If I was a dancer, this is whom I would be.
I caught myself wondering this morning, at 45 years old,
post three 10lb baby boys created, built, buoyed and birthed through this body,
almost one year aprés radiation sickness zapping the shit out of tonsil cancer, no bum, no boobs, no breath, no boundaries
one month pre-first-5i50-triathlon, All re:, rebuild, restore, renew, reYes to this body, all mine.
Re-mine
Re-mind
it’s mine
With the scars
I’ve shed
of loneliness, harrowing calls for a fucking hand to grasp on to, curdling sobs of nothing, never, hating to ever ask why, with an empty belly of scraps for answers, lost in existential bullshit truthshit myshit – still lost
no,
I’m not
never have been.
Always found but too poetic to call out
found in the same place I came in.
If I was a dancer, I’d do
This.
I love the muscle, the discipline, the dance.
The ache of yearning to touch the unknowable
Throwing myself wild yet held, trusted, caught.
The throb of music speaking to me through me, threw me as me. In the construct of this body, my home for endless unforgiving beauty, relentless fire of scorching purple, passion, my touch down so tender with each flex, muscled palm, arch, heel
toe, pad pad pad
and fly.
I can fucking fly.
launch wide – out out out still more out
there
curve back, looking up, tumbling every which way my body contorts in partnership with the sky.
with him.
with her.
with them.
I surrender wide, full, brazen
glorious
knowing I am held.
That’s what I would be, if I was a dancer.
Thx to Patti Jo for posting this, it completely changed my morning. I didn’t know I was writing today, but clearly, I was.
xxT
TinaO is a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub for all things worth living for, the workshop Live Your Best Story, and her coaching practice: Tall Poppy Living. She’s also a professional network marketer with a decade in the industry and with her Tall Poppy Living for Network Marketers Coaching Program, she teaches: selling isn’t slimey and marketing isn’t make-believe. You can be yourself and be successful in Direct Sales.