I’ve just come out of a pretty raw weekend.
There is so much moving through me these days I’m reminded of my dear friend Miel Bernstein‘s approach to emotions. She says: Feelings are like the weather, storms will come. They will blow through. We don’t control the weather, nor do we become the weather. We simply adjust and wait for it to blow through. My marriage ended this year and it has rocked me through to my very core. I know it’s supposed to. A friend said to me as the undeniable end was coming and I was desperate to hang on: when a marriage ends, a tearing happens. It feels like you’re being ripped apart. She’s right, and the edges are jagged.
I wasn’t sure I would ever share this video because the moment is so personal. What you don’t know is minutes before, I had been gasping and crying so hard I stopped breathing and threw up. It was the first time in my adult life, the pain took me out so far I couldn’t find the surface and I was drowning. I couldn’t feel my life or my body. I knew I was in trouble so I just kept dialing until someone picked up. My friend Liz Powers was heading out on a roadtrip that day. She had a car full of women with her and while it wasn’t the best time to talk, something told her to pick up – so she did. I’m eternally grateful.
I needed to hear another voice to remind myself that I exist, that I was more than the pain I was feeling, that I was here – in my body – on this beach. She didn’t tell me things would get better. She didn’t tell me I was going to be okay. She didn’t tell me her own story of pain, of her marriage ending too. She just stayed with me repeating: I hear you. I got you. I see you. This is hard. This is so hard, and I got you. She stayed with me until I came back into my body and could see my feet on the sand again.
I hear you. I got you. I see you. This is hard. This is so hard, and I got you.
I wasn’t sure if I would ever share this video (I captured this moment last July 2017). I just knew I needed to shoot it because if I didn’t, you might think because I have a website about ”life”, and a workshop about ”living your best story”, and a calling I am following, that I am different than you.
I’m not.
This Easter I think I got a bit more about the Jesus story, his death and his resurrection. And I don’t think you have to follow a religious path to be touched by the power of that story. We all die at different times in our life, and what a blessing it is to be able to live again. Something about this moment on the beach from last summer makes more sense to me now and I’m not afraid to share it, in fact, I think it’s even more important to.
Please know you’re not alone. No matter how dark your moment is, how far from the surface you may feel, or how isolated you think you may be, as long as you have breath in your body, inspiration is still moving with you. Jillian Rutledge I owe that last line to you my friend.
Much love…
xxT
TinaO is a Writer, Story Coach, and Host of the TinaOShow, collecting and telling Stories from the Core. She’s the co-owner of The LEAP Learning Lab with Gina Best, and the other half of The Writer’s Compass with Meribeth Deen. She says: Stories are like toddlers, they will follow you around, tugging, hanging off of you until you listen to them. TinaO is the founder of Live Your Best Story, a weekend retreat of deep listening using writing, storytelling, nature, nourishment, art and connection as a way to listen to the personal story within. The retreat is held in various locations around the world, and is always offered 3x/year in British Columbia where she lives. All are welcome.
As always… let me know your thoughts. They’re always welcome.