The Audacity of Passion

 

There’s something about being around people who act on their passion.  It’s as if they shine just a little bit brighter, you can feel their energy through the phone, and they electrify you when you’re around them.  People who are plugged in to their source of passion simply zap you into attention. Enter Vancouver’s latest firefly:  Suzy Kaitman, founder of Ballet Lounge and the spark behind the new craze of physical movement and expression: Ballet Fit.

You’ve probably heard this, but it’s a keeper:

Do you light up the room when you enter it, or does the room brighten as you leave?

No doubt, Kaitman brings her lightening bolts with her when she enters the room or takes the stage.   I caught up with her at this past weekend’s 24th annual Wellness Show in Vancouver.

Suzy Kaitman with Tina

What is Ballet Fit?

It’s a workout inspired by the principles of classical dance that tones and sculpts your entire body.  It includes elements of barre work, cardio, core and flexibility and we offer three levels to choose from.

Who is Suzy Kaitman? 

Suzy has been dancing since she could walk. When ballet found her, it was as if a part of her clicked into place and she simply took off. As a young student dancer, she was always the keener, “give me more classes”, she said, “I want to do them all”.  As many young dancers who have been claimed by the fire of movement, she immersed herself, upholding visions of a professional future in the form she loved.  When her teen years arrived and her body lost its willowy childhood form and she emerged as a young woman of strength with curves and muscle and form, her dream of becoming a professional ballerina was dashed.  “I don’t have the perfect ballet body. I’m not all legs with a long neck.  My back doesn’t want to flex the way it needs to in order to make it in competitive dance”.  She confessed that once she realized that her dream would never be her reality, she was so crushed and her heart so broken that even shows like So you Think you can Dance, were painful to watch.

We know this, but we like to pretend that it’s not true:  through the course of our long life most of us will experience intense disappointment, the heart ache of broken dreams, or worse, the resignation of shattered beliefs.  It’s unavoidable.  Life happens.  When we are children we frame anything is possible as if the rules don’t apply to us, only to discover at the tender stage of adolescence that whether we like it or not, sometimes our story is meant to change.  It’s in those pivotal moments that our character is formed.

I’m almost finished David Brooks’ book, The Road to Character and it’s filled with centuries worth of history makers who chose character over complacency, their values over comfort, and lived audaciously by their passions.  He gives us the story of George Eliot, which was the pen name of Mary Ann Evans, a Victorian novelist and poet, to teach us about how character can come through the tumultuous path of love.  He introduces us to Jewish psychiatrist, writer and holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl to show us how our character reveals itself though the happenings of how we live, and George Marshall, soldier and Nobel Peace Prize recipient whose story of consistent confrontation is what deepened his commitment to self-mastery.  All of Brooks’ examples are true tales of adversity where each person’s struggle expanded the reach of their calling and developed layer upon layer of character along the way.

Road to character

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From my perspective, passion is the antidote to emptiness and it is the fuel that drives us to walk (or dance) courageously through our deepest grief.  Suzy Kaitman’s journey to Ballet Fit was born out of a broken dream, yet what came next was even better than she could have imagined.

Kaitman was yearning for what ballet brought her so she continued to search for another way to express the passion that fires up her spirit.  She kept looking for a career that could challenge and fulfill her the way that ballet did, and as it happens, as if by accident, she stumbled into the world of fitness and studied as a personal trainer and then began teaching. Her background in the often hardcore, serious and highly competitive world of ballet became her personal invitation and inspiration to turn it on it’s ear by breathing FUN into ballet. “When I discovered that I could teach ballet to house music, I would dive in so fully that I felt almost high after.   When I’m dancing it’s as if nothing else matters.  I’m in the moment and it’s like dance therapy.”

Suzy Kaitman on stage
Suzy Kaitman at Vancouver’s 24th Annual Wellness Show.

 

With that, Ballet Fit was born, which is different from the now popular barre classes happening around town.  Ballet Fit blends a cardio workout with core strength, ballet positions and poses and it focuses on FUN and physical expression – just like dance.

When Ballet Fit clicked into place, Kaitman was living in Calgary, so I asked her what brought her to Vancouver?  To which she chuckled and replied “Too many winters in Calgary I guess.  Oh yeah, that and love”.  Once again passion ruled for Kaitman and lucky for us, she followed her boyfriend here to the wild wet coast of Vancouver.  She began teaching her Ballet Fit at the YMCA and quickly filled her first class which turned into three, which then grew to seventeen full classes happening at various venues around town.  Figuring out she’d struck a cord in Vancouver, she solidified her decision to open up a new facility, Vancouver’s Ballet Lounge. 

only in Vancouver would someone use an umbrella as their 'ballet barre'.
only in Vancouver would someone use an umbrella as their ‘ballet barre’.

 

She goes on to tell me about how she’s not like those scary ballet people (think Natalie Portman in Black Swan), and after experiencing her in person, I can whole-heartedly vouch for that. At the 24th Annual Wellness Show she inspired a floor full of umbrella wielding wellness enthusiasts. Vancouverites kicked off their shoes and happily followed along bending, reaching and lifting.  Kaitman reminds us that in her classes, you’re joining in to her “happy family” where she “celebrates you”.  She adds that “people walk in to class so exhausted after a long day but after an hour of music, of oxygen and movement, they leave feeling alive again”.

I asked her what advice she would give someone who may be going through a similar dream-grief experience?

“The universe works in mysterious ways.  Time heals all things so take that time as a separation to see your life from a different angle. Maybe there’s another calling for you.”

Suzy Kaitman

It takes takes passion to chase a dream.
To be a ballerina
To excel at what you do.

It takes courage to embrace the realities of a situation
To grieve a loss
To give time and space to a shattered dream.

It takes trust to answer a new calling
To try something new
To follow love.

And it takes the audacity of passion to follow the call.  

Here’s to you Suzy Kaitman  – Danceprenuer and Passion Enthusiast.  Happy opening. I can’t wait to get my point and sweat on with you later this month.

Tinaolife joyxxT

 

 

 


TinaO is a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub for all things worth living for, the workshop Live Your Best Story, and her coaching practice:  Tall Poppy Living. She’s also a professional network marketer with a decade in the industry.  She teaches: selling isn’t slimey and marketing isn’t make-believe.  You can be yourself and be successful in Direct Sales.  

 

24th Annual Vancouver Wellness Show

Vancouver_Wellness_Show

Tomorrow I’m attending the 24th annual Wellness Show running today through Sunday at the Vancouver Convention Centre. Why would I do that?  Or more importantly, why would YOU do that?

  1. Because you live in a body and you only get one.
  2. Because living IS possibility and as long as you are breathing, you have a shot at fulfilling your gifts.
  3. Because our wellness is a reflection of how aligned we are with our soul, mind, body and action (or what I call skillset).
  4. Because we only know what we know, and as ridiculously simple as this is:  we also don’t know what we don’t know – and we can’t think about what we don’t know, because we don’t know anything about it yet.
  5. Because we have no context for the areas of our life that could be more peaceful, or enjoy greater health when we live in the box labeled ‘what I know’ and frankly, we should label it what I think I know instead.
  6. I know a lot, but I don’t know everything.

I’m attending The Wellness Show because it’s BIG!  It’s the West Coast’s largest trade show devoted to helping people live a more balanced, holistic and healthy life. As the TinaOLife lady – sharing insights, ideas and possibilities about how to DIG IN AND LIVE… clearly, I need to be there.  As well, I’m particularly interested in their theme this year which is Healthy Families.

I’m the momma of a family of five and I’ll tell you, this is the hardest job I’ve ever had. Hands down.

Beauty Bar Jan 2013 011

  • Is laundry hard? No.
  • The monotony of cooking dinners that kids won’t eat? No.
  • Having family meetings about challenging subjects?  Well, kinda, but even that is not really hard you know?

This is what IS hard:

  • Talking to my kids about listening for their passions.
  • Supporting my husband and myself to never leave a dream on the table – to remember we’re people AND parents.
  • Having family meals in silence when one of us isn’t talking to each other.
  • Practicing wellness – as our birthright.
  • Reminding myself and my kids that seeing the world through a ‘sunshine, rainbows and lollipops filter’ doesn’t mean your happy, it means you see the world through sunshine, rainbows and lollipops, which might make you smile more often (might). But that’s it.
  • Remembering that sometimes your team loses, but PLAYING is the win we all get to go home with.
  • Teaching my kids about consent as they step into their curious sexual selves.
  • How to let our undesireable emotions be there:  disappointment, grief, confusion and more because they are no more or less important than happy, silly, bliss or excitement and when we sit on the darker colours of our expression the bi-product is often anxiety, depression and resignation. How do I talk about that?

That is hard.

This is why I go to the Wellness Show.  I go because I don’t have all of the answers, and I never will.

Come.  Join me.  We can be students of life together.

p.s.  Tomorrow I will sharing a story about Suzy Kaitman, Vancouver’s Ballet Fit instructor who, with over 17 classes happening around the city decided it was time to open up her Ballet Lounge later this month.  The piece I’m writing for her is called The Audacity of Passion.  Watch for it tomorrow.  

Suzy Kaitman


 

The Wellness Show opens its doors from 12 pm to 7 pm on February 12, 10 am to 7 pm on February 13, and 10 am to 6 pm onFebruary 14. The show takes place at the Vancouver Convention Centre East, Exhibit Hall B & C, 999 Canada Place in downtown Vancouver. Tickets are $14.50 General Admission, $12.50 Seniors 65+ / Students with valid ID, $6.00 Children (5 and under free), and $30.00 3 ­ day pass. Tickets will be available online at thewellnessshow.com, or at the door.

TinaO Your Living StoryBe well.

xxT

 

 

 

What’s your Relationship Story?

Tara Your Relationship

If you’ve been following along on our Hump Day Wednesdays with Tara Caffelle, Where Relationships Get Real, I’m sure you’ve noticed that I get the conversation started with questions that I’m personally seeking answers to. We’ve looked at:  Why is intimacy so important? , What’s the deal with Nookie November? , and What is a Super Couple?   So today, it seems only fitting on Love Week… ahem, on the hump of Valentines Day that we get up close and personal with the relationship lady herself. Here’s my question for Tara:

Okay Tara… this is the tell all question. Most of us fall into a passion profession because we’ve been lead there by our own experiences. Come on now… bare all. What’s your ‘relationship’ or ‘intimacy’ story???

Tara:  Oh yes. My own experience led me deep into this work—you’ve got me there. I have always, always been interested in relationships. When I was growing up, I’d watch the adults around me and listen quietly as my Mum discussed life events with my aunts and her friends. I probably learned more than I should have, but even then I can remember being able to figure people out. In my twenties, I remember annoying a date when I fell asleep during the epic battle scenes from Lord of the Rings. What can I say? The battles didn’t involve conversation. There wasn’t anything relationshippy for me to entertain myself with. Jeeez.

There’s been one relationship in my life that, even though it has shifted and actually ended, has informed almost every piece of my work and how I hold my clients.

I met my (former) husband when I was 21 at what was the very beginning of what we now know as online dating. (Writing that makes me feel like such a dinosaur! Next I’ll tell you how I had to walk uphill both ways to school in the winter with bearskin shoes!).  In any case, we met and fell in love and lived quite happily together for about 14 years.

feb_10

In 2010 we split up very amicably, even sharing custody of our basset hound. As it happened, at the tail end of our relationship, after YEARS of floundering in various careers and never feeling completely fulfilled, I had (finally) found what I felt I was called to do… That was coaching.

As we navigated separating after such a long time together, we carefully designed how we wanted to be.

In coaching, we say that we “design our alliance,” which means the coach and client decide how it’s going to be when they’re together. We talk about what feels respectful, and what will be the most effective, and we form a team that will help the client reach their outcomes. When my husband and I decided to part ways, I brought a lot of coaching-esque stuff into our conversations: I expressed that I wanted to land in a friendship at some point, and that I didn’t blame him for what was happening. We continually asked for what we needed (space, patience, silence, etc) and were able to transition through a whole lot of grieving into a space where we held on to our friendship.

As we navigated separating after such a long time together, we carefully designed how we wanted to be.

Our friendship, after all, had always been a great part of our life together.

That process showed me, first-hand, how relationships can be, even as they end and especially as they end. Until then, I’d been working primarily as a life coach with individuals (and I still do), but I began to work more specifically with relationships, recognizing that we have them with everyone in our lives (from the barista who gets us our coffee in the morning to the person we land in bed with at the end of the day). I realized they could all be designed and customized to fit the people in them.

This led me to working as a doula, supporting parents who were about to welcome new babies into the world. As I met with those couples, I noticed I was always asking the same questions:

What are you doing for your relationship before this little person arrives?

Have you considered that you will never again be “just a couple” and will forevermore be a “family”?

These conversations were incredibly satisfying; I loved knowing I was having an impact on how the world would greet and care for those sweet little muffins.

From there, I became an educator for The Gottman Institute; I guide couples through both The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and the Bringing Baby Home programs, and I fold this work into all that I know about sex, communication, relationships, leadership and designing a union that works and lasts.

But along the way I realized I also had some work to do on myself. It would take courage, openness and tremendous strength.

While my ex-husband and I made an excellent Team together (IKEA assembly skills: MASTER) and were the very best of friends, there was a layer of intimacy that was missing between us that I see more clearly now that I am out of it. I know now that there was a fundamental “holding back” between us.

In 2008, before we separated, we went through a bit of a relationship crisis and realized the outcome was uncertain. We actually had a successful open relationship for the last few years of our marriage, and within that there was experimentation, both together and apart. I was introduced to the world of consensual non-monogamy, which has given me an open-minded acceptance that I bring to my work (many of my clients come from non-monogamous relationships and seek support in making them work).

Since our separation in 2010 (and at the time of writing this in February of 2016) I have essentially been mostly single and in a constant journey of growth and exploration . I have learned the difference between physical intimacy (I used to readily hand over my body and think I was allowing someone to get close to me) and emotional intimacy—the In-to-me-see intimacy.

But along the way I realized I also had some work to do on myself. It would take courage, openness and tremendous strength.

The former is no longer satisfying to me, and although the latter challenges me every day to bare my inner layers, I challenge myself to do it because I know it is ultimately a more satisfying way to live.

I no longer tolerate small talk about the weather; I seek Big Conversations that leave my soul touched and my mind fuller.

In late 2014, my beloved ex-husband began to struggle with his mental health quite seriously. In May of 2015, he took his own life.

As someone who knew him for half of my life and loved him as a partner and a friend, it was both an honour and tremendously stressful to support him during the last six months of his life. I speak openly about it so that the stigma around mental health can be brought into the open.

There is not a single moment that he is not with me as I do my work in the world. His life and his death have helped me to zero-in on what is really important: our relationships, our connections, the way our children see us communicating and relating to each other, and the safe place to land that we all deserve.

So yes, Tina, to answer your question: my work comes from the very core of who I am and what I believe to be true in this world. I am humbled by the growth and transformation I get to see in each and every client session.

Tara Cafelle Where

 

Get real like sexy real,  Tara

 

 


 

Tara Caffelle is a Relationship and Communication coach.  She is passionate about creating connected, almost-uncomfortable-to-watch relationships that are based in Sexy Communication and Big Lives worth rolling around in.

Tara is based in the Lower Mainland of Vancouver and offers custom-designed coaching programs. To claim your free 90+ minutes and see what might be possible for your own super coupledom (or persondom), find a time here.

Have a question for Tara?  Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation?   How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here.  We’ll answer back.  We promise.  

 

The Squishy Bits of Intimacy

Tara #3 Intimacy is Squishy

Q to Tara from TinaO

A naturopath I once saw said to me that the definition of intimacy is not knowing what is on the other side of this very moment, and sharing that with someone else. How do you define intimacy and why is being comfortable with it so important to our well-being?

There are so many ways to look at intimacy—that’s one of the things I really love about it. It can be as deep as the fondness and trust we feel with the people closest to us, and it can be a glimmer of “we’re in this together” among strangers who are all stuck on the same elevator.

In my world, intimacy all comes down to one word: Connection.

What I know for sure is that we are not meant to exist only on the surface. It would be like only ever talking about the weather. Forever. Right? That very thought makes me want to jab a fork into my own eye and twist it around like I’m swirling spaghetti.

Intimacy is a leap—knowing the deepest, darkest places of ourselves, and then trusting our fellow humans to hold those pieces and not hurt us with them. A client said it beautifully: “It was like he asked to see the most awful, dark and scary parts of me so that he could hold them for me and love them, and give them back in a way that didn’t hurt me as badly. No matter what I threw at him from my dark spaces, it never scared him away.”

In my world, intimacy all comes down to one word: Connection.

I cannot stress enough: when we are intimate with other human beings, it makes our life and our existence take up more space. We are here to touch and be touched and to reach new levels of knowing ourselves through others. And yes, it’s difficult sometimes, so let’s get that out on the table. It’s not always easy, but I promise it’s worth it.

Tara intimacy

I remember a few years ago I ventured up to my hometown and attended my 20th high school reunion. It was interesting in many ways. As I sat with people who no longer knew me in the day-to-day, I felt the most known I had in a long time: these were the people who watched me grow up and knew the very essence of me. There was no hiding, in the best possible way. Later in the weekend, when I had a meltdown about still being single when all the others seemed to be happy and attached and raising families, I landed at my friends’ home, where I was staying.

…knowing the deepest, darkest places of ourselves, and then trusting our fellow humans to hold those pieces and not hurt us with them.

My best friend of more than 20+ years was actually out of town at a funeral, and her husband was holding down the fort and caring for the four kids. And me, apparently. I have known him just as long as his lovely wife, and he greeted me with a hug and said all the right things. He then invited me to lie on the trampoline, in the dark, to look at the stars. He brought out the iPad, and we identified all the constellations, and it struck me: without it being at all about sex, it was perhaps one of the most intimate moments of my life. I cracked open, he held my broken bits, and squeezed them back together as we looked at the sky, side-by-side in the dark.

And this is what I want people to know and for our kids to grow up watching: intimacy and connection. Seeing people around us, and having what they say matter deeply to us.

When kids see and know the adults in their lives more intimately, including the failings and joys, they are given permission to enjoy a similar connection as they grow with everyone around them. We get to change how the world works, starting with our children. If that isn’t exciting, I don’t know what is.

Intimate connection can be uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be too hard to even start. The first step is to be curious and interested. I invite you to try it tonight. Instead of asking your partner or the kids “How was your day?” (to which they will probably reply, “good”), pose a different sort of question:

What was your favourite part of today?

How did you know that I love you today?

How can this day end end in the best possible way?

Yes, it will feel weird at the beginning, but try. And if you get an “I dunno” in response, do what I do with clients and tell them to make something up and then see where it goes.

And I would invite you to branch out and try this with other people in your life, too. Get curious and interested about people who interact with you each day; challenge yourself to relate on a slightly more intimate level with one person at a time and pretty soon you too, will be bored by surface talk about the weather, and crave to know more.

Tara Cafelle Where

Get Real, like sexy real, Tara

 

 

 


 

Tara Caffelle is a Relationship and Communication coach.  She is passionate about creating connected, almost-uncomfortable-to-watch relationships that are based in Sexy Communication and Big Lives worth rolling around in.

Tara is based in the Lower Mainland of Vancouver and offers custom-designed coaching programs. To claim your free 90+ minutes and see what might be possible for your own super coupledom (or persondom), find a time here.

Have a question for Tara?  Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation?   How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here.  We’ll answer back.  We promise.