Skillset Archives - Page 5 of 5

Hump Day Teaser… Tara Caffelle

January 19, 2016

Tomorrow Tara Caffelle brings on the hump.

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’m a get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps …check it out.

-Black Eyed Peas

Did I just post that? Oh boy. Can you tell I’m kind of a prude? Well, maybe prude is too strong. I’m just kinda, sorta, unsure? I think. Maybe? I think my appropriate gene is loud and strong inside of me. Can one be publicly private, but privately not so much? Hmmmm… that’s me I think. Is that you too?

Of course when I hear those hump lyrics I don’t think about The Peas or the song. I think about Will Farrell in Blades of Glory. Remember this?

And THAT is why I invited Tara to TinaOLife. She takes the preciousness out of sex and intimacy. She takes the public insanity about it all and reminds us that relationships are personal, they’re ours, and oh so beautiful. Tara transforms what is private and personal into understanding, claiming and enjoying all that intimate and that’s worth sharing. What do you way we go public with that.

Tara and I decided to launch Hump Day with Tara starting with a few questions from me. Since most of you are here checking out TinaOLife at this point because you know me, or you know someone who knows me… I’m likely not even six degrees from you but more like 1 or 2 right? – so let’s keep it real. Let’s start with the things that I want to know.

Here’s a sneak peek at tomorrow’s question to TinaOLife’s Hump Day Lady from me:

Tara, you know my history with Mr. Todd and that our relationship has been the greatest teacher for both of us (which means it ain’t been easy as you know). You talk about ”super couples”, what does that mean exactly? And do you think it’s possible for everyone?

Tune in tomorrow for Tara’s awesome answer. Are you part of a Super Couple? Wanna be one?

xxT

Oh yeah… and when you want to know more about Tara, go here.

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

Is Your Knowledge on Ice?

January 16, 2016

Ignorance on fire is better than knowledge on ice, or so they say. This success strategy has served me well for a long time but has cost me dearly for an even longer one.

My whole life I’ve been a dive into the unknown kinda gal. I do my best work in anything and everything I do when I know the least. I race to the top in whatever I do and faster than most because I am very comfortable wearing Steve Jobs’ Reality Distortion Field and keeping my head down, my eye on the prize and look only at what I’m doing.

When I don’t know what I don’t know, there’s nothing to tell me that I can’t leaving only possibility. This has been a brilliant results oriented success system for me. From the outside everything looks great: I do, I achieve, I am applauded, and then I move on. Wait a minute… that’s the kicker right? The trap of this kind of success formula is that there’s little desire further the work once I’ve nailed the goal. Why? Because I’m no longer ignorance on fire. I’m now knowledge on ice, with no motivation to get warm. And then it gets cold, freaking cold, like anxiety driven, worry filled night kinda cold as I sort out:

What do I do now that I know what I know?

How do I feed this success animal I’ve built on ignorance when my eyes are open to the whole picture now?

You may have heard this before too because I didn’t come up with it, and the person who taught it to me probably didn’t either:

Stage one = Uninformed optimism Stage two = Informed

Stage three is usually = Informed pessimism.

Why usually? Because it takes walking the double edge sword of all things in order to get to informed optimism. It takes converting informed on both the positive and the negative side of it to give you wisdom. Most of us just want the shortcut. We don’t want wisdom. We want results. We serve the bottomline or the adrenaline of achievement, or the satisfaction of belonging because we’re ‘worthy’ due to our accomplishment. Come on now, ‘fess up. Why do you go for challenges and incentives? Why do you take risks? What is usually your motivation for diving into the unknown?

You might say: Because I’m curious Tina. I’m a life-long learner.

I say: Cool. Then what? How do you let that learning LIVE?

For most of my professional life (up until now), I’ve been happily doing and achieving as ignorance on fire. Wow… what a rush. There’s always something new to learn, the excitement of the unknown and then the reward of figuring shit out. You could feed me this recipe for breakfast, lunch and dinner and all deserts and drinks too. I EAT THIS UP!

But then I get a stomach ache. I’m frozen by what I’ve learned. I can see the pot holes, the areas of growth that are needed, the dark corners and the stinky stuff that if cleaned up would make things even better. Oh mannnn why do that when ignorance on fire has such a higher return? Why implement anything I’ve learned when I can just go on learning new stuff?

I’m in the network marketing industry and this is a slogan that is thrown around at every ‘getting started’ training out there. As organization builders in a sales and recruitment based business, our bottomline and our team’s confidence go up when we have new people starting their business with us. We WANT FRESH FACES because it reminds us that this opportunity rocks, and you know what – it freaking does rock. Ten years in, with all the knowledge I have and very little ignorance left, I can say without a shred of holding back, this is the best industry going out there if:

you wanna make lots of money with low risk or overhead.
you wanna work part time.
you like people
you’re a life long learner.

But here’s the deal: You gotta let go of the ignorance on fire thing and ditch the knowledge on ice thing too if you really want to enjoy the fruit. Malcolm Gladwell talks about 10,000 hours to mastery. Well, that’s about 7 years in a 15 hour/week network marketing business. You sure as heck ain’t gonna be ignorance on fire for seven years.

Like any long term venture be it business, friendship, marriage, career, personal growth, whatever… the TRUTH of that story will always out over time and that means that the veil of ignorance will lift and knowledge with set in. Nothing is without dark corners. Nothing is without improvement needed. Nothing is perfect and that’s what makes the whole darn thing worth investing in.

So… if you buy this whole Ignorance on Fire is Better than Knowledge on Ice thing, I challenge you to step into WISDOM and see what kind of satisfaction, freedom and true wealth lives there instead.

My wish for you is true freedom, is peace, is long term success and feeling good about what you do.

What to check out my network marketing business? You totally can. Click here for an electronic business pack. Why not? You’re ignorance on fire for such a short time… wink.

xxT

I’m Walking… Still Walking…

January 15, 2016

Goals stink so says I. Why? Because you can’t just order them off a menu like they don’t belong to you. In order for them to work, they have to mean something. While placing your mouth watering want with the waiter in front of you might feel like a big deal – the reality is once the food is gone so is the meal.

A goal has to has to be rooted in a yearning in order for you to keep going. Lets face it, none of us would tread through snow up to our knees with our cheeks, ears and nose screaming cold from the wind, unable to see more than three feet in front of us if we didn’t believe that the promised warm cabin just 100 metres away wasn’t really there. We just wouldn’t do it – well, we wouldn’t do it by choice.

Goals are choices.

Goals are destinations.

Goals are stakes in the earth, in our mind, and on our calendars.

Goals are decisions.

This morning I set a bunch of mine in motion because I put them to the page. I’ve been self-employed for almost three decades and goals make me nauseous and angry now, yet try as I might I can’t seem to ditch the word. When I pick up my pen and my auto-pilot goal-setter kicks in, she writes: My Goal for TinaOLife…. My Goal for LYBS…. My Goal for my Network Marketing Business… My Goal for Me…

Man oh man… I just can’t ditch the word goal even though I don’t believe in them.

I believe in story.

I believe in walking.

I believe in direction fueled by a yearning.

and then I walk. as I listen. as I follow and lead, and move in the direction of the story of which I’ve chosen to be the main character.

I just keep walking.

Where do you walk? Why? Do you care? Are you willing to?

xxT

A Face, Heart and a Dream

January 8, 2016

Tonight a handful of team members from my network marketing biz are gathering at Xenia Retreat Centre for a Mastermind Retreat away into their business and their lives.

We’ll eat (always). We’ll talk (of course) about how we can live more healthfully and passionately. We’ll dig in (needed) to the areas of our business that are clunky and beg for attention. We’ll get clear about what goals/targets/intentions really matter to us and what we’re willing to truly show up for this year. We’ll sharpen our skills (stretch always) and we’ll take on this live/work balance conundrum that is so personal to each of us. We’ll lift each other up because it’s often easier to see greatness in others before we can see it in ourselves.

It’s just another day at the office – rich and challenging because none of us ‘have’ to go to this work, we choose it instead. Wow, it’s so much easier to procrastinate our way out of that isn’t it? It’s a business of people, as in we get paid when we sell stuff to people and when we nurture and coach people too (which isn’t everybody’s natural skill set and it takes time to learn) – makes it complicated. A lot of us struggle with getting paid when there’s ‘people’ involved! ack! How can that be fair or honest? Here’s the thing I’ve learned over a decade in the industry, it’s actually the most honest work I can do. When there’s a face, a heart, a dream, or a family on the other side of what I do, it is my deep privilege to show up. These are people after-all, not faceless ‘team members and prospects’. Crazyyyy but my best friends have come from this business. These are the people who have walked through personal and professional fires with me and I with them. I don’t need to get paid for that, but wow, what an illogical bonus that I do.

Whatever you do for a living, my wish for every single one of us is that wherever you are Monday to Friday and beyond, that you’re part of a community, you belong, you love and are loved. That’s real wealth.

xxT

Come in From the Cold

January 7, 2016

Yes I’m in the network marketing industry but this isn’t a pitch because that would be dumb. You’re way smarter than that. And let’s be straight here – your ‘salesperson sniff test’ would have my offer hung on a hook over your fireplace so fast I wouldn’t even have a chance to squeak out my why story. Let’s be real here. The scent of a seller can be picked up from miles away.

Two of my sons are at that age where career choices shouldn’t even be in their consciousness, but it is. They are fourteen and twelve. Let me ask you, when you were a teenager did you give two licks about how you would want to spend 40-60 hours per week trading time for money? No. You had a dream (if you were lucky), you may have had a whiff of a passion (if you were blessed that way), and you may have even figured out a couple of things that set you apart from your fellow students (if your parents or teachers saw it in you). But honestly, could you foresee that you would be doing what you are doing right now, back then? And would your profession today have made you want to buckle down at fifteen years old to get good grades in order to do it?

For a small percentage of us – the answer might be yes, but it’s complicated isn’t it? Getting to where you are today, even if you are totalllllllly fulfilled and in your ‘Vein of Gold’ as Julia Cameron calls it, was likely not as simple a process as earning As and Bs in grade ten. For a large percentage of us, our j.o.b. has nothing to do with our dreams or our passions, but instead has become that thing we do j.b. (just because).

I think J.O.B.’s are given a bad rap in the network marketing industry. I think running your own direct sales organization, serving clients and supporting new team members to reach the heights of their potential is also a j.o.b. and it’s just as challenging, time consuming, frustrating and as wildly fulfilling (often more so) as it is to go to ‘work’ each day.

I started in this industry over ten years ago and while, just like any j.o.b., I’ve loved it, been frustrated, been enamoured and crushed, felt purposeful and useless, been side-swiped and blessed… this is my j.o.b. and shhhh… listen closely because I’m going to whisper this… selling and recruiting is not my passion. Sometimes I feel like I’m bad-mouthing the industry when I admit that selling isn’t my “it” because there is such a push out there these days to Live Your Passion, to Be Your Genius, to never Sell-Out on your Dreams… Here’s my big aha that smacked me silly a few years back: Why did I ever believe I had to choose? When did having a job = bad, and living a dream = good? What if having them both = peaceful? = happy? Being a network marketer is my skillset and not my soulset. It requires my mindset to flex positively like a muscle I’ve trained to respond, and this j.o.b. asks only of my body that it do what it’s designed to do: eat for fuel, sleep for repair and breathe to live. It’s not romantic or dreamy eyed, yet it’s warm and it’s just as real as any job I’ve ever had.

The network marketing industry isn’t weird, it isn’t a cop-out, and it sure isn’t a short cut either. It’s a j.o.b. just like everything else we can do to earn an income. I love it because it fits me. Would I have chosen this as a profession in grade ten? Ummm absolutely not. Would I have studied for it in college? Are you kidding me? No no no no no… most definitely not. Funny eh? Somehow I ended up here and this overlooked, highly judged and wildly misunderstood industry has grown me up like nothing else I’ve ever done has.

In it’s simplicity, network marketing or direct sales is just another way for people to come in from the cold. I earn a good, honest living, and my needs are being met. I’m peaceful and that’s all that truly matters to me.

xxT

The Year of Joy

January 3, 2016

Last year I realized I don’t really get joy or laughter or spontaneous lightness.

Oh crap really?

Yup.

I was pulling up to my home and looking at the big black gate we have to close so our bad ass family dog doesn’t take off. He’s not really bad-ass, he just has a deep bark and uses it to let you know that you are walking/cycling/jogging by his family’s home. How dare you – he says. I’m watching – he says. I digress… I pull up on to our gravel driveway (best sound ever btw), get out to close the gate and I have this thought: For a happy person, you don’t laugh much.

What did I just say?

You don’t laugh much.

Oh. Right.

I’m the happy mom, the positive lady, the person you can count on to find the open door of possibility and not the locked one. I’m a Capricorn born on the cusp of Sagittarius. I’m eternally optimistic while grounded in reality. But I’m a happy person who doesn’t laugh much. Crap. It’s as if I was born with a barrel of sunshine up my bum, butterfly wings on my heart yet an anchor on my soul. I choose joy, or rather I want to. No shit, really I want to.

It’s not that I’m a happy person masking my deep sadness.

I’m not playing pretend so you all like me either.

I don’t smile because it’s easier even when I’d rather not.

I’m just that way. I always have been.

It wasn’t until I had my third child and recognized myself in his sheer delight in waking up every morning that I let myself off the hook for being a genuinely happy person. However, JOY is another subject entirely.

Here is how I know that I don’t embody joy:

spontaneous deep laughter escapes me.
I’m polite by default. Like I’m always just a little bit in check. It’s hard to erupt into anything when you’re governed by politeness.
I wake up with multiple Oh no…. what if…. thoughts. Heavy.
My auto-pilot says ‘what am I preparing for today’ instead of ‘I can’t wait for life to unfold!’
I think a lot.

Now none of these things are bad right? I know a lot of people who could afford to think a little bit more, choose kindness first, step back out of the spotlight so as to give it to someone else first. You know these people too. Having an auto-pilot who is pre-disposed to consider before acting is a very good thing in a world with lots of other people in it.

For me, today, for 2016, I’m choosing to recognize the hole that I fall into again and again and again. That’s all. My dear friend Paula Shaw from The Max (a self-actualization and expression workshop) calls it the trap of ‘the no choice choice’. The choice I have made is to not have the choice to live Joyously.

I have developed a skill of manufactured joy but authentic happiness. Oh gawd. I can even make happiness complicated. See why joy escapes me?

This is my year of joy and I don’t even really know what that means. I suspect we’ll find out together. My first ‘to do’ around this topic is to ‘do nothing’. When I wake up with a long list to do, I’m going to choose a minimum of one hour of ‘not doing’ instead just to see what happens. What do you think?

Choose Joy. mmmm…. I’m in.

xxT

Announcing TinaOLife’s Regular Contributors

December 9, 2015