Speaking of Sparkles Archives

The Love & Conversation Sandwich

June 23, 2016

Years ago, I painted a giant acrylic canvas and was never quite happy with it. It sat on my easel wanting attention until I moved, when it was tucked beside a pile of books in a storage unit. I pulled it out more than a year later when I was finally ready to complete it. On the swirling backgrounds of plums, creams, and greys, I painted this quote by Julia Child: “Cooking is like love; it should be entered into with abandon or not at all.”

And I still didn’t like it. I wanted to paint over it, but was hesitant. While I waited for inspiration to strike again, I hung it in the entry of my house.

When I was visiting my parents at their mega-RV- mansion in Arizona last December, I was discussing art with my mom. I told her about this painting that I was never really happy with. I flipped through the hundreds of photos in my phone to find a shot of the painting to show her.

Expecting the obligatory mom response of “Oh, honey! It’s beautiful!”, I was puzzled when she looked at the photo and remained silent.

“Well?” I prompted.

“Um. Yeah. It’s pretty bad, honey.”

Well, at least she called me “honey.”

Earlier this year, I was at a retreat and nabbed some alone time with an actual professional artist who had been telling us about the “Love Sandwich.” That’s where we request feedback to be snuggled in love by asking first what works about a piece, then asking what doesn’t work, and then asking for more feedback of what is great about it. We’re all human and feedback can be hard to take. This seemed like a nice approach.

I told her about my mom and the Julia Child painting and she visibly cringed. She reminded me about The Love Sandwich method and invited me to use it next time I was asking for someone’s thoughts about something I had made.

Armed with this sandwich idea, I continued on with my work, and wouldn’t you know it, over the course of one week three clients were struggling to have difficult conversations with well-meaning loved ones. And thus the Conversation Sandwich was born!

The principle is the same, but instead of asking for feedback it’s about asking for what we need in relationship.

The Conversation Sandwich – Top

We start our sandwich, the bread and mayo, if you will, with delicious acknowledgment:

I am so touched that you want to spend time with our newborn and support us…

I have missed you so much and it hurts me that we haven’t talked very much…

You are such an special part of my life and it’s really important to me that we spend time together…

The Conversation Sandwich – Middle

And then we add the meat, which is the request we have of the situation so that it be different:

…and I would love your support in giving us time as a newborn family before we let the world in.

Can we talk about that…?

…And even though I’ve moved to a different city, I would love to find ways for us to stay in touch. Do you ever use Skype…?

…And it feels like we’ve both been really preoccupied. I would love it if we could make a plan to go for a walk…

The Conversation Sandwich – Bottom

The sandwich is complete when we add the lettuce (let us!) and the second piece of bread:

…Our baby is so lucky to have you as a grandmother and I’m so lucky to have you in my corner on this!

…I would feel so much less homesick if I could have regular chats with you about what I’m missing back home…we could even enjoy some wine and make a date of it!

…I have some time next week and I have been dying to ask you about your kitchen renovation!

See? Easy. Acknowledge/spackle on some sincere flattery, make a request, and throw in some sweetness. Done.

Happy conversatin’! I so love sharing these thoughts with you each week and I invite you to let me know about your riotous success as you ask for what you want. Your healthy communication is really important to me. (See what I did there? SANDWICH.)

Get Real, Sexy Real

Tara Caffelle

Tara Caffelle is a Relationship and Communication coach. She is passionate about creating connected, almost-uncomfortable-to-watch relationships that are based in Sexy Communication and Big Lives worth rolling around in.

Tara is based in the Lower Mainland of Vancouver and offers custom-designed coaching programs. To claim your free 90+ minutes and see what might be possible for your own super coupledom (or persondom), find a time here.

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

Boyfriends vs. Husbands

June 10, 2016

This topic came to me a few weeks ago when I saw our delightful TinaO posting on Facebook about her ‘boyfriend’ who is actually her devoted husband:

It got me thinking.

What is our default when it comes to relationship?

There is definitely a different tone to a relationship once it gets more serious; less dressing up for one another, more staying in to crash on the sofa with Netflix, and more sharing of…bodily functions.

I think we seek comfort and familiarity and happily fall into easy patterns once we’ve committed to being with someone. In addition, the intoxicating New Relationship Energy that flooded early interactions, causing a euphoria that replaced eating and sleeping, eventually fades so that we can get on with building a life together.

That is all well and good, but I would assert that we get to choose how we are in our relationships, regardless of how long you’ve been in them and being conscious about your behaviour is the key.

If you’ve been a wife or a husband so long that you don’t remember dating, try this on: behave in a way that feels like you are back in the land of wooing your mate; dress up for your time together, make some plans, hold the door open, make your signature recipe, give a back rub…you get to decide. I invite you to be conscious and notice how you were and also how you are.

As always, don’t be shy, let me know how it goes and what you discover over in Tara’s Play Space on Facebook.

Get Real, Sexy Real

Tara

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

Tara Caffelle VLOG#2 – Netflix, Men and Relationships

May 26, 2016

Intro from me, TinaO:

Okay… I know legendary actor John Cusack crosses generations of fans. If you’re over 40 and you’re a woman, you probably had his TigerBeat picture on your locker. If you’re under 30, I bet you know who he is, and I’m almost positive you’ve seen his iconic Say Anything boombox scene haven’t you? And if not, you’ve witnessed his rainy romantic, heart fluttering scene replicated in multiple movies since, you just didn’t know it. It’s true, Say Anything slayed us children of the 80s women in the same way The Graduate and Love Story did in the 60s and the 70s, and When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle did in the 90s and then Love Actually, Knocked up and Juno in the the 2000s. We LOVE our RELATIONSHIP MOVIES don’t we?

Today, in 2016, not only do we get to witness lots of gritty love drama in our favourite shows like: House of Cards, Scandal and The Walking Dead (btw we are in a gruesome era of love aren’t we?), but we can also access the progression of LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS over the decades on NETFLIX.

Hmmm… here’s what our Relationship Guru lady Tara Caffelle has to say about it in her very own new love-mobile (no, not mobile like mobile phone, but mobeel as in vehicle).

Enjoy…

WATCH HERE:

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

Chuck that Shit – Tara Caffelle Vlog

May 14, 2016

So, I have a bit of a love affair with the peeps on this site. I fell for Tara when we first sat down together a number of years ago and as is the courtship thang… love happens incrementally. So here’s the thing: I love listening to this gal. A few weekends ago we hooked up for a cuppa joe and some eggs and caught up on life, love and our vision.

I said to her: Thought bubble! oh man… I just had a thought! Would you be willing to VLOG for TinaOLife? There’s an energy to you that comes through only in experiencing you. You’ve got this kooky coolness that I think a vlog would capture differently than your writing. What do you think?

Guess what she said…

ummmm YES!

So here she is… speaking straight to you about making space by CHUCKING THAT SHIT…

Get Real, Sexy Real

Tara

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

The 100% Lean In

March 3, 2016

I’m always going on and on about how we are in relationship with everyone in our lives, from our barista at Starbucks to whomever we land with in bed at the end of the day, and I also know that each of those relationships can be happily designed. We do this with the 100% lean-in.

Today, I want to focus on Starbucks. Yep, you read that right: it’s a great example of The 100% Lean in, and I think once you understand this, you can apply it all over the place.

Our job, if you will, as a customer at Starbucks, involves the following steps: enter the building (for the sake of argument, let’s not include the drive-through option), walk up to the counter, order our coffee, pay for our coffee, thank the barista, put whatever accoutrements into the coffee, and leave with said coffee. Doing all of these things without any sort of hiccups can be considered showing up for your job at 100%.

The barista’s job is to cheerfully take our order, accept our payment, deliver our beverage to us, and say thank you. Doing all of these things constitutes showing up 100%.

Are you still with me?

What I know is that 100% can look different on different days. I will outline what not-quite 100% looks like and how we can easily adjust to make it so.

Scenario: You get to the counter and realize you have forgotten your wallet in the car and have no way to pay for your beverage. What would make it 100%?: Ask for what you need. Tell the barista what has happened so that your order can be held until you can get your money and the line-up behind you can proceed with their orders.

Scenario: You are in in the middle of an important phone call on your mobile, and while you sincerely wish it would end in time for you to order your coffee, that is not the case, and instead of ordering, you must continue your conversation. (See how I give you the benefit of the doubt that you’re not just standing in line, staring at your phone, oblivious to all that is happening around you?). What would make it 100%?: Step aside, ask the person you are on the call with to give you a moment so you can order, or pretend you just went through a tunnel and hang up (it’s the nature of phones that people are able to call us back—cool, right?).

Scenario: You approach the counter and the barista is telling her co-worker about the wicked concert she saw last night, complete with an air guitar impression. What would make it 100%?: Trick question! This one is on the barista. You’re welcome to get the barista’s attention in a respectful way, but this is really up to the barista to make up the difference, and that is by ending her inappropriate conversation and take your order.

Scenario: The barista is nowhere to be seen and you peer over the counter and see that he is kneeling on the floor putting some cups away behind the counter. How to make it 100%: Again, this is up to the barista to make up. All that is needed is a quick “I’ll be right with you!”

Scenario: Hot coffee in hand, you go to the sugar-adding station and you get stuck behind a guy who has his stuff spread all over everywhere. You can’t even get to the sugar. What would make it 100%?: The guy can turn to you and say, well, anything. “So sorry, I’ll get out of your way” or (this is one I use all the time) “Argh! I’m quite a tornado, aren’t I? Can I pass you the cream?”

What this means for more intimate relationships:

In relationships that run a little deeper than coffee, we can apply these ideas; when you notice that you’re showing up less than your 100% ideal, explain why, and then ask for what you need. Conversely, if your partner is failing to show up and meet your expectations in a way that feels like 100% for you, ask (in a caring way) what is happening that you can maybe be more understanding about. (They may not have ready this post and be as in tune with what 100% looks like!).

A few quick examples come to mind:

● You have a deadline coming up at work and know you will be preoccupied all week. So you ask your partner for their patience and understanding

● You suffer from horrendous seasonal allergies, and your partner has planned a full day of fun on the day you have off together. You ask for a little time for your allergy meds to kick in.

● You meet an old friend for dinner and although you would love to really catch up, you can’t stop thinking about how your grandmother is really sick and you aren’t able to fly out see her. You explain to your friend why you are not really present.

Showing up at 100% looks different on any given day.

The good news is it’s really easy to notice when you’re falling short and ask for what you need to make up the difference.

It’s also worth taking a look at how, in our relationships, we sometimes lean in more or less than 100%, which can lead to resentment, and mistrust and a whole host of other things, but I will leave that for another week. Until then, go grab a coffee at Starbucks, and think of me!

Get Real, like Sexy Real

Tara

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

Four Agreements for Relationships

February 25, 2016

I read the actual Four Agreements book several years ago and vomited in my mouth a little; although quite popular and I’m sure groundbreaking if you are, say, new to the planet, I found it overly simplistic and a complete waste of time—do we really need to be told to act with integrity and not gossip? Do we really need a whole book to illustrate this? And it was written as though this was some magical ancient wisdom being passed down through the centuries when to me, it was simply common sense.

I have found, in the last several years, as I’ve spoken to clients and groups, that a few agreements seem to come up again and again when it comes to relationships: I have piled them together for you here in this tiny little blog post.

This is some of my most cherished wisdom. It might just be your lucky day.

Agreement #1

We all have a right to notice what is happening around us and voice it.

Imagine this scene: you’ve arrived at a dinner party and you notice that your partner is acting quite coldly to the hosts. You are fully aware that your partner doesn’t really like these people, so you assume that he/she is having a lousy time and wants to leave for that reason.

What if, instead of assuming and maybe fuming that your partner was ruining your night, you actually noticed what was happening and voiced it? “Darling, you seem a little off tonight. What’s happening for you?”

Your partner can then explain what is actually going on to make them behave in this way. Maybe they just found out that they are being laid off from work and didn’t want to spoil your evening with the news, or maybe he/she spotted the host sneaking off to a hotel room with a stranger and is uncomfortable. It could be either of these or none of these—you don’t know!

This one is actually a secret intimacy-builder: when we notice and connect with the people around us with our observations, it creates intimacy. Even with strangers, and especially with the people we love the most.

Think about what could have happened in each of these examples:

You notice an overwhelmed mom in the parking lot of the grocery store, juggling a baby and a toddler and a cart full of crazy, and you say, “It looks like you’ve got your hands full—can I help?”

You’re waiting in line to board a plane at the airport and notice that the woman next to you is reading a book that you just finished and hated and you say, “I see you’re reading Fifty Shades of Awful Writing. How are you finding it?”

Your daughter comes home from a school dance and seems quiet and sullen and you say, “You don’t seem to be as excited as you were before the dance started. What was it like?”

We are always allowed to observe, and let’s be honest: we’re all doing it all the time, and we are also making assumptions about what we see. When we voice what we see, we invite other people to be intimate with us. And in case you’re new here, I will remind you that I think that is the name of the whole game.

Agreement #2

We can (and have a responsibility to) ask for what we need.

I remember this really vividly: I was spending the summer with a beloved aunt who lived several hours away from us. I think her work schedule had conflicted one afternoon that I was there, so she asked a friend who ran a daycare to entertain me for the afternoon. I basically just hung out and read while she tended to the little kids in her care.

I remember being absolutely starving and being too shy to ask for something to eat. I assumed that she would eventually offer me something, but she was wrapped up in the daycare duties and didn’t. As the afternoon wore on, and I grew more and more hungry, I was silently feeling really resentful.

When my aunt finally arrived to pick me up and was chatting with her friend, it came up that I hadn’t eaten basically all day. I clearly remember her incredulous question: “Why didn’t you ask for something, love?”

Good question.

Whether we need heat to be turned on because we are cold, or some kind words at the end of a long day, we have the right and responsibility to ask. No one has to give it to us, but we get to ask. And I’ll let you know that most of the time, you get what you ask for. People like to grant wishes like that. Try it.

Agreement #3

No one is here to take care of anyone else.

I have thousands of examples for this one, but it boils down to this: we are all meant to go through life and have our very own experiences of what is happening. When we take care of others and make it easier for them, or shelter them, we are doing no favours. It can be challenging to step back and remind yourself that people can handle their own lives, but it’s worth it, and also worth practicing on an ongoing basis.

When I used to leave my pets with a house sitter, I would haul out this four-page tome of instructions to explain the every nuance of running my 700-square foot home. Seriously. I thank every house sitter I ever had for not smacking me on the face as I went through them all. After a while, and after I started coaching and holding my clients as naturally creative, resourceful and whole, I stopped this nonsense and now I let them know the basic routine of the dog, how much he eats, and how to reach me. No kitchens are particularly mysterious, so I think whomever it is can snoop their way to success in my absence.

I invite you to look at where you might be care-taking and let go. Let the people you love make mistakes and have their very own shiny experiences of life—it’s how we learn.

Agreement #4

We are all just doing our best.

This struck me years ago, when I was taking a course with Landmark Education. The instructor pointed out that no matter how bad of a job our parents did in raising us, their only objective was to keep us alive until we left their care. They were always doing the best that they could with what they knew at the time.

It’s so, so true.

Someone else’s “best” might look like what you would consider your worst, but I encourage you to be your most empathetic and remember that they are trying. Even if they’re cutting you off in traffic. Even if they are breaking your heart. Even if they are not speaking to you at all while you’re trying to have an argument with them. If we all remembered this one thing of the people we encounter, think of how different our everyday interactions would be.

Common sense that changes relationships.

These four agreements are the basis for a lot of the work I do with couples. They’ve helped my clients ensure their own needs are met, while learning how to better understand and appreciate each other, even during the messy times—especially then. I use them as cornerstones in my own relationships, reminding myself of them again and again as I strive to live a big, heart-led life.

I would love for you to try some of them out and let me know what you notice. (I know you didn’t have to read 132 pages to get the wisdom, but I promise it’s still valid.)

Wishing you an agreement-filled week and I would love to hear your comments below.

Get Real, Sexy Real

Tara

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

Are you a SUPER COUPLE? Bring on HUMP DAY with Tara Caffelle

January 20, 2016

As per yesterday’s teaser, this is TinaOLife’s very own Lady Hump leading the charge on all things relationship. We’re opening her regular weekly Where Relationships Get Real post here at TinaOLife with a question from me, TinaO and you can too – feel free to send us a thought, question, wondering, or quandary below if you have a burning ‘sex, love, intimacy and relationship’ Q as well. Okay… so on to my first question to rock out Tara’s first post…

TinaO – Tara, you know my history with Mr. Todd and that our relationship has been the greatest teacher for both of us (which means it ain’t been easy as you know). You talk about ”super couples”, what does that mean exactly? And do you think it’s possible for everyone?

Tara: The Very Official definition of a Super Couple (based on what I found in the Very Official Urban Dictionary, anyway!) is a couple who “overcomes adversity and repeatedly reunites” – think Soap Opera couples like Luke and Laura or Bo and Hope. (Ah…Remember Bo and Hope? I think I was addicted to them…)

But I digress.

I like this definition well enough, but I would add to it: Super Couples are resilient. They keep seeking and choosing, even when it’s hard and it just plain sucks and it’s the testing-the-vows part of things. The beginning is fun; anyone can do the beginning, when it’s new and the stress hormones are flowing and la-la-la-we-have-the-same-taste-in-music!

Super Couples are in. They are intuitively committed to The Relationship, and not just their own well-being. There is a focus on the other and because each of them is doing this, the relationship benefits.

Super Couples are in.

They’re relentlessly brave. They might be afraid, but they also know the best life is on the other side of the prickly stuff.

They engage in what I call Sexy Conversation. I call it this because it can (and should) resemble sex in many ways; raw, open, noisy, quiet, messy, slippery, connected, naked, open with both parties grinding to have their needs met against the other before everyone lands in a satisfied heap. Right?

They know the prickles and the mess are worth it.

Super Couples take responsibility for their words and actions. They know that the whole idea of a relationship is to set them free, so each lays down the weapons and embraces the glorious person before them as an ally.

I think Super Couple-dom is possible if you want it, but not everyone knows that’s it’s even available. I was with some family over the holidays, and when this cartoon made a huge splash, it occurred to me that not everyone sees or knows the value of all the self-actualization I am so used to.

I obviously think about this stuff all the time and it’s a part of nearly every conversation I have. However, I am fully aware that not every couple, in fact, many couples, just go through life, attending to the responsibilities of getting the kids to hockey practices and birthday parties, not even thinking about their actual connection and how it works or it doesn’t.

I think Super Couple-dom is possible if you want it, but not everyone knows that’s it’s even available.

Who wants to sit around and dissect their relationship? ICK. Most people just know when they’re not happy and that something is off, and aren’t necessarily equipped with the tools to actually do something about it. I like to give people some of these tools. I think most couples are already quite super and have a beautiful roll-with-it quality; I love observing all the things they’re doing well AND I also think that nearly every conscious couple could benefit from a tweak here and there. They take – and I think you and Mr Todd were there – managing life well enough, but there’s a more that’s there to be found if you know to look for it.

It’s like having a satisfying dinner at the White Spot and realizing there’s a section of the menu that Gordon Ramsay will prepare just for you, but you have to know to ask for it. I’m the secret weapon here; I can show you what’s available on the menu and the best way to eat it so it’s crazy delicious.

It will feel like you just had a…Sexy Conversation.

Get real like sexy real, Tara

You can check more of me out here. It’s okay, I’m good with you looking.

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

TinaOLife Welcomes Tara Caffelle

January 18, 2016

Please join me in welcoming Tara Caffelle, Relationship Coach (whether staying, splitting, or having a baby), Intimacy Guru (chief instigator and founder of Nookie November), Big Life Conduit (coach and online host of Speaking of Sparkles) and now TinaOLife’s Hump Day Lady too (did I just say that?).

Oh Tara, you are such a fit and I am thrilled to announce you as one of TinaOLife’s Core Contributors covering all things relationship, in fact, you might even say that YOU are Where Relationships get Real. Well, I do say that.

Here’s our story (TinaO’s perspective):

So I met this gal by accident which means on purpose. I sat across from her at a BNI breakfast meeting and to be honest, as much as I’m a total hound for networking because I really do just love people, any kind of organized business thingy where we’re supposed to be ‘authentic’ and ‘non-pitchy’ yet the bottomline of why we are there is to get business and make our cash register ring… these events always strike me as just odd, as in not quite honest but not quite false either (spank me now for speaking it as I feel it). The thing is, I can do these kinds of events, I’m even good at them, but still, they’re kinda weird to me. ’nuff said – yet its probably the very reason why Tara made such a subtle yet significant impression on me.

Now when I go to a morning breakfast meeting, I see getting up, getting dressed, doing my hair (oh gawd really?), putting on lipstick (oh boy oh boy like reallllly?) and then leaving my house before 6am as a decision to further my education in people. As well, I see it as part of my active agreement with the universe/God/powerthatbe in order for the big magic we all allude to, to happen. One thing I know for sure is that nothing shows up for me unless I show up for it, thus the partnership. So every now and then I put my cynicism aside (yes I can be a cranky codger) and I ‘show up’ at a networking event and do my do. A few years ago, when I did that, I met Tara Caffelle.

We barely exchanged words – but who needs them when you understand the game of business networking. The words we speak at these events are usually heavily rehearsed yet planned as hopefully authentic and packaged together as a 30 second elevator pitch to let the room know what we do so they can hire us right? It’s not so much about who we are. That’s why I don’t pay too much attention to what people say at these events, but rather do how I feel when I experience them.

As I was taking the last few bites of my eggs benny, I knew that there was just something about this gal sitting across from me and a few chairs down that I wanted to get to know. So we did what you do at these things, we exchanged cards and she followed up. Perfect. Here’s what it looked like:

March 25th, 2014 – Hi Tina, It was so great to meet you at BNI this morning – what a HUGE group that was! I am a member of BNI Harbourside (we meet at the same restaurant on Wednesdays) and we’re only about 26 people, so that was a bit of a shock. It seems like we have some great overlap and could likely have a fun, connecty kind of tea. Let me know if you’d like to set that up in the next couple of weeks. In the meantime, if you think of anyone having babies or adjusting to life with a newborn, the links to my workshops and website are below. Have a great week and I will look forward to seeing you soon. Cheers, Tara

April 8th, 2014 Hi Tara! Thanks for reaching out and I’m sorry I haven’t connected sooner. I’m in the middle of a few really big shifts and I’m practicing focus… 🙂 I would LOVE to meet for cup of tea. I think I need two weeks to get myself organized. What do you think about Monday the 28th? Would that work for you? Thanks! Tina

Tara same day – yes, that would definitely work. How about 10am somewhere? What part of the city are you in?

Tina same day – sounds great. I’m across the water so can we say 10:30 instead? It’s closer to when I can be there! – so downtown, or east van is good for me! You?

April 20th 2014 – Tara Oh, dear, I completely forgot to confirm this! You are in my calendar for 10:30 on the 28th. How about we meet at the Laughing Bean on Hastings (near the PNE but I can’t remember the cross street).

April 24th 2014 – Tina Hi Tara! I just remembered that I am booked from 10am – 11am on that day. Can we do 11:30? Same place? Thx!

Same day – Tara Yup, that works. See you there.

April 27th 2014 – Tina Oh my… Sorry to do this again… Any chance you can do 3pm? My day shifted once again! I’m so sorry to make all these changes!! If not, we can always rebook for the following Monday! Whatever works. Xxt

Same day – Tara Sorry, but 3pm doesn’t work, and the only time I have is the morning on the following Monday. If we can do 10:30, I can do it.

April 28th 2014 – Tina Next Monday at 1030? If so YES! And again… My apologies… I’ve been juggling a little more than usual and stretching into new territory which means my structures shake a bit and my weakest point is scheduling… So thank you for your patience! Next Monday 1030?? Locked??

Same day – Tara locked! see you then!

Why do I share all the drivel of booking and rebooking and apologizing and rebooking again??? Seems boring right? Well, that’s life. That’s what SHOWING UP and STAYING WITH IT looks like. It’s not all fireworks and magnetic pulls to work together. It’s simply a desire to inquire first, matched by commitment and follow through.

So we met at this place, The Laughing Bean.

and from our first kinda ‘search and discovery’ conversation, I was introduced to the concept of this guy: Chris Dierkes, Soul Interpreter. It went something like this:

Tara: chatty chat chat what I do who I am what I’m interested in what has happened to me… ‘and then my soul guy’…

Me: listening listening listening watching wondering wondering… ‘what did you say?’

So much more to come about this… Chris has become my ‘soul dude’ and he as well will have a regular piece on TinaOLife called just that: Dear Soul Dude (but that’s for another announcement) – see… magic happens when we show up. Okay, back to Tara.

So fast forward a few months later and over a beer with Tara on a sunny summer patio, I met this gal, her awesome friend and colleague: Coach Michaella.

Holy crap! What the hell happened? is all I can say. No kidding – we laughed so hard on that newly hot summer patio that I suffered dearly from my first inspiration hang over. We came up with a SNL Sketch called empha’sis’ that I swear made me pee (come on, three children, cut me some slack), as I clamored to get into my truck and head home. I had no idea that having such a good time could require couch time as recovery.

The three of us met up again last January to support each other’s vision for all that 2015 would bring. Here’s a pic of them as they arrived in perfect West Coast style – yup, coffee in one hand, umbrella in the other. These kooky two women rock my world. Little did the three of us know that my year would look nothing like we had planned, yet what we came up with was exactly what I needed. I hope the same was true for them.

TinaOLife with Tara Caffelle and Coach Michaella

That year Tara launched Nookie November, 30 days of intimacy filled with silliness, sexiness and spontaneity. Holy Dinah did that ever crack me wide open. It started out as sexy re-connection gift to my husband and it became so so so much more. I’ll share more about later.

When I was diagnosed with throat cancer last spring, Tara had her own big life stuff going on at exactly the same time. We were two soul-inspired women trudging through painful muddy waters together yet completely apart. When the dust had cleared for both us, Tara asked me to be a guest on her show Speaking of Sparkles and here it is: Cancer, the wisdom of the body, getting off the rollercoaster of marriage and finally sinking into relationship.

We became hooked. p.s. I know, I know, I know, I need a new microphone because wowzers do I ever sound LOUD and fuzzy in this. Well, turn down my volume just a bit and climb into the brainwaves of Tara and Tina.

When TinaOLife showed up as the answer to my professional home, I figured out pretty quick that as much as I’m all that and a bag of chips, I AM most definitely NOT THE ANSWER to everyone’s life questions. I can’t be. So if I’m going to take on this topic called LIFE and what it feels like to be REALLY LIVING, I’d better call in the giants who ignite that very thing inside of me.

Welcome Tara. You’re a fucking rock star in my world. You make dropping the f-bomb not just explosive, but sexy, crazzzy-ass funny and tender too. How can that be? It must be you.

Watch for Tara’s weekly posts on Wednesdays as Hump Day (how appropriate), where she’ll be leading the charge on all things relationship.

xxT

Want to know about Tara Caffelle? Check her out here at TaraCaffelle.com