO – And all the positive spin spin spin on social media out there, we’re all just coping because it’s all we can do right now.

Tara – Mmmm…. yes, we need to make it understandable for ourselves. Last night I read an article and I thought maybe this will be okay. I’m trying to make sense of this, I’m trying to make it be okay but there’s so much shadow between ‘here and it’s okay‘ and I don’t know that I’m ready to do that. I was humming along just fine before all of this, and now what??? It’s exhausting.

We both realized: How like a relationship this is.

I’ve had my fair share of relationship smack-down moments. I’ve been in love many times which means I’ve also been left at the altar so to speak more times than I care to remember or admit. I don’t believe in soulmates. I don’t believe in the Lord of the Rings version of marriage with One Ring to Rule them All. I don’t believe in ’til death do us part’ – What do I have to die to get out of this? And some people do. I believe in love and I believe in freedom. Love is a renewable resource and freedom is the mother who never dies, who never abandons, whom you can always come home to. I’m a sensible Canadian, but even I can hear the Nationalistic pride in my personal values.

USA = the land of the free and home of the brave.

Canada = our charter of rights and freedoms

and then Love = Love knows no bounds

We are fueled by love. We build countries on it.

Tara – I just keep coming back to the only thing I have control over is what I put out to the world and I think compassionate, loving, soft people who feel at home is what is going to save us.

We’re going to be living in a world where we need to be looking out for everyone. To look around and recognize we don’t take for granted anybody’s safety anymore, we actually have to look out for each other now. We are now all together in this. That’s the invitation. It’s the ultimate in self-care.

In the past, when my relationships have blown up, sometimes I’ve been the one holding the detonator and that’s a hard truth to accept. I have pushed the big red button of blame, of sabotage, of distance, of incrimination and justification. I’ve lashed out. I’ve also hidden from love behind the self-care mask and it sounds like this: What is wrong with you? I expect more. You let me down again. How dare you do this to me. Don’t you know how stupid…? I can’t do this anymore, I’m outta here. Sound familiar?

This kind of self-love is actually self-protection and not love at all, but it’s not exactly fear either. It’s the ring of survival where love and fear meet and duke it out until one is laid out against the ropes and going down and then what do we say? I’ll live to fight another day. Why are we fighting?

This is why Tara’s work is so important. I am you and you are me.

When we actually prioritize our relationships, when we care about our relationships like we would ourselves, when we think about self-care (which btw is the most annoying phrase I’ve ever heard in my life), as our own care, being compassionate to ourselves, we have a full cup to give from and when everyone is feeding from that same giant pool of water, there can be enough. It’s only when we focus on the periphery of our lives, that’s our water source gets empty, and it all starts in relationship. I take care of you, and I take care of us to take care of you, to take care of me. I agree to treat you like you are the most precious being in the world, because you are. …That part just makes me cry.

I’m thinking, oh boy, are we talking about fusion here? This is gonna be pretty dang triggering for those in therapy world so I asked her, is this what your definition of relationship is? I am you, you are me? She thought about it for a quick countdown of five seconds. I could hear her wheels processing, feel her scales weighing, and watch her truth-ometer kick in. Yes, she said. Yes, it is.

I’m stealing from Dan Savage here. He calls it the cost of admission. His cost of admission is having a partner who is a slob in the kitchen. It makes him nuts. Everything is everywhere: the bread, the mustard, the entire kitchen blows up but that’s one of his costs of admission to being in relationship with him. We have different prices to pay and our most challenging and triggering cost is just giving your partner what they need. Asking what does your partner require right now? What do they need, that needs you to give it to them? Just give it to them. I know you don’t want to. I don’t care. Do it because they are asking for it.

I can feel my own personal freedom alarms going crazy as I think: where in our marriage vows does it say I agree to give you what you need simply because you ask for it.

Tara responds:

We take things personally. We get triggered. We react. Let’s not collapse and forget that we manage ourselves by asking and staying in charge of our own needs. It’s as if the relationship becomes a third person in your home and for them to feel welcome and safe, sometimes you have to step over your own bullshit, your own triggers, ego, resentment, and get ACTIVATED by saying NO, my relationship needs this from me right now.

After fifteen years of marriage I can honestly say that I have been in places where the resentment was so deep and the pain was too debilitating to know what to do so I asked, what happens when the ‘love tank’ we talked about above is empty, rusted or has a hole in it? What if you can’t find the energy to step over your ego as you say?

Sometimes the cost of admission here is to be really fucking gentle right now, to not get triggered… even though you do feel triggered, to just to AGREE that we are going to be really, really kind to each other. We can ask, how can we be a little more gentle and caring? How can we hold each other? Sometimes it starts with the smallest things like shutting off netflix to cuddle or have a shower together. We can ease into making tiny threads of connection by turning towards each other on our way back to centre.

We riffed on the question, What if your relationship was a guest at a Christmas party, who would they be? The drunk uncle on a soapbox? The clingy girlfriend? Are you sulking in the corner? On the make? Playing an instrument by yourself? Gorging at the buffet? Or are you still standing at the front door waiting to be asked in?

At TinaOLife, Tara writes a regular column called Where Relationships Get Real and there’s no denying that what we witnessed in the USA over the last year and a half was pretty toxic and yet dangerously real. We watched it all and not just the two leaders in survival mode throwing jabs and sucker punches at each other, but we saw a huge section of the population changed sides. They went from silent to outraged, respectful to hate filled, and contained to dangerous. It’s as if the land of the free and the brave left their marriage for the promise of power and domination. So I asked about betrayal. Is this what we do when our needs aren’t being met? Is this how affairs happen?

Yes, we begin to look outward. When needs aren’t being met, when we’re feeling injured, when there’s disconnect, when we feel distanced in some way… It’s so easy for a fracture to turn into a big crack and then grow into a gash between. When the relationship bank account is at bedrock we will look for other ways to fill it.

We can do that for each other, and things don’t have to be ‘hard’ or ‘wrong’ to start. We all need a little extra cushion for these exact reasons and kindness costs us nothing.

That really resonated for me.

Kindness costs nothing.

There’s a graffiti tag I’d like to see more of.

The bottomline for me is that great functioning relationships ripple out and change the world. I’m here to support those ripples in all the ways I can. I’m an empathic person and I feel all the shit that’s going on in the world, I feel it so heavily, and this is how I can take action, it starts with you and me.

I can hear it again: I am you, you are me.

Tara has a workshop coming up on Nov. 19th for the day (10am-5pm). It’s called The Super Couple Tune Up and let’s be real here – if Barack Obama can meet with Donald Trump in the Oval Office, turn in to him, talk, and then shake his hand, who are we to deny ourselves the deepest most delicious and rewarding connection with the person we continue to choose to be with? For heaven’s sake people, we LOVE our partner. Just get there would ya?

When I asked her what happens there she answered me as the Fairy Godmother that she is:

It’s pretty simple. You’re hanging out with your most beloved for a whole day and getting to learn a few things and have some lightness and sweetness between you. There’s no dancing bears, no walking on coals. It’s a relationship workshop because we know, living in the same house doesn’t make a marriage or a connection. And it’s okay to have conflict, part of the workshop is WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR EACH OTHER? LET’S TALK ABOUT THAT? What do you need from me? How can I actually support that for you? I’m here to serve you as much as you need to, and I hope that after a day with me, you don’t have to come back because sometimes all you need is just a little tune up.

Come as a couple. Come as a pair.

It’s like the Arc you can only get in two by two.

Tara Caffelle and TinaO After the Election 2016

It took one and a half years to bring the divide of the United States to the surface so we can all see and hear the reality of the division. As a Canadian, as a wife, as a mother, as a friend, as a community member, as a person in traffic, someone who orders coffee, shops in stores, signs paperwork, makes agreements, pays bills and spends money, as a human being who lives in an ever constant relationship with the boring and painful, ecstatic and joyful, as a body whose bare feet are in communion with the earth and a spirit who touches the sky, relationship is the only bond we all share, like it or not.

I needed Tara Caffelle this week because my faith and willingness to show up again shook. My marriage with humanity brought me to my knees and I wanted to take my ring off. I believe her. Healing starts at home. When we are blessed with a home where love lives because we nurture it in the face of our own shaking vulnerability and we practice, daily, turning into one another, we show up with the Big S on our chest for Super Couple and we ripple love and sexy kindness out into the world.

You can’t hate, fear or divide from someone when you know them. I am you and you are me. Thank you Tara.

Tara Caffelle is a relationship coach who was married, then married in an open marriage, then divorced, then single, and now is in a happy and fulfilling monogam-ish relationship with a guy she seems to never get tired of. She’s a writer and is currently working on her first book about grief and love and intimacy which she found when she lost her best friend, her dog and 3 other people in the span of one year and 20 days.

She believes that sometimes we have to be brave enough to break our own hearts that our relationships set us free and that good ones, SUPER COUPLE ones, can, and will, change the world.

TinaO is a Core Story Specialist, a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub for all things worth living for, and the workshop Live Your Best Story. She’s also a professional network marketer with a decade in the industry and she teaches: selling isn’t slimy and marketing isn’t make-believe. You can be yourself and be successful in Direct Sales.

That Money Thang #5 – VIDEO

November 1, 2016

Money, it’s been my silent partner for years.

Avoidance, there’s another one who has been taking up space as a stow-away and not so quiet friend of mine.

Worth, yuck, yup, that one is here too, she lives in my shoe laces because then I can hear two voices. On one foot I hear awesomeness, I know it, I own it, I rock it, and I celebrate it. When that lace speaks I’m totally there holding hands and stepping forward, but then there’s the other shoe…

You see, it depends on the subject I’m lacing up.

Have you ever put skates on a kid? I’m a hockey mom and while my husband has been running the sports department in our house for the last decade, we’re now out-numbered with our third getting on the ice this year so I’m the one in his locker room doing my darndest to keep his ankles from rolling in. Let’s just say that I’m doing a better job with his alternate foot than I am with mine.

I totally wobble with my self-worth in certain areas, specifically my resource of which we all have three: Our time, our money and our energy. I’ve been on a self-avoidance spending tare for years.

That Money Thang is my latest journey through this thing called life because as I’m sure you’ve heard me say before (and I didn’t come up with it), we’re here for two reasons: to LOVE and to LEARN and isn’t it fortunate that the very things we need to learn also deliver us the self-love required to make a radical shift in the icky sticky stuckness of our life.

This week’s That Money Thang sees me celebrating because after eight years of procrastinating over two overstuffed bags of contacts and long over due follow-up to and from business dealings I’ve had, I poured seven hours into cleaning them up. It’s kinda shocking that eight years of hiding and tolerating which btw is a total of 70,080 hours can be tidied up in only seven. I realize that I may have been sleeping for 50% of those hours but let’s be honest about that too – that kind of procrastination does not generate deep slumber. My body did get cancer remember? Hmmm… right, an immune system shut down with invitation for disease to move in, how did lack of sleep not contribute to that?

Never again.

Procrastination = Worry = Sleepless nights = Recycled self-loathing = Empty self-worth = Panic = Procrastination = Worry = Sleepless nights = …disease.

Never again.

Here’s my jubilant walk with my pup as I celebrate rockin’ my own value, and yes that pun was totally intended.

Are you getting my drift here? This thing called self-worth and procrastination and stuffing it and and and… it’s all connected.

Do you want to feel more value in your life?

Maybe you want to join me and eleven others with a similar experience for Live Your Best Story, a weekend retreat nestled in an ecological sanctuary just twenty minutes away from Horseshoe Bay, West Vancouver.

Three times per year I host LYBS a weekend retreat on Bowen Island for those who want to do just that: LIVE their BEST Story. We spend 36 hours together listening to the story within you that wants to be known, loved and honoured.

Nothing can move from a rocky shore until a King (or Queen) Tide comes in, and that tide is you and your self-love.

If this sounds intriguing or delicious to you, why not send me a message below or at tina@liveyourbeststory.com and we’ll set up a free inquiry call to find out more.

I believe in you.

I know you have love inside of you.

xxT

TinaO is a Core Story Specialist, a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub for all things worth living for, and the workshop Live Your Best Story. She’s also a professional network marketer with a decade in the industry and she teaches: selling isn’t slimey and marketing isn’t make-believe. You can be yourself and be successful in Direct Sales.

Everyday Adventures – BLOG

October 14, 2016

every-day-adventures

When I had Baxter (the basset hound), it would come to that time of the day when I knew he needed to get outside to collect some new smells and waddle around the neighbourhood. I would wrap up the work I was doing and say, “Let’s go on an adventure!”

You see, I could never use the word “walk” without making our departure a little crazy. All hell would break loose, with Baxter pacing in circles, whining, and “following” me by walking ahead and blocking my every step, lest I try to leave the house without him.

Now that Baxter is gone—he passed away in May—I have no need to go outside for a walk each day. But I have come to enjoy thinking of life as a series of adventures. It was easy in the summer as we found endless craft breweries to try out, hikes to hike, and outdoor movies to lie about in a park to watch. Everything was an adventure. Now that it’s fall, we’re settled into being at home, wearing slippers around the house, and launching Netflix marathons. The only adventure is seeing if we can squeeze in another episode of Downton Abbey before one of us drifts off into a slack-jawed slumber.

Perhaps I exaggerate a touch, but it’s partly true. It’s not okay with me that I spend more time at my desk than anywhere else. So I roped The Mister into a brainstorm session to plot out some Everyday Adventures we can enjoy together.

Here’s what we came up with:

Choosing and preparing dinner when we’re both home. Much discussion and Pinterest-referring ensues, followed by a quick scour of available ingredients in the pantry and wine rack. Dinner for two becomes a playful indoor date.
Hiking and biking and other sweaty things. This idea is a win all-around; we get exercise, we get fresh air, and we get to smugly go through the rest of the day in a glorious caloric deficit.
Going to a whole new neighbourhood to grocery shop or sit in a coffee shop. I do this often when I am writing and looking for some fresh inspiration. A change of venue gives me a new perspective or a gentle nudge outside of my comfort zone. I figure it’s a great idea for relationships, too.
Buying tickets for random events in the city. We have many mini-adventures to look forward to where we get to dress up (we are both working from home a fair bit and turning into rather cozy cubicle-mates, so this is always a good thing!) and make a date night of it. In the next few months, we will go see Danny Bhoy, Louis CK, and Interesting Vancouver and we’re having fun researching the before-and-after of the plans.
Planning adventures in other places. We are in the process of booking an escape to somewhere hot when the Vancouver rain is at its most plentiful, and a weekend escape to Jasper. While the trips will be really fun, so much joy comes from the preparation we are doing now.
Thrift store treasure hunting. One of us will get a nutty idea or decide we need something—I am on the lookout for a big, sloppy pair of overalls I can wear when I paint, for instance—so we will make a little outing to a big thrift store and spend a couple of hours goofing off as we look for treasures. Last time, we came across a GIANT teal sombrero and I wore it around the store as I looked through old prom dresses. So fun.
Connecting with old friends and bringing them into the adventurous loop for games, dinners and catching up. Now that summer and all the frantic squeezing-in of outdoor fun has ended, it’s nice to connect again.

When we set the intention that we are here for “adventure” (however tame that might actually look), it helps us to find fun in whatever is going on. So what are your “adventures” going to be this week? How will you be intentional with your time? Tell me, tell me, and maybe I can steal your ideas!

Get Real, Sexy Real

Tara

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

Five in Five – How to Create a Magical Connection – BLOG

October 6, 2016

five-in-five

It only takes five hours per week to maintain a strong, connected relationship. Yes, I did just give you a formula.

You are welcome.

Here’s the in-brief version for all of you scanners out there, but I invite you to watch the video below, because scanning a quick read isn’t doing, and five hours isn’t five minutes.

Get the connection?

Just sayin’

Five Things you can do in your Magical Five Hours of Connection.

1) Parting – spend 2 minutes each work day saying good-bye thoughtfully
2) Reunion – spend 10 minutes connecting at the end of your work day sharing, witnessing and championing each other
3) Admiration and Appreciation – spend 5 minutes each day acknowledging and noticing all that your partner IS and DOES
4) Affection – spend 5 minutes each day (minimum) touching each other and showing affection
5) Date Night – steal away for a minimum of 2 hours each week to nurture the relationship that started your lives together.

Get Real, Sexy Real.

Tara

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

When Team Awesome Splits – BLOG

September 22, 2016

My Column was hijacked by the news…

For my column this week, I was planning to write about my 30 Days of Movement project, which started at the beginning of September. My partner Bill and I thought it was time to stop acting like frat boys on a restaurant patio as the summer came to an end. I noticed that as I squeezed every last drop of joy from the end of the summer, I was also squeezing and wrestling myself into my jeans and Bill was in the same boat. We decided it was time to move our bodies and start to treat them like beer-tasting amusement parks.
And that’s been going quite well. We’ve moved, and eaten better, and we’re sleeping better and I even took a photo of my “art” to include.

YAY FOR US.

And then I heard the news about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie divorcing and it’s all I can think about today, and the thoughts are plentiful and also jumbled.

I will preface all this by telling you that, no, I am not a personal friend of the Pitt-Jolies. (Although, I will say it out loud right now that I have a dream where I coach celebrity relationships. There.) I only know of them what I read and see on social media, and of course took a side when the relationship began in the first place, initially siding with Jennifer Aniston and wondering what went so wrong with the couple who exchanged quirky wedding vows in which they agreed to “split the difference on the thermostat” in their home.

What has shaken me:

That relationships start and take off and also fall apart around us all the time, and I think these endings make me feel a little vulnerable. I tend to hold closer to what I have and make sure that I talk about it with Bill. We celebrate and frequently acknowledge that we are Team Awesome, and he tells me he adores me about 456 times a day, so I never doubt that, and guess I just make a point of connecting with him on a deeper level. I know that relationships are built on long foundations, but that they also can crumble in the same way that we fall in love and fall asleep; a bit at first and then all-at-once. The endings of relationships remind me how fragile life and connection really are and that they must be nurtured.

I know that we don’t ever, ever really know what’s going on in someone’s relationship; they may have made agreements (with which they are both satisfied) about monogamy and what may or may not go on during a trip to Vegas, and they may be struggling behind-the-scenes, but able to put on the bravest face to the outside world. We don’t know because it’s not ours, and all we can do is witness what we do see. I don’t demand to know the truth from anyone, but this reminds me that we don’t have the whole story, and as sure as we are to vote and take a side in it, it is like an iceberg about which we know a teeny, tiny part.

It’s easy to be in relationship when there’s harmony around us, isn’t it? But take away a couple who has been in our circle for years, drinking wine with us at dinner parties and throwing their kids into the mix with ours, and it’s suddenly really close and a little harder to be with. We start to feel less sure as we hurt for them and with them. We may feel like we need to take a side, and perhaps we mentally take some revenge. It shakes us all and challenges all the rings around a relationship, much like the ripples left when a stone is tossed in a lake. The edges move when the centre is rocked.

As I research for an upcoming intensive I am running in November, I am learning that divorce rates are actually falling and now sit at around 40%, and while I know that relationships can seem fragile, they also have the capability to be strong and resilient and durable. And also supportable. A lot of the crap that does us in can be mitigated and prevented with regular care and maintenance. I’m certainly not saying that “Brangelina” could have been saved, necessarily, but that we can do things to keep ourselves on the winning side of the statistics.

I think we all want to believe in the happy endings we see, don’t we? Brad and Angelina were up to good things as a team (or so it seemed) with the kid-adopting-and-rearing, conscious living and deep philanthropy. I wanted to believe that they would make it and that they didn’t shatters some cool illusions I had been carefully building.

I quite expect to be knocked sideways by shootings and unfairness and hatred in the world, but my quaking I feel from this is surprising to me.

Tell me, please, what does hearing about this sort of thing do to you in your relationship? What has you know that you’re on solid ground? What are you going to tell your partner when you see them next to connect in with your own Team Awesome?

Get Real, Sexy Real.

Tara

September is SMOOTH like Peanut Butter

September 14, 2016

I heard a great expression today:

“September. It’s like time clicks over from molasses to wine.”

So true, isn’t it?

I had a glorious summer of working when I wanted to, on things that resonated with me, and now it’s time to hit-the-ground with it all and put things back into action. I have re-stocked the pantry for cooking and nesting and making out with my slow-cooker, I have hauled out the winter boots and sweaters and I’ve made a pot of tea almost every afternoon to keep me company as I write.

And I am not alone in my Sprint September ways, am I? I hear from clients that kids are back in school, and it’s already mayhem. Some are juggling businesses, and gaining parents, and epic exhaustion as the light seems to fade earlier and earlier as we tumble toward the shortest day of the year in just a few months.

I have been offering some simple solutions all week in these calls, and so I am here to share them with you, too. (You don’t even have to be working with me—aren’t you lucky?)

I hope you are easing into the transition to fall, and as always, if I can support you in any way, you know where to find me.

Until next week,

Tara

Get Real, Sexy Real.

Tara

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.