March 2016 - Page 2 of 2

There’s a Crack in Everything

March 3, 2016

A lot of my work- and the work of music writers/ journalists / bloggers who’ve been kind enough to write about it- focuses on the hardships I faced as a child, teen and early adult. Why that is isn’t a mystery. Intense situations and struggles are the stuff of drama. They push us past normal and safe where we feel in control into the painful and chaotic realm of trauma, but that’s also where beauty, transformation, love, mystery, compassion and profound connections can swoop in to reveal who we really are and what we’re really capable of. As Leonard Cohen sings:

“There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”

A mentor of mine who passed away ago a few years ago used to say to me “When I need to touch God Rodney I touch you.” He wasn’t referring to me specifically, he meant that reaching out to others, sometimes for help, sometimes to help was where he truly found himself over and over again.

While I had to deal with a lot of pain as a child and an adult, I’ve also been extremely fortunate. I’ve had many generous and gifted people come into my life to guide me. It’s crazy how lucky I’ve been. It’s like in Greek myths how the hero (or in my case the anti-hero) keeps getting helped by mysterious strangers (the gods in disguise) when he or she needs it most. A folksinger I know, Rick Keating, has a lyric in a song that says “I keep on getting saved.” Yep.

GONE
by Rodney DeCroo

My first apartment was a basement suite
near 41st and Oak. The owner Craig,
a drug dealer turned contractor
after a five year stint in Okalla,
rented cheaply to young men
in trouble. I found the place
through an ad on the wall
in the Social Assistance office.
The interview was in his kitchen.

“Come on!” he says “Have something to eat!”
when Diane asked if I was hungry.
I hadn’t eaten for two days
after spending my money getting drunk
at the Cobalt, but I told him
“No, I don’t want anything”.
“Listen,” he said “you’re not leaving this kitchen
until you’ve had one of Diane’s sandwiches.
So what’s it gonna be?”
“Okay, sure.”
“There you go! he shouted smacking the table.
“Are you looking for work?”
“Yes”.
I’m looking for laborers. You want to work for me?”
“Okay.”

As I ate the thick bread and rich meat
and drank the dark coffee offered to me,
I felt the hunger in my stomach,
my unwashed clothes and my shaking hands
as if for the first time. After he left me
in the furnished suite, I stood with my back
against the door looking at the room.
I wondered who’d been here before me
and why they were gone.

FYI… Rodney has two gigs coming up in Vancouver.

Check it out below.

MARCH 6 / House Concert @ Cliff’s House

Catch this intimate solo set from Rodney DeCroo, with support from The Minimalist Jug Band.

Time: Doors 1pm / Show 2-4pm
Where: # 2-868 Cassiar Street East Van ( near PNE )
Cost: Suggested donation of $15. Ticket reservations are recommended by the host as seating is limited.
Contact: kali@tonicrecords.com for reservation details.
Drink: BYOB ( please drink responsibly )
Food: Tasty finger foods provided

Link: http://www.tonicrecords.com/mar-6-house-show-from-rodney–decroo/

MARCH 10 / “A Circle in the Fire” @ The Heatley

Rodney DeCroo will be hosting and performing in the first event of a new monthly series, “A Circle in the Fire”, a songwriters-in-the-round evening. This evening will feature an eclectic mix of local folk songwriters + performers: Doug Andrews, Elise Hall-Meyer, and Caroline Allatt.

Date: Thursday, March 10th

Time: 8:00pm

Where: 696 E Hastings St.

Cost: No cover!

Link: https://www.facebook.com/events/199995010359722/

Rodney DeCroo is a songwriter, poet and playwright. He has released 6 full-length albums, an album of poetry set to music (Allegheny), a book of poetry (Allegheny, BC) and a theatre production (Stupid Boy in an Ugly Town) that received critical acclaim at several Canadian fringe and writers festivals. DeCroo wrestles with regret, loss, aging, love, memory, death, art—always with his own ongoing recovery embedded in the background. DeCroo’s album and performances draw upon his greatest natural resource—his poetry.

Want to buy his music? Find him here on itunes. Want to catch him in concert? Check out his calendar here.

The 100% Lean In

March 3, 2016

I’m always going on and on about how we are in relationship with everyone in our lives, from our barista at Starbucks to whomever we land with in bed at the end of the day, and I also know that each of those relationships can be happily designed. We do this with the 100% lean-in.

Today, I want to focus on Starbucks. Yep, you read that right: it’s a great example of The 100% Lean in, and I think once you understand this, you can apply it all over the place.

Our job, if you will, as a customer at Starbucks, involves the following steps: enter the building (for the sake of argument, let’s not include the drive-through option), walk up to the counter, order our coffee, pay for our coffee, thank the barista, put whatever accoutrements into the coffee, and leave with said coffee. Doing all of these things without any sort of hiccups can be considered showing up for your job at 100%.

The barista’s job is to cheerfully take our order, accept our payment, deliver our beverage to us, and say thank you. Doing all of these things constitutes showing up 100%.

Are you still with me?

What I know is that 100% can look different on different days. I will outline what not-quite 100% looks like and how we can easily adjust to make it so.

Scenario: You get to the counter and realize you have forgotten your wallet in the car and have no way to pay for your beverage. What would make it 100%?: Ask for what you need. Tell the barista what has happened so that your order can be held until you can get your money and the line-up behind you can proceed with their orders.

Scenario: You are in in the middle of an important phone call on your mobile, and while you sincerely wish it would end in time for you to order your coffee, that is not the case, and instead of ordering, you must continue your conversation. (See how I give you the benefit of the doubt that you’re not just standing in line, staring at your phone, oblivious to all that is happening around you?). What would make it 100%?: Step aside, ask the person you are on the call with to give you a moment so you can order, or pretend you just went through a tunnel and hang up (it’s the nature of phones that people are able to call us back—cool, right?).

Scenario: You approach the counter and the barista is telling her co-worker about the wicked concert she saw last night, complete with an air guitar impression. What would make it 100%?: Trick question! This one is on the barista. You’re welcome to get the barista’s attention in a respectful way, but this is really up to the barista to make up the difference, and that is by ending her inappropriate conversation and take your order.

Scenario: The barista is nowhere to be seen and you peer over the counter and see that he is kneeling on the floor putting some cups away behind the counter. How to make it 100%: Again, this is up to the barista to make up. All that is needed is a quick “I’ll be right with you!”

Scenario: Hot coffee in hand, you go to the sugar-adding station and you get stuck behind a guy who has his stuff spread all over everywhere. You can’t even get to the sugar. What would make it 100%?: The guy can turn to you and say, well, anything. “So sorry, I’ll get out of your way” or (this is one I use all the time) “Argh! I’m quite a tornado, aren’t I? Can I pass you the cream?”

What this means for more intimate relationships:

In relationships that run a little deeper than coffee, we can apply these ideas; when you notice that you’re showing up less than your 100% ideal, explain why, and then ask for what you need. Conversely, if your partner is failing to show up and meet your expectations in a way that feels like 100% for you, ask (in a caring way) what is happening that you can maybe be more understanding about. (They may not have ready this post and be as in tune with what 100% looks like!).

A few quick examples come to mind:

● You have a deadline coming up at work and know you will be preoccupied all week. So you ask your partner for their patience and understanding

● You suffer from horrendous seasonal allergies, and your partner has planned a full day of fun on the day you have off together. You ask for a little time for your allergy meds to kick in.

● You meet an old friend for dinner and although you would love to really catch up, you can’t stop thinking about how your grandmother is really sick and you aren’t able to fly out see her. You explain to your friend why you are not really present.

Showing up at 100% looks different on any given day.

The good news is it’s really easy to notice when you’re falling short and ask for what you need to make up the difference.

It’s also worth taking a look at how, in our relationships, we sometimes lean in more or less than 100%, which can lead to resentment, and mistrust and a whole host of other things, but I will leave that for another week. Until then, go grab a coffee at Starbucks, and think of me!

Get Real, like Sexy Real

Tara

Tara Caffelle is a Relationship and Communication coach. She is passionate about creating connected, almost-uncomfortable-to-watch relationships that are based in Sexy Communication and Big Lives worth rolling around in.

Tara is based in the Lower Mainland of Vancouver and offers custom-designed coaching programs. To claim your free 90+ minutes and see what might be possible for your own super coupledom (or persondom), find a time here.

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

If it ain’t delicious, why eat it

March 2, 2016

We get offers every day. We listen to sales pitches ad nauseum. We see opportunities every hour. We make decisions every ten seconds (or less!). How do you know what to choose?

We get up, we create a ‘to do’ list. We go to bed, we get on ourselves about our ‘to be’ list. We wander through each second, minute, hour, day, week, year, stage, our freakin’ lifetime like we’re in a field of apples and we haven’t got a clue what to eat, and we’re terrified that we can only carry that which we’re able to hold.

How do you know which ones to pick up? Which ones to keep?

Which ones to sink your teeth into?

Follow what is delicious. That’s what I say. Well, it’s what I say now, but not a few years ago. I heard it from my dear friend of mine, Kiran, Mystic Girl in the City , and the author of Tools for Sanity.

That’s what SHE says.

Do what feels delicious.

One day when I was in the throws of family-mama-pandemonium, I was telling her all of my multiple REASONS WHY everything SUCKED, was FALLING APART and COULD NEVER WORK and WOULD NEVER WORK… and then she lovingly took my entire sucky day apart minute by minute and wove the pieces back together from the perspective of what could’ve happened had I followed my ‘delicious yes’ instead.

I thought she was crazy, or rather, ‘just crazy enough’ as I liked to put it – now it’s sanity man. Following your delicious yes is LIVING SANITY.

She was right. The idea of following your delicious yes is as simple as choosing the fork in the road that you sense is the MOST DELICIOUS.

If it doesn’t look delicious, smell delicious, feel delicious, sound delicious, resonate in your hand as delicious… guess what? It probably ain’t delicious, at least for you, or at least right now.

So don’t eat it.

Put that apple down and walk away. There’s a beautiful ripe, red, shiny one over there – just waiting for you to pick it up because it’s delicious. Devour it.

Thanks Kiran. You changed everything that day.

xxT

TinaO is a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub for all things worth living for, the workshop Live Your Best Story, and her coaching practice: Tall Poppy Living. She’s also a professional network marketer with a decade in the industry. She teaches: selling isn’t slimey and marketing isn’t make-believe. You can be yourself and be successful in Direct Sales.