Category: BLOG

Can You Dream the Wrong Way?

May 29, 2018

What does dreaming actually do?

I dream, sure. I have bucket lists. I have visions of places I want to go, people I want to see, and moments I want to create. I was in a highly successful business for years where the entire motivation to grow was fueled by one catch phrase: dare to dream, so I did, and it worked. But I think I kinda did it wrong because I didn’t really want what I had.

Can you dream the wrong way?

I remember the stickiness of change in that business when things I could only dream about were starting to happen. I was travelling and staying in beautiful hotels with gifts left for me on the bed. I ate the most delicious things in five star restaurants, had fireside chats in great-rooms overlooking the desert and I was blessed to spend a week in Hawaii every year. This is what I never dreamed about but thought I was supposed to, so I did, and it happened.

It felt a lot like being in a space ship which is why I’m wrestling with the whole dreaming thing right now. I had to leave the roots of my life behind in order to ‘lift off’. I dreamt, I affirmed and I created. I remember walking down wide hotel hallways, stunningly dressed, on my way to attend another evening gala. I don’t remember feeling my feet touch the floor.

We say this about dreaming: ‘as if my feet never touched the ground’.

Today things are different yet I am living a dream for sure. Things are simpler. I live by the ocean in a beautiful home surrounded by nature. I wake up to the sound of birds and I fall asleep to the glow of the moon and stars. I am self-employed. I am blessed to make a living doing what I love. I am passionate about it. I am nourished spiritually by it. I create my schedule. My boys are healthy, happy and ridiculously funny. We eat on a long table outside on the deck in the summer and we snuggle up by the fire in the winter. This is a dream I never made a goal, though I felt my through to this experience since I was a little girl. I did not visualize this. I did not create affirmations either, I simply followed a feeling of home inside me. Sounds pretty good right? Yes, but I still think what I’m doing isn’t quite right because I can’t help but  notice how much effort it takes to keep this dream floating. I have many agreements, exchanges and structures within this dream.

We say this about dreaming: ‘there are no limits’.

As a child I would wake up to an orchestra of stories in my head. If thoughts were words, were music, were water, were warmth, were colour, that’s what I’m talking about. I woke up to inspiration all at once.  Some days I still do. I experience speckles of hope, fragments of beauty, shards of mystery and particles of fireworks in each moment. This ignites the impulses to move me forward. This is the dreaming that happens effortlessly. Unfortunately for the rest of the world, it’s just weird.

I’ve been called flighty, impulsive, frivolous, unbalanced, wild and, wait for it… a dreamer…

We say this about dreaming:  ‘a dream is a wish your heart makes’

I’m approaching 50 and as part of my #thisis50 series I am looking at a lot of things. Last Saturday I went to bed feeling quite sad and lonely. I had been moved during a film festival and had no one special to share my shards of inspiration with. But this is 50 (almost) so I didn’t go to the bar and try to meet someone. Nor did I go on a two hour walk in the dark to cry. I didn’t binge with a bag of cheesies and watch netflix, I didn’t do a lot of things I would’ve done in my 20s and 30s – not that this list is bad (no shame here), they just don’t change anything and neither does dreaming.

I went home. I felt sad. I layed in bed (kids were at their dad’s), and instead, started asking…

What do I want?

What do I see in that want?

What do I feel in that want?

How do I see me in that want?

What is this want?

All of this because earlier last week a friend told me a story about his mother asking him directly: What do you really want? -as if he could simply order it off the menu from the universe and it would be delivered. I noticed I never ask that of myself. I never ask what do you want?, because if I want something, I go get it so I rarely feel want, I just feel get instead. I think this might be the gap in dreaming I’m not doing right. This idea of asking for what I truly want feels foreign to me. I want that piece of cake or I want my son to be happy is not the same as I want to travel to New York and fall into the magic of theatre every year and get paid for it. While theatre season may mean nothing to you, to me it makes me want to laugh, cry and love at the same time, and that’s just ONE thing on my want list.

This is what I think:

A want is not a dream, but a dream without a want is just a wish. 

And that’s what Cinderella does. Remember… she’s fiction.

We say this about dreaming: Dreams don’t work unless you do.

So again, this mantra about effort, work, results and dreaming. Where is the sweet spot?

I’m three years from fifty and all I know is, it’s time to trust my kaleidescope approach to dreaming, the way I did before I knew what it was. As a child I would just see things inside first as I wanted them. I would feel things before I knew what they were, I’d follow that feeling and what I wanted appeared. I would hear words before the story arrived and solving the mystery would manifest the very thing I wanted.

I’m beginning to believe that dreaming is allowing myself to want something. Really really want something.

So from this place of really wanting, this is what I know so far:

I want to cycle in Europe, sleep in little Inns and drink wine at night. 

I want to travel to cultural birthplaces and listen to the stories that live there.   

I want to go to New York, London and drop in to Niagara annually for Theatre Season, like it’s just what I do. It’s not a trip, it’s my life. 

I want to touch spiritual symbols and listen to them.

I want a home, maybe a few. 

I want to meet as many beaches as I can. 

I want to own and drive a jeep. I know, it’s kinda cliché but I really want that. 

I want to Christmas with my family forever – as if Christmas is a verb and not a day on the calendar.

I want to swim the way I run – like my body just knows how to do it. 

I’m sure there is more, but this is the list I’m starting with. Don’t ask me about love and relationships yet. I have no idea. None. Zip. Zilch. I got nuthin’. Well, that’s not true. I’m just not ready to say them out loud yet. I’ll get there. Beauty, Love, Art, Adventure, Home, Health, and God. That’s all I know right now.

I think dreaming is wanting from the essence of how you are designed, and that’s another Story from the Core conversation.

So now it’s your turn. What do you want? 

Thanks for listening.

As we say here in Storyland, Listening is Loving. 

#thisis50

xxT

TinaO is a Writer, Story Coach, and Host of the TinaOShow, collecting and telling Stories from the Core. She’s the co-owner of The LEAP Learning Lab with Gina Best, and the other half of The Writer’s Compass with Meribeth Deen. She says: Stories are like toddlers, they will follow you around, tugging, hanging off of you until you listen to them.  TinaO is the founder of Live Your Best Story, a weekend retreat of deep listening using writing, storytelling, nature, nourishment, art and connection as a way to listen to the personal story within. The retreat is held in various locations around the world, and is always offered 3x/year in British Columbia where she lives. All are welcome.
As always… let me know your thoughts. They’re always welcome.

This is Fifty with TinaO

May 27, 2018

This is 50. But I’m not quite there. I’m 47 and like every milestone, their whisperings begin around the 7 mark: 17 begins 20, 27 begins 30, 37 to 40 and now this, fifty. A half century.

I’m already blessed because I have made it this far.  In 1962 the average life expectancy was 65 which means a whole lot of people in my circle (even me) could’ve been dead by now fifty five years ago. In 2018, our average life expectancy for women in Canada is 83. I wonder what it will be in twenty years. I’m guessing closer to 95. If that’s the case, right now, (if all goes well) I’m probably at the half way point. In these moments I wonder… good gawd, what on earth am I going to live through next?

I suspect everyone has an approaching 50 list. Here’s mine:

At almost fifty I am:

  • Shocked to be soon divorced.
  • Overwhelmed by how many more years I am willingly and yes lovingly carrying my children as a single parent (another decade).
  • Aware, grateful and still a bit raw about a journey through cancer.
  • Kind of ashamed by the financial collapse of my life, now twice, both post a marital breakdown.
  • I forgot that part, I’m soon to be divorced twice. Ugh. Twice. I’m a statistic too.
  • Almost 50 and I’m pretty awed by my psychological and physical constitution. I have endured many stories and I still smile, just not all the time.
  • Appreciative of this body of mine which carried me through my first triathlon months post cancer (seriously, what was I thinking?). I’m astounded by what this body can do, and how I can recover.
  • I am kind of disssociated from the achievement because I don’t really understand how it all happened and where the motivation came from. Have you ever felt like that?
  • Heartbroken by the randomness of loss I know to be part of this thing called life.
  • Lost in my own romanticism of possibility.
  • Drowning while still breathing my almost-50 yearnings.
  • Blown and breathless by the mystery that is Love, Art and God.
  • Clear that I never need to be ‘saved’ by any one person again.
  • Solid to be my own hero yet deeply aware and moved by the knowing none of us are here to do this or be alone.
  • I am almost fifty.
  • I am my own hero, my own sunflower, my own carpet of magic, and my own story stone in the ocean.

And still,

Life kicks my ass sometimes, cracks my heart open so wide I swear my heartbeat meshes with the pulse of the sun, and life and all it’s messiness can bring me to my knees in utter helpless, and hopeless beauty.

This is 50.

If you’re familiar with my writing you’ll know ‘this’ is what I do. Something wild this way comes and ‘this’ is what it looks like when my story tells me. After coffee and scrolling through travel adventures online, followed by deliciously facebook messaging a dear friend across the globe with my findings, I began to scribble some thoughts on a big hunk of paper.

This is 50. I wrote.

And then ‘that’ impulse came. Gahhhhh the familiar nudge, push and shove forward I know so well. That feeling launched my first vlog series which tracked my journey post cancer through to the Vancouver 5i50 triathlon in 2016. I turned my computer on.

Welcome to my next series on TinaOLife.

This is 50.

I’m three years out from five-oh and closing an old story. In the work I do as a story coach, I call this swimming between ripples.

The visual I use is this: it’s as if we come in to this world as a story stone and are dropped into the water and who we are, or our story ripples out. Every circle is the next, expanded version of the first one. Every ring another layer of who we are.

Swimming between ripples is letting go of one to follow the ease of the next. I’m going to share this next journey with you. I’ll be posting regularly here.  This is 50 with TinaO.

As always…

Thanks for listening.

In storyland, listening is loving.

xxT.

TinaO is a Writer, Story Coach, and Host of the TinaOShow, collecting and telling Stories from the Core. She’s the co-owner of The LEAP Learning Lab with Gina Best, and the other half of The Writer’s Compass with Meribeth Deen. She says: Stories are like toddlers, they will follow you around, tugging, hanging off of you until you listen to them.  TinaO is the founder of Live Your Best Story, a weekend retreat of deep listening using writing, storytelling, nature, nourishment, art and connection as a way to listen to the personal story within. The retreat is held in various locations around the world, and is always offered 3x/year in British Columbia where she lives. All are welcome.
As always… let me know your thoughts. They’re always welcome.

Two Stories Collide – VIDEO

January 4, 2018

This is the feeling we all avoid: dangling. Caught between two worlds. Transitions. Good-byes. There’s something about shifting from one world to the next that causes us all (and yes, I am going to be so bold as to say ALL) of us to go unconscious, like taking your eyes of the road to change the channel. In that brief second anything can happen, and it does.

Think about it. There’s a reason we can’t find our keys, our phone, or where we took off our shoes. Copious amounts of books have been written about how to be ‘present’.  Why? Because transitioning is a challenge on multiple levels:

  1. THE BRAIN. Our circuitry doesn’t do blended thinking. We’re not a margarita, we’re a seven layer dip. We stack one thought on top of another, piled onto another one. We may have multiple thoughts all at once, but it’s seriously, despite what you may think, our brain doesn’t mash together like pastry dough. You can’t gently knead it from one form into another. It doesn’t work that way. Did you know your capacity to have a ‘mix’ of multiple thoughts isn’t even physically possible until you’re five to seven old? Seriously… so all of us parents have to chill out a bit with our Kindergarten expectations. Our kid’s brains can’t hold two thoughts at the same time for awhile.  Those of us seven years old and up reading this, barely can too. We don’t blend our thinking, we switch tracks.  _____________________________________
  2. OUR FEELINGS. Enough said. While feelings are also a bi-product of our physical body in connection to the imprints and neuro-pathways we’ve created in our brain, they have been known to swoop in, dive bomb us with mini explosions, sometimes flooding us with a challenge to learn how to swim in the waves. They feel all mixed up. They do not seem like a seven layer dip, they feel like the aftermath mess of a holiday party. _____________________________________
  3. OUR EXPECTATIONS. We arrive home. In one moment we are turning our car off. In the next moment we are reaching to remove the keys from the ignition and we already have a thought in our head. Right? It’s probably something like: Did anyone think about dinner or do I have to? or Damn, I forgot to…, or Yay!!! I’m home!!! I’m so tired… or Okay, don’t forget to do this… this… and this… before you go to bed.  There are other, harder thoughts you may be having too. This thing called life is one long list of to do’s and measure-ups and our expectations keep us moving. It’s not just our body which is tired when we hit the pillow, our brain is too.

These are the everyday reasons why transitions can challenge us, and there are bigger, more dramatic ones too:

  • Grief
  • Anxiety
  • Exhaustion
  • Detachment
  • Panic
  • Despair
  • Emptiness
  • and many more.

There are multiple reasons why we choose to slip away from one moment into the void of a next one without acknowledging the micro-transition we are in, and that’s what change is, a series of micro-transitions.

One breath to the next.

One feeling to the next.

One noticing to the next.

One pang.

One swell.

One wink.

One tear.

One thought.

One impulse.

One step.

One one one one one – on to another – one one one one one – to another one one one one one. That’s what change is.

Some days like New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Week, we enter a forced transition. One year closes and within a micro-transition we are thrust into the fireworks of a new one. Some of us don’t like being told what to do so  time becomes a ‘construct’, others of us love structure and in light of the New Year, we’re on the hunt for the best day-timer ever, some of us choose to not invest at all, in any of it and we just go to the party.

Not right.

Not wrong.

Not attached, nor detached.

It’s something that happens every year on this human plane called our life – two stories collide called New Year’s Eve (and week) and some of us get lost in it for very personal and logical reasons.

Here’s what I want you to know: You’re okay. You’re good. You’ve got this. You are not your feelings, or time, or your thoughts. You are YOU, and there’s a hell of a lot of shit going on inside of you during a transition.

I got you right now, which means you got you too.

Happy New Year.

Because given a choice between saying:  Shitty New Year! or Unconscious New Year! or Scary New Year! I am choosing, in this micro-transition to wish you a HAPPY one.

I got you.

xxTinaO

Want more of the TinaOShow? Subscribe and come on in.

TinaO is a Writer, Story Coach, and Host of the TinaOShow, collecting and telling Stories from the Core. She’s the co-owner of The LEAP Learning Lab with Gina Best, and the other half of The Writer’s Compass with Meribeth Deen. She says: Stories are like toddlers, they will follow you around, tugging, hanging off of you until you listen to them. 

Why Write? – VIDEO

September 18, 2017

Do you write for the love of language?

Do you write to learn?

To fall in?

To discover?

Why do you write?

Let’s keep this really simple. Meribeth and I write because it’s how we connect with ourselves, with you, and with the world. Language is like oxygen for us. Writing is Breathing. Writing is your birthright.

Seriously, it is.

Here are some thoughts we shared under an umbrella on a rainy day on the West Coast. We’re a little pixelated because this started out as a Facebook Live so it’s been downloaded and uploaded a few times… but hey, it’s not about how we look, it’s about the message right?

What is important for you to claim, to understand, to share, to experience, to love, to deepen with?

Here’s to YOU and YOUR WRITING…

with support,

TinaO & Meribeth

TinaO and Meribeth Deen are the creators of The Writer’s Compass, a method of writing that encourages being lost as a way to create, connect and deliver writing from the core. Want to join in our online writing group? Check out our Private Facebook Group: Core Story Writers here. You can also find our programs: WRITE and PUBLISH on The Leap Learning Lab.

Pay What You Can and Pay it Forward to Live Your Best Story – VIDEO

July 21, 2017

 

I didn’t get to where I am in life by doing all of the heavy lifting myself. The truth is, almost every significant experience, and I do mean life changing, has come to me through a leg up. I have rarely, if ever had a breakthrough in my professional or personal life getting there on my own. For real.

Sometimes my social conditioning gets the better of me and I can feel embarrassed about it. I too hear things in my head like:

  • If it’s meant to be it’s up to me.

  • Raise the bar.

  • or this ugly one, raise the bar – trim the fat.

  • The cream will rise to the top

  • Your only limit is you

  • I can and I will

  • It never gets easier, you just get better

But my experience has always been this:

  • If it’s meant to be, ask for help

  • Raise your bar by receiving the gifts coming your way

  • Raise the bar of humanity by allowing everybody in

  • Your only limitation is your unwillingness to lift and be lifted

  • I can because we will

  • Community makes things easier

 

Live Your Best Story

I grew up in rental housing. My dad fell apart after our mom died and when he was laid off in his 50s he never recovered emotionally or financially, leaving the many of us (blended family of 11 – some at home, some not) to get by on my step-mom’s slightly above minimum wage bakery lady pay. The only reason I did, or had anything was because one, I worked for it and two, people helped me and three, I understood what it felt like to be grateful.

I somehow missed the pride gene around this stuff because I didn’t seem to care when someone bought me lunch, I said thank you instead. I wasn’t ashamed to wear my sister’s hand-me-downs. Are you kidding? I was thrilled to wear her grown up stuff!  I learned how to get by on busfare in my pocket, and if I didn’t have that, how to walk and read at the same time (and walk I did!). My practice was: yes please, thank you and what can I do to help?

And I didn’t feel like a charity case either.

Weird right?

Well, not to me.

The first act of kindness I remember learning from was just after my mom passed.  I’m pretty sure it had happened only weeks before and my grade three class was going to Stanley Park. The field trip was really kinda no big deal but the student teacher, Ms. Soleil was. She was the first one to show me what lifting others looks like. After a long day at the beach and hanging with the geese, we were on our way back on the public bus when one of my classmates, Sukvinder was targeted. He was only eight years old, and two young men flipped his melting icecream cup over on his head because of his ethnicity. Our South Vancouver neighbourhood was changing and the once uuber white community was rapidly welcoming an influx of East Indian and Asian families. You know what I remember about my childhood? I didn’t see skin colour. I didn’t notice hair texture. I didn’t register differences. I had friends. That’s it that’s all. So when Sukvinder was picked on by a bunch of teenagers, I couldn’t make sense of it. I was shocked and totally spellbound by Ms. Soleil’s response. She stood up like a super-hero with a furrowed brow and laser eyes, and with fierce, active indignation, she marched those racist boys off the bus so fast they didn’t know what was happening. She was awesome, and her protection of Sukvinder’s self-esteem left a lasting impression on me.

Her action said to me We are all worthy.

She’s also the teacher who sent me home with a photo from that day with a note on the back saying “what a pleasure you are to teach and I’m so sorry about the passing of your mom”.  She was the only teacher who said anything. I remembered that. She wasn’t afraid to acknowledge, or to lift.

Live Your Best Story

Because of this and so many more countless situations where I was the kid, or the grown up who couldn’t figure out how to make it work – and yet was still offered an opportunity to rise up, I’ve never really had an attachment to the belief of CAN or CAN’T.  I won’t say I’m an eternal optimist, because trust me, I’m not. I’m wicked skeptical. I don’t believe in rules though I do recognize them. I don’t follow deadlines, though I’m aware of them. When someone says you’re not allowed, I think, really? We’ll see.

It’s not that I’m cocky (though I can be),

or that I’m irresponsible (though trust me, I can be that too).

It’s not that I’m contrary (though it can look like that),

or that I refuse to follow the rules (I just don’t sometimes).

It’s not that I think I’m above it or that I live in some kind of Steve Jobs reality distortion field (I wish!).

It’s just that my experience has always been LIFE MOVES when WE DO.

Sometimes, there’s a way.

Sometimes, there’s a hand.

Sometimes, you can even when it looks like you can’t.

That’s been my experience.

For this reason, Live Your Best Story, a weekend retreat reconnecting you back to your own voice of timeless wisdom has always been made accessible to anyone who wants to come. The weekend, created and facilitated by Nicolle Nattrass, Carolyn Nesbitt and I, and held at Xenia Retreat Centre on Bowen Island is now starting it’s fifth year.  As such, we’re ready to make our accessible pricing official.

New Pricing for Live Your Best Story

#1 PAY WHAT YOU CAN (with a $100 non refundable deposit)

or #2 PAY IT FORWARD ($695)

and yes… you can pay what you can now and pay it forward later. 

 

Here is how it works: for as little as a $100 non-refundable deposit or as much as $695, (and anything in between) you can book one of our 36 spots/year (we hold the retreat 3x with 12 participants in each weekend Oct/Feb/May).

I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor and here’s what I know about me, neither financial position was a reflection of whether I deserved something or not. Afford it? Maybe, maybe not, but deserve? No.

And I’m going to rattle a few cages here. The whole conversation about ‘if you want it you’ll find the money to make it happen’ – is part of an old paradigm which no longer serves us. While it’s original intention was to EMPOWER people to raise their head, square their shoulders and keep bravely stepping forward, it’s now become a way to price based on perceived worth or even worse, fear of not being worthy. The price points for work meant to help people is beginning to divide us. There are those who can afford personal development, and those who cannot. Or worse, there are those who are empowered enough to attract money into their lives, and those who are not. Yikes… stretch the concept a bit farther and we can get into the whole winner/loser perspective. I’m speaking with broad strokes here of course, but I think you follow me. Here’s a prime example (and I usually like Brian Tracy): 

Live Your Best Story

 

Who wants to be a part of that kind of divisive and disempowering conversation?  The way I see it, we’re the ones throwing ice cream now – only our target is the loser who is choosing not to ‘start’.

Here’s what I see… some people sell stuff at a price more than my mortgage or monthly grocery bill for a family of five. It’s not that their product isn’t WORTH the price – it’s not about worthiness at all. It’s about accessibility, and as someone who values deeply those who have lifted me, I’d like to fan the flames on that kind of practice.

BTW – Accessibility is not about charity, it’s offering a hand.

and it’s not about rescuing either, it’s about creating a space.

Because time and time again I’ve been on the receiving end of such grace and as such, I get it. Now it’s my turn.

On Friday night at Live Your Best Story we always open with “and my wish for you this weekend is…”, and so today, my wish for all of us is to offer more accessibility in our pricing out there. What if we started asking:  How can I help more? How can I serve more? How can I offer what I do in a way that honours as many people as possible AND myself.  

Now that’s abundance:  many, more, all – not just some. There’s no scarcity thinking here.

Imagine if our pricing wasn’t a reflection of ”worth”, but rather of our humanity.

That sounds pretty worthy to me.

You?

Live Your Best Story

Want to check out REGISTRATION DETAILS for Live Your Best Story? We only host the retreat three times per year with a maximum of 12 spots per retreat or 36 spots/year.

You can place your $100 deposit now and choose your dates later!  Click here for more about the weekend, and click here to register. 

 

TinaO is a Core Story Specialist and a Program Director of PUBLISH with Meribeth Deen for The LEAP Learning Lab. She’s a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub to Live, Give and Be Your Story, plus the deep listening weekend retreat Live Your Best Story. She’s been in the PR and Marketing world since she could put words together and has been a professional network marketer for over twelve years. She teaches: selling isn’t slimey, marketing isn’t make-believe and writing won’t give you an aneurysm (it’s not hard). You can be yourself in all that you do. In fact, that’s what the world is waiting for. 

Why I Love Jake Hassel-Gren a TinaO List to Love – BLOG

May 14, 2017

We make some people harder to love because they defy our societal and cultural norms. They’re pure. They don’t mince expectations with filtered down possibilities so everyone else is comfortable. They don’t stop to give you their spot in the sun because they know we all have one.  They think: Why create shade when there’s enough heat for all?

That’s Jake.

She’s highly misunderstood, and it’s precisely what I love about her. What you see is who she is and what she wants for you is everything.  Tricky to believe these days: someone who actually wants the best for you because she understands what it is.

And therein lies the rub.

Her standards are high.

She comes by it honestly. She was raised that way (but that’s next week’s story). Here’s a glimpse though. I can’t help myself.

“My parents are truly incredible human beings. They exposed me to life across it’s multiple landscapes. I had it all. During the week, life in a fine home with velvet curtains and stunning design and then weekends running barefoot in the grass with scads of artists and hippies. There  was no room for judgement in my life, only experiences. My parents gave us and showed us what the best truly is: a full and confident life.”

No wonder I liked her immediately even though I wasn’t sure I should.  She challenged me right from the get-go.  There was no nicey-nicey dumbing it down small-talk. She asked what I did. I told her I’m a Core Story Specialist. I help people articulate exactly who they are and intrinsically, why they do what they do.

And she got it.

“Cool”, she said.  And that was it.

I liked that.

She didn’t offer any polite ‘filler’ conversation. She just moved on to what was next.

What you see is who she is and what she wants for you is everything.

I’ll come completely clean on this one, we work together now and I offered to write this article because I feel lucky to know her. Holy Hannah and mutha of all that is F-bomb sacred, Jake Hassel-Gren has a MASSIVE VISION for female entrepreneurs. She (and I) can drop more F-bombs than a bus load of 14 year olds on Dorritos. The difference is kids do it ’cause they can, and she does it ’cause sometimes it’s called for.  Some moments deserve a capital F in the front with a big ole K at the back.

The truth is though, as much as I send her up now, I completely couldn’t figure her out when we first met.  “I’ll connect you with my friend Jake”, said Charlene SanJenko of PowHERhouse Women’s Media Group to me last August. “She’s the woman behind The LEAP Learning Lab. You two can talk about building a program to help women bring their book from concept to publish-ready.  Jake is as tired as you and I are of seeing women continue to work in silos. We have to change how we do things and Jake’s LEAP Learning Lab is all about that.”

Where does she live? I asked.

“Toronto”, said Charlene.

Oh gawd I thought, not another perfectly coiffed Toronto woman to snicker at my hippy hair and make snide comments about my closet full of Crocs.  Sure… let’s talk. I thought. We’ll see. 

We got on a video chat in September and in perfect post summer form, I had sun-fried frizzy hippy hair and was still bumbling around with beach brain struggling to finish complete thoughts and sentences as we shared big ideas about what would make the lives of female entrepreneur’s easier AND more powHERful.  Jake, once upon a time a VP in the banking world, now an entrepreneur on a mission to create a global, world class online Community of Practice for women and set a platinum standard for online learning, showed up exactly as she is: stunning, primed and ready for anything.

I’m going to write another piece about Jake next week. This is just the beginning.  It’s going to take a lot more than one article to capture this woman’s story. I spent a few hours on the phone with her doing what I do best, which is pulling together who she is at the Core so I can understand why she cares so deeply about women taking their spot, as she calls it.

For today though, my focus is on WHY Jake rather than WHO is Jake. I want you to know why I decided to hitch my online learning wagon to LEAP, and you know me, my reasons always have less to do with business and everything to do with the person.  A long time ago, in an entrepreneurial class I took in my early twenties, the teacher at the front of the room said “never do business with someone you wouldn’t have over for dinner”.  That truth has stayed with me.  So here’s a bit about Jake and why I think she’s pretty dang spectacular.

TinaO’s Top Ten Reasons Why I Love Jake Hassel-Gren.

Do women even say that about women anymore? I do.

#1 – She’s wicked, and every other totally awesome and righteous word I used in the 80’s. Remember how the 80’s defied logic? There was only one direction, and it was UP.  That’s how it feels to work beside Jake. We’re going somewhere and it’s gonna be florescent green, Madonna awesome.

#2 – She likes dogs. Seriously, her dogs have matching winter jackets and she’d never treat them like an accessory though they will look fantastic.  She’s a ‘small dog’ parent and yes she does post funny dog videos on Facebook.

#3 – She speaks artist. Okay, I’m stretching the truth a little (maybe a lot). She doesn’t actually SPEAK artist, but she FEELS artist which is harder and far more vulnerable to do.  I couldn’t hang with this chick if we didn’t connect in this way.

#4 – She wears red lipstick like it’s a signature. Red is primary. It isn’t made from something else by anything else. Perfect.

BTW, it’s Chanel. I asked.

#5 – She can flip you the bird while screaming your praises. Expression is like that. It’s a full contact sport. Jake does life out loud and what she doesn’t say with her words, she’ll tell you with her eyes.

#6 – It took less than 3 seconds for my phone to ring when I told her about my sister passing. Not a text. She phoned. Who calls anyone anymore? Jake.

#7 – She asks “How are you?” at least twice a week. In her world of ‘best’, of ‘do’, of ‘be’ she still finds the time to connect with those she cares about. She says things like “I was thinking about you today. How did your doctor’s appointment go?”, or “How are you holding up?”, and “Do you need anything?”.  Again, I ask you, how many people do you have in your life who do that regularly?

#8 – She calls me out on my greatness and I’m not talkin’ blowing sunshine up my butt. It’s not about compliments, it’s about saying what is so. She’s the first to say “You know that. You do that. You are that.” – When she says it, I believe it. When I say it, I talk myself out of it. I’d rather listen to her.

#9 – She loves football. Okay, so I grew up with too many brothers and I can’t stand watching sports on tv or in an arena, but I frickin’ love that she’s over-the-top, beyond-all-understanding, geeked-out C R A Z Y about The New England Patriots. I gotta respect that kinda passion you know?

#10 – When I asked her what is ‘home’ for her, and what is her greatest medicine? She said LOVE. 

Jake is a big game of life player.  She gets up every morning and asks: How can I be of service today? Some of us are harder to understand because our whole package doesn’t match the stories set up and made-up by others on the outside. Jake is like that.

I thought she was tough. She is.

I thought she was an uncompromising high achiever. She is.

I thought she was opinionated, driven and sharp. She is that too.

I thought she cared about success. She does.

Yours.

and Hers.

and Mine.

Because in Jake’s world, you don’t have to step into the shade to give someone else a piece of the sun.

The best is meant for all of us, and a woman need only stand and claim her spot to know that for herself.

This is PART ONE of TinaO’s Exclusive on Jake Hassel-Gren. Watch for Jake’s Core Story in PART TWO coming out next week. For more about Jake’s LEAP Learning Lab, you can visit her site. 

TinaO is a Core Story Specialist and a Program Director of PUBLISH with Meribeth Deen for The LEAP Learning Lab. She’s a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub to Live, Give and Be Your Story, plus the deep listening weekend retreat Live Your Best Story. She’s been in the PR and Marketing world since she could put words together and has been a professional network marketer for over twelve years. She teaches: selling isn’t slimey, marketing isn’t make-believe and writing won’t give you an aneurysm (it’s not hard). You can be yourself in all that you do. In fact, that’s what the world is waiting for. 

Core Story Writing Prompt – Where the Wild Things Are – VIDEO

April 20, 2017

Our communication is only ever as powerful as the core we’re willing to plug into.  It’s kind of like saying a team is only as strong as it’s weakest link or, the strength of how you start ‘off the block’ often sets up the fire of how you finish. Writing from the core is like being powered straight from the source. It takes courage and muscle and a lot of practice. Using writing prompts can help with that.

Every week in my Core Story Club (which I run with my writing partner Meribeth Deen), we post a weekly writing prompt. Today’s is inspired by Maurice Sendak’s book, Where the Wild Things Are which I read as a child and loved so much so that I had to find it and read it to my three boys as they grew up.

Remember this?

I swear I can still smell the carpet in the library I first heard this in.

 

Sendak’s book won multiple awards including the 1964 Caldecott Medal, the most Notable Children’s Books of 1940-1970 (ALA), the 1981 Boston Globe-Horn Book Award for Illustration, the 1963 & 1982 Fanfare Honor List (The Horn Book), the Best Illustrated Children’s Books of 1963, 1982 (NYT), and the 1964 Lewis Carroll Shelf Award. It was later made into a stunningly evocative film in 2009 by the celebrated director Spike Jonze. I frickin’ love it.

Today, I’m asking you, if you were in the land of Where the Wild Things Are…

What would you do?

How would you live?

What might you say?

Where might you say it?

When might you care the most?

Who would you let yourself be?

Why would you roar?

 

Set your timer for 3 minutes and finish this sentence:  Where the Wild Things Are I…

Keep going – do not cross out

Keep writing – do not erase

Keep breathing – do not crumple up

What does your story want to tell you today?

 

Here’s the thing… I never post without doing it myself, so here is mine.

I’m setting the timer now.

Ready… Set… now I Go…

Where the wild things are I write like a demon. Words spill out of me and I don’t hold back. Where the wild things are I can see full colour and I say the things that my heart wants to sing. The truth is, I feel like I live where the wild things are anyway. I kinda am a wild thing. Okay, so I’m not kinda a wild thing, I am one. I’m afraid of that sometimes. Truly. I wear red because it reminds me that I am that. I wear red because it has a beginning, a middle and an end and the world understands it. Okay, so true that people have opinions about women who wear red. Lady in Red. Revlon Red. Red nails. Oh my goodness that makes me think of Cheap Trick and that album cover with the red leather pants. I was only nine years old when that album came out.  I had lots of opinions about women and men who wear red. I’m a wild thing and I hold on to my red purse, remember my red dock martins, eat red tomatoes and colour my hair red (well sometimes) when I’m brave enough to let the world know how wild I am.  I like primary red. I like that you can’t blend it to make it. It just is. It’s red, wild and wonderful. I’m a wild thing – what can I say?

What do I learn from this?

RED is an expression of my core story even if it’s a secretive part for me. It’s how I share my wild self in a contained kind of way.

How might I use this?

Well… look at my logo.  Interesting right?

Here’s another way to use these prompts.  Our stories come through us in different ways.  How I share my story as a writer is different than how I share as a speaker. I did this writing prompt as a vlog too.  I still timed it. I still did the stream of consciousness thingy without filtering.

JOIN IN THE CORE STORY CLUB HERE

 

TinaO is a Core Story Specialist and a Program Director of PUBLISH with Meribeth Deen for The LEAP Learning Lab. She’s a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub to Live, Give and Be Your Story, plus the deep listening weekend retreat Live Your Best Story. She’s been in the PR and Marketing world since she could put words together and has been a professional network marketer for over twelve years. She teaches: selling isn’t slimey, marketing isn’t make-believe and writing won’t give you an aneurysm (it’s not hard). You can be yourself in all that you do. In fact, that’s what the world is waiting for. 

 

Six Reasons Why Your Core Story is How We See and Hear you From Space – BLOG

March 22, 2017

 

Your Book and Message Will be Different.

Because Your Book will Make you Money and not just Cost Buckets of it.

You are smart. You are committed. You’ve done everything you’ve been told to do to ”level up” as they say. You have followed the lead generating system that everyone knows works and looks something like:

  1. Build your network – Grow your audience 
  2. Offer a valuable optin – Grow your list
  3. Have an irresistible offer – Convert your leads
  4. Post two blogs per week – Drive traffic to your site
  5. Write your book – Cultivate credibility 

Am I right?

You’re doing it all.

You’re ticking off every box.

You’re a freakin’ rock star… but… nothing is happening right?

Or something is happening but it’s not enough and it’s certainly not what you thought.

Here’s why:

STORY.

Your CORE STORY.

and YOU.

When you paid big money for that marketing course, or the program with that proven formula to ‘write your book and be seen as an expert’, no one told you that the single most important ingredient in the whole darn this is your story, specifically your core story.

It’s not about:

  • a word count or reaching 90,000 words.
  • a compelling title.
  • ten key steps or five key steps to a great book (for those who like less as more).

It’s not the steps, it’s the story that lives within them.

It’s not writing your book, it’s telling the story.

Your client and audience only have three resources: time, money and energy. Whether you are a consultant, a coach, a thought leader or a CEO, when you put your book out into the market, you are asking your reader to spend all three of their precious resources with you. Write your book by a formula and I promise you you’ll get your book, but you’ll also lose your credibility and audience unless you write from your core.

Your core story is what connects you to your people. It’s what shakes you into their memory. It creates an imprint that they’re compelled to talk about. It’s what builds your ”tribe” as Seth and Simon say. Your story is the greatest vehicle of trust building that you have. Don’t waste it.

Here are the six parts to creating a Core Story of trust and impact. I’m going to help you because as the story teller you have a blindspot, and that is you. Your story is riddled with them and that’s why you need me and when I write, I need someone else. Our story deserves that level of love and respect.

Here are six ingredients to catapult your message and brand promise into the stratosphere. That’s my benchmark btw. I know we’ve hit gold when I can see and hear you from space. Until we get there, we’re not done.

Six Core Story Ingredients that will Catapult your Message and Promise into the Stratosphere

  1. Your Innate Who
  2. Your Urgent Why
  3. Your Compelling How
  4. Your Impactful Where
  5. Your Profound What
  6. Your Life Changing When

Pretty logical right? Sure, but I promise you, if you attack this list on your own, you’re going to get all clever about it and it will never work. Story is personal even if the details are not, the process always is.

I want your book, your message, your brand’s foundation to rest on these six solid pillars of a Core Story because:

  • I don’t want your book to collect dust in the closet, sitting in a box of hope.
  • I don’t want your marketing message to be thought of as shlock.
  • I don’t want your keynote to be forgotten and considered just one of one hundred other possibilities.
  • Most importantly, because this one really gets under my skin, I don’t want your book to cost you more money, than you’ll make from it.
  • I want your story to matter to the world in the same way it matters to you.

Here’s how I’m going to make sure this happens:

Here are TinaO’s Top Ten Core Story Principles to Being Seen and Heard from Space. Sounds silly right? But it’s not. Think local and act global right? It’s time to speak, write, work and share from the core of your story to create a lasting impression that people are willing to invest in. Enough already about making a difference… be the difference with your story.

Click here to receive TinaO’s Top Ten Core Story Principles.

It’s a PLAYBOOK.

I speak directly to you.

There is a workbook too.

I’m silly.

It’s direct.

It’s more than just a read, it’s an experience.

Let’s do this together.

You Matter, and so does your Story.

xxT

 TinaO is a Core Story Specialist, a Program Director of PUBLISH with Meribeth Deen for The Leap Learning Lab, she’s a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub to Live, Give and Be Your Story, plus the deep listening weekend retreat Live Your Best Story. She’s been in the PR and Marketing world since she could put words together and has been a professional network marketer for over twelve years. She teaches: selling isn’t slimey, marketing isn’t make-believe and writing won’t give you an aneurysm (it’s not hard). You can be yourself in all that you do. In fact, that’s the world is waiting for. 

Want my book?  Get it here.

[madmimi id=504703]

 

Meribeth Deen on Why your Book Matters – BLOG

February 22, 2017
 Your book. Yes, the one that’s you’re writing in your head. The one that you tell your confidantes about, the one that you know will be great, if you ever get around to writing it.
There are so many reasons not to: a lack of time, not being sure of how to actually take the first steps, you’re insecurity about the way the words you put on the page sound… and then of course, the best excuse of all: you question, do books even matter these days anyway? This is the question I want to answer right now, and the answer is YES, they do matter. And yes, YOUR book matters.
Writing it, is your chance to state your case across party lines, across time, space, race and sex.
Your book is an opportunity to connect, to make an impact. You don’t know who you’ll make an impact with, and you don’t know what the impact will be (although some educated guessing can help in the writing of your marketing plan).
But when you write with integrity, you can move forward with a “strong spine and open heart” to field whatever questions, conversations and criticisms may come your way.
Your book, the one that you know will be great, if you ever get around to writing it. 
Your book is an opportunity for growth – you don’t have to be right, and someday you may look back and think how very wrong you were, but you wrote with honesty and so you will honestly own up to having moved on to a new perspective. The book will simply be a record of who you were when you wrote it, and that’s a good thing. It will give you something to measure yourself against.
Why write a book? Because it won’t get lost in the digital ether, like this blog post.
See you in PUBLISH. Read on to find out how you can be on the VIP list to have first in line access for this exclusive program. 
Meribeth

If you are a Canadian woman entrepreneur, leader, innovator, millennial or your business offers services to women in Canada we invite you to find out more about LEAP Learning Lab.We are a team of 10 fabulous Canadian women creating opportunities for other Canadian women to accelerate their success and their results across multiple disciplines. We also offer corporate learning solutions for businesses committed to the development of their women leaders.

We are looking for fabulous Canadian women to learn, live and lead with us. Collectively, through learning, we will make each other better humans.

Find out how this fabulous group of Canadian women can help you accelerate your results. CLICK HERE TO JOIN OUR VIP LIST for our upcoming VIP Summit Feb 28th and/or March 1st. 

 

Meribeth Deen is a Journalist and a Story Producer. She’s produced radio documentaries all over the world and brought the stories of whistle-blowers at Guantanamo Bay to the screen. She goes to where the truth lives. She’s kind, process oriented and believes that when writing, you need to get lost in order to find the point.

TinaO’s Three Asks Per Day for Network Marketers – BLOG

February 2, 2017

I learned this a number of years ago when I first started my Network Marketing business:  do 3 asks/day.

Ask what?  I wondered.

Of course in those days we just asked for the booking, the sale, or the invitation to present the business opportunity, and so that’s what I did, over and over and over again, and boy did it work because the truth is, I rarely did just three. I always did ten or more. In doing so, I became very good at asking, in fact my ask muscle was so strong, I used to tell people that you’ll know you’re a master when you’ve grown a prospecting antennae in your brain. I would tell them this story:

You know how you can be standing at the checkout counter of your local drugstore in the mall but you can spot a lost child one hundred metres away? Somehow, even though it’s the end of the day, you’re busy running a guilty commentary in your head about eating a kitkat bar, all the while you’re thinking about tomorrow’s to do list, the work you didn’t get finished today and yet, bam… you can notice a lost kid across the mall. It’s as if your parent antennae flicks a switch and out of nowhere you are ready to do the 100 metre dash to help that child who is now wimpering over a football field away. That’s the antennae. Over time, I would say, with enough asking, you will build a prospecting antennae that can operate just like that: You will be able to spot a prospect 100 metres away.

And you do.

But then over even more time this will happen:

… when you quit your business, this is what you will tell me “I just couldn’t take it anymore. It was exhausting. I was looking at everyone knowing that I needed to ask them about my products and business because if I didn’t somebody else would.”

Have you ever told yourself that?  “If I don’t ask them about my business someone else will”.  In fact my favourite quote from the stage by a trainer about this is: “while you’re sitting at home figuring out what to say, I’m out there sponsoring your grandma!” – Yikes. Now there’s some adrenalized motivation. But it is funny. Oh man, I said that over and over and over to myself for months and it made me laugh every time.

If you’ve been in the network marketing industry for any amount of time you will have heard that concept, and if you haven’t, trust me, it’s coming. It’s almost a sales mantra out there. And here’s why: because it’s true. After twelve years into my business I can honestly say that I have lost count of the number of people “I missed out on” after they started with someone else because either I didn’t ask them, or because I did ask them but they didn’t want to do business with me. Oh the rejection…

And then you’ll tell me that you’re quitting because “it’s too heartbreaking”, or “I can’t take the rejection.”

So let’s blow this up shall we? As in, let’s throw a couple of sticks of truth-dynamite into this fear based prospecting style and start over okay?

As a Tall Poppy Network Marketer:

  • you do NOT take on fear based motivation, instead you follow a simple, sustainable system that produces results, and you follow it.
  • you do NOT prospect everyone that breathes, instead you introduce your product and business to those whom you would genuinely enjoy consulting and/or working with.
  • you do NOT attach your self-worth to your product or your business. When someone says no to you, you say, “thanks for telling me. I appreciate that. Here’s how you can find me if you ever have a change of heart and by the way, I do an annual holiday (or Mother’s Day, or Fitness etc…) campaign, can I be in touch with you about that? What is the best way for me to reach you? Email?”

As a Tall Poppy Network Marketer, you WILL follow a system of THREE ASKS/DAY, that’s it, that’s all.

Here’s why:

3 Asks/day takes only twenty minutes of time.

3 Asks/day = 15 asks/week

15 asks/week = 60 brand/product exposures

60 asks/week = a full calendar of bookings.

a full calendar of bookings = the building block business habit of your business.

In my business, my three asks per day are to fill my calendar with ten 30 minute one on one consultations over the phone/week (btw, that means 5 hours of business building activity) where I can ask them questions about what their interests are, tell my story, and offer some samples to try, or offer them a chance to check out my Facebook Group.

Once they’ve done that, I continue the conversation with two follow-ups / day which usually takes about 15 minutes / person and these are usually super casual, via facebook messenger or text (btw that’s 2.5 hours of business / week).

From there, twenty or so will actually want to buy something from me and of those twenty, ten will want something substantial.

And here’s what’s cool – since this method is ridiculously simply, totally relationship based, non-sales-weird, and has no adrenalin or rejection attached to it – these customers usually stay and so do I.

Three asks/day, that’s it, that’s all.

I’m a math person so here’s what it looks like for all of you numbers people out there:

  • 3 ask/day = 60 asks/mth
  • which become 40 connections (30 minute calls) / mth
  • which become 20 sales / mth
  • which become 10 repeat customers / mth
  • which generates 2 or 3 people interested in my business.

These are good numbers don’t you think?

_____________________________________

 

TinaO is a Core Story Specialist and a Program Director of PUBLISH with Meribeth Deen for The Leap Learning Lab. She’s a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub to Live, Give and Be Your Story, plus the deep listening weekend retreat Live Your Best Story. She’s been in the PR and Marketing world since she could put words together and has been a professional network marketer for over twelve years. She teaches: selling isn’t slimey, marketing isn’t make-believe and writing your book won’t give you an aneurysm (it’s not hard). You can be yourself in all that you do. In fact, that’s the world is waiting for. 

Curious about TinaO’s Network Marketing business? Contact me here. These comments are NOT public, they instead go directly to my email address which is tina@liveyourbeststory.com