Chris Dierkes Archives

Dear Soul Dude – What is my Life’s Purpose?

April 25, 2016

Yesterday I announced that Soul Interpreter, Chris Dierkes will be sharing a regular post here on TinaOLife. If you missed it, here is what I’m so thrilled about.

Today we launch Chris’ column “Dear Soul Dude” and he’s chosen to nail a biggie: the soul and your life’s purpose. Oh boy. How many sleepless nights have you had rolling that question around over and over and over and over and over…? It makes my stomach flip just thinking about it. A few years ago I would wake up between 3am and 4am almost every night just twitching with this question. I would sedate myself with netflix in order to go back to sleep, usually by 6am, just when my ‘duties’ as mom was starting.

I love that we’re opening up Chris’ column with this delicious topic. Have a read. What are your thoughts? What are your questions? We’ll be sure to respond just as quickly as time allows. Ready? Let’s dive in!

I want you to help me find my purpose.

I want to discover my purpose in life.

When I talk to individuals considering entering into a soul work process this is the most common complaint and desire they bring with them.

I empathize with the sincere desire that underlies the statement. I think framing the the issue as finding or discovering one’s purpose is causing people huge amounts of unnecessary suffering and pain.

I believe wanting to discover your purpose in life is really problematic. But please hear what I am and am not saying in that statement. Undoubtedly the desire to express your soul is genuine. Conceiving of and framing that desire as finding or discovering your purpose is very bad.

Why? Seems sorta nuts to oppose people finding their purpose in life no? It might be a foolhardy quest but I’m going to try to persuade you that trying to find your purpose is an unhelpful approach to life. In order to get there however we first need a little background on the nature of the soul and its desires. Once we do that I hope you’ll understand why I’m arguing against looking to discover or find your purpose in life.

Be Careful (How You Frame) What You Wish For

The soul works through irresistible impulse, deep desire, and profound pull. The soul is a kind of generative germinator, a locus of longing. The soul is tidal; it’s energies build and gather intensity like the ocean’s waves. The passions of a soul incite it to movement and motivate it to action. The soul’s surge is an impulsion; it is kinetic, charged, dynamic.

Impulsion, drive, longing, these are the urges and surges of the soul.

Now the next step is to learn the fine art of creatively and judiciously beginning to ride those tidal impulses of the soul, to put those soul impulsions into concrete language. This path involves giving voice to these deep urges of the soul by letting them coalesce into intentions.

Intentions act as frames, as containers for these deeper-than-words groanings of the soul. Intentions give shape, consistency, and meaning to the soul’s sighs.

Intentions then are crucially important. There is a sweet spot where an intention has enough concreteness to give tangible shape and profile to a soul longing and yet is not so dense that it flattens the soul’s desire. This process of moulding a soul’s instincts into a life-giving intention is an art not a science. In other words, not all intentions are created equal. Some intentions, some containers are more congruent to the subtlety and power of a soul desire. Some less so.

The soul is more like an inclination. Soul longings incline in certain directions. They incline away from other directions. But these inclinations, these urges are not yet to be so narrowly defined as to efface the multiple ways that these longings can be practically realized and expressed.

The soul is more like an inclination.

As it comes to this particular topic of life path, the deep longing, the primordial urging of a soul, is to express its true nature, to irradiate the world with its singular light. This is universally the case for all souls.

That impulse is deeply felt by people. It’s a beautiful one. It’s very real.

Here then comes the mistake (in my view). That beautiful impulse of a soul is then interpreted and framed as needing to “find my purpose in life.” In naming the deep soul longing as such the person has inadvertently already begun to lose touch with the deeper impulse. They accurately sensed it but they have unfortunately mislabeled it and badly framed it.

The impulse is valid. The framework of interpretation is not. The latter distorts the former. What is needed then is the felt sense of the underlying tidal surging of the soul AND a more adequate frame to understand it, to seek to concretely surf it.

Finding Means Something Is Lost

If you begin with the proposition that you want to find your purpose you are describing your purpose as lost. When people say to me “they are looking for their purpose in life”, I’ll point my eyes up to the ceiling or look out the window or under the chair I’m sitting on. Looking for your purpose? Where? Where would a soul’s purpose happen to be?

I hear people describe finding their soul’s purpose or locating it like it was a buried pirate treasure. Unfortunately far too many practitioners (in my experience) play into this problematic dynamic. They sell themselves as helping someone “locate” their lost purpose as if it were indeed some kind of buried treasure. Practitioners will even claim they have some special map to their client’s purpose, complete with an X to mark the spot of the (other) soul’s inherent desires. Once someone becomes the expert on locating your lost soul purpose, they can immediately sell you this fanciful dream (or is it a nightmare?).

Looking for your purpose? Where? Where would a soul’s purpose happen to be?

The central error here is that the purpose of a soul is intrinsic to the soul itself.

The purpose is not somewhere else. Consequently you do not need to go on a journey to locate your supposedly lost soul purpose. You need not look outside yourself. There’s no reason for you to adopt some formulaic three, four, five, or ten step formula to activating your soul’s growth, potential, and purpose.

There’s the old saying of “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.” In this case it would be “if it ain’t lost don’t find it.”

Your soul’s purpose is not lost. It’s inherent to the soul of you, to the soul of anything or anyone. The philosopher Aristotle described the soul as the animating principle, the essential mover of a being. In other words, that deep generative longing. That is inherent to you as an incarnate soul.

So there is no need to bring in some outside set of actions in order to “locate” your soul’s purpose. All that needs to happen is to let your soul out. What people call their purpose is really just the unfolding of their soul.

Consequently there’s no reason to abdicate your soul’s sovereignty to someone else, to some expert (self-proclaimed, valid or otherwise). All that is needed is learning to attend to the generative impulses of your soul that are always already motivating you from the depths. And then from there learning how to let them move, form, and solidify into life-giving, creative, loving action.

If you say you are looking to find your soul purpose then you will seek outwardly in vain. You will seek elsewhere than directly where you need to, namely the core animating tides of your soul. I use words like tides, urges, impulsions to describe this mysterious quality of soul because they speak to the subtle nature of the soul, to the soul’s fluidity.

Looking for your soul’s purpose is disempowering. It’s meant to be empowering but sadly it’s the exact opposite.

That’s the main reason I believe looking for your purpose is well-intentioned but nevertheless flawed. There are a few other major reasons as well, which I want to mention just briefly.

Such as, the soul is not bound by a or any purpose.

The soul doesn’t have a purpose. The soul is purposeful.

The key is to express the nature of your soul as it is. That is intrinsically meaningful, purposeful, and creative. It is so much simpler and more heartfelt than “finding your soul’s purpose.”

Peace, Chris

Chris is a long time spiritual practitioner and teacher. Raised in the Roman Catholic tradition, he has had a lifelong love affair with the Christian mystical tradition, however he is also well versed in a diverse range of lineages and teachings. He’s a strong advocate for shamanic forms of healing work and consciousness, as well as being a Reiki Master in three lineages of Reiki.

He works with with clients from a variety of backgrounds: from different religious traditions, spiritual but not religious folks, agnostics, seekers, and atheists.

He spent four years living as a monk in his twenties and later worked for three years as an Anglican priest in Vancouver.

He is a soul interpreter and an energy healer.

Chris lives in Vancouver with his beloved wife Chloe (a doula) and their daughter Sage.

Have a question for Chris? Want to check out his blog? Want to find out more? Check out his website and be sure to leave him a message below okay?

Announcing – Dear Soul Dude with Soul Interpreter, Chris Dierkes

April 24, 2016

Sooooooo this is a beginning I’m a little nutty about. Why? Because if it ain’t for my ‘soul dude’ – a lot of things wouldn’t have began for me last year while so many pillars of my life were crumbling into ruin.

You’ve heard me talk about him. You’ve watched me shout out about him, and now I’m really, like really thrilled that I can share him with you too.

The truth is he has more humility than I do. He doesn’t need a website named after him, nor a desire to have his face or voice plastered all over everything (ahem, like I do), and yet, here we are. I’m going to do my absolute best to keep his roster full of clients and his website pinging with subscribers because he’s just that good. Damn good. So damn good.

And he cares.

I’m not a fan of the ‘woo-woo’ movement, nor the ‘selling of spirituality’ craze that seems to be taking off as an answer to the soul-less world we’re building and weirdly celebrating (Oh Trump… Don’t even get me started), and so announcing to all of you that TinaOLife is bringing in a Soul-Interpreter to add to the life giving hub that we are might look like I’ve just filled our life-school hallways with Coke machines as a thirst quencher…

But I’m not.

He’s the real deal. I’d say he’s ego-less but that would make him non-human. I’d say he’s got his shit together, but that would mean he’s complete, finis, and that ain’t true either. Come on now, he’s a dad to a pre-schooler, how together can he be?
I am saying that he’s a guy who speaks the language of the soul. He has a rich spiritual and religious background (is this a good place to let you know about his 4 years as a monk?). He’s versed and practiced in multiple healing practices and he’s damn funny too. Okay, a bit dry, maybe a lot dry and beautifully articulate.

Please join me in welcoming Chris Dierkes, my ‘soul guy’, TinaOLife’s ‘soul dude‘, and now yours too. Tomorrow we’ll share his first article.

I kinda want to break into the Blues Brother’s Soul Man, but I bet he gets that all the time.

Tune in tomorrow…

Ps… Just gotta shout out to TinaO’s Tara Caffelle for putting the two of us together.

XxT

TinaO is a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub for all things worth living for, the workshop Live Your Best Story, and her coaching practice: Tall Poppy Living. She’s also a professional network marketer with a decade in the industry and with her Tall Poppy Living for Network Marketers Coaching Program, she teaches: selling isn’t slimey and marketing isn’t make-believe. You can be yourself and be successful in Direct Sales.

Dear Tina #1… What is the Story of this cancer?

March 18, 2016

It will be a year next month from when I picked up my cel phone while in Vegas during a conference to receive the news that the wacky black thing that had been growing in the back of my throat was indeed, not a tonsil crypt but instead was most definitely cancer.

Doc says: “We’re as shocked as you. While we knew there was a chance that it could be, none of us thought that this is what the biopsy would come back as. I wanted to reach you as soon as I could. I’m boarding a plane in ten minutes…”

Some doctors are called to be doctors. Clearly the level of mindfulness and care by my ears nose and throat specialist is from the ‘calling’ ilk. I wasn’t just a test result on a piece of paper. Note how I called him MY doctor. That happens when you’re handing your body over to an expert other than you.

He was going on vacation (or so I think), and wanted to catch me before he was unavailable in the air. He had left me a message the day before, but I don’t pick up voice mail that often (that’s what voice mail is for folks), so he left me a text to call him on his personal cel phone. To him, I was a mom, a wife, a writer, an artist. I have a history and a future and the sooner he could reach me the better.

To me, he is a man who cares, with a specialty in the ear nose and throat department. Thank you Dr. Smith. (No kidding, his name is Dr. Smith).

After the diagnosis came in… well, that’s a whole other post, book actually. It’s on the move through me but hasn’t arrived in full yet. For now, I want to share with you a little something that changed my life. That sounds ominous, and while cancer is totally that, what I stumbled into is not. See, a whole year before the C word arrived, I had started working with Chris Dierkes, whom I now call my ‘soul guy’ or the ‘soul dude’ of TinaOLife. He’s a soul interpreter (What the hell is that right? – no pun intended). Well, it’s difficult to explain the intangible (soul) with the tangible (words), but here it is in brief:

“Okay Tina, so think of it this way. I’m going go to the ‘soul library’ and check out your ‘book’. Then I’m going to read it and share it with you so you can fully realize it”.

Ohhhhhhh… that’s all. So, you’re taking my book out of the library? Cool. Got it. And then I’m going to get to know myself? Ohhh okay. Well, that’s how it made sense to me anyway.

See, soul work doesn’t make sense, it feels sense. For me that’s been my experience anyway.

So, what is the Dear Tina thing and how does it connect with cancer and with Chris and with soul work???

As you can imagine, post diagnosis, I was thrown into mental chaos. It was as if I was a pile of sticks: legs upon ribs, jaw upon pelvis, toes upon teeth, thoughts upon terror, blank upon nothingness, despair upon acceptance. I was sifting through the gnarly bits because within them was me, a timeless me. One who was here before my body arrived and one who would continue on once my body left. FYI… it’s not that I didn’t ‘get’ all of this before, it’s just that once I was thrust into the world of time passing without hearing a clock ticking because there is no fucking clock – well, it all just kinda fell into place because I was now out of the way. Trauma has a way of doing that. It cuts through the noise of what we call knowledge or understanding. Hmmmmm… like really? Who cares how much you think you know at times like this. It’s cliché but true, you can’t take it with you.

I couldn’t hear myself think anymore, or maybe that’s not really true. I could hear everything I thought, the issue was that everyone in my head was talking all at once. I couldn’t hear what I think… Just all what all of my experiences think. You get that right? All the voices in our head are just reactions to the various experiences we’ve had in our lifetime. I fell down the stairs once, now I have a voice that says: hold on to the railing. I’ve been heartbroken before, now I have a voice that says: go slow, trust slow if ever. I’ve been applauded before, now I have a voice that says: you rock, you got this, step out lady! See? Those are voices from my stories past, but they’re not me as in not, fully, wholly, without reaction me. Those are just my fragments talking (not soul fragments either – oh it’s so intricate isn’t it?).

So… there I was digging through bones from fragments past and I couldn’t hear the peaceful voice. You have one too. The voice that was with you when you were little and swinging your feet up to the sky all by yourself. The voice that woke you in the morning while you were still sleeping feeling the warm summer sun on your face. The voice that you hear when you were nestled deep, resting your cheek on your mama’s stretchy post baby belly. The voice you can sometimes hear as an adult if you spend enough time with yourself. That voice. That’s the one I was craving to hear.

So I started to write.

It came out without thinking.

I picked up a journal made for me by Ciel Ellis’ Thirsty Journals – (here’s the active link for the journals cause I know you’re gonna ask) and started writing.

Dear Tina…

and then just like that, with a few deep breaths and a lot of following instead of leading, I began to listen to the answers to many of my questions.

Some people call it automatic writing with the idea that the pen moves without you moving it, like a spirit coming through you – mehhhhhh… maybe. Who am I to say that it is or it isn’t? I’m not interested in holding a position on it, I just know that when I surrender to the process of letting the story tell me instead of the other way around, I can hear that loving, peaceful voice again and I’m 45 years old in the centre of crazy town and not five and blissed out on my mama’s lap.

I think of this process as more of a way to cut through the noise and really listen to what my innate wisdom (or soul) wants to say.

After the cancer diagnosis came in, I needed to write because I needed to hear. This is what this post is all about. It’s not about automatic writing and how to do it, it’s about what I heard and what I learned.

Here it is for you. I am starting a series of Dear Tina posts on TinaOLife as a way to invite you in to the world and words that speak to and through me.

Dear Tina, Dear Tina, Dear Dear Dear Tina, What is going on in my body?

(I often keep repeating myself until I feel the ‘click’ of letting go of my own thoughts – call it ego if you like).

Dear Tina, what is the story of this cancer in my body?

Why do you call it cancer Tina? It’s a name only. Breathe Tina, you may not be ready to hear this.

I am listening.

You are dying Tina. Your body is not dying. Your body is not dying. Your body is fine. Your body is holding a piece that is dying. You are dying. You as you as you have been is dying – this time this view of you is dying, this thought, this way is dying. You are dying Tina – your body is fine.

There have been years of you. There is years in the thing you call cancer. You can let it die. You can radiate it, chemo it, destroy it. You are dying, not your body. Let it die.

Let it leave your body. Let the doctors do what they must. You can let it die.

Do not fight the death of this, do not resist the death of this, this wants to die, and has been dead for a long time, the spirit of you died and has wanted to leave for a long time but you have kept holding on, kept transforming it into something else. It is time to let it die.

A new you is transcending – a new you is waiting to move in, a new you like teeth is ready to come down into place. This is death Tina and not the kind you know death to be.

Tina it is okay. Let it die. Your body is fine.

Soooooo… as you can imagine, I was a little startled. That’s the thing about surrendering to the unknown – you don’t know what’s gonna come out of you until it arrives.

My take on this, and let me tell you, the truth of this message knocked me down like the anvil of grief that it was, I got it. I had been living my ‘old, dramatic, deep, sad life’ for far too long. I had been building accomplishment after goal after success on top of a graveyard of grief, and it was costing me dearly. I was clutching and white knuckling the old dead scars of my story as my identity for so long that the powers that be decided to turn up the dial on my experience so I could wake the fuck up and decide to live.

Get it?

That’s enough for today’s Dear Tina… I just wanted to let you in. There will be more, I assure you. I jumped in today with Dear Tina for TinaOLife because I’ve been impossible to live with for the last week or so. I’m full of resentment and walking in a fog… I have had no idea why. I decided to ask myself for some more answers, but I’ll share what I discovered later. For now… consider yourself invited in.

Welcome.

p.s…. I’m feeling so much better. Clearly, all I needed was to be listened to. Thank you Dear Tina.

xxT.

TinaOLife Welcomes Tara Caffelle

January 18, 2016

Please join me in welcoming Tara Caffelle, Relationship Coach (whether staying, splitting, or having a baby), Intimacy Guru (chief instigator and founder of Nookie November), Big Life Conduit (coach and online host of Speaking of Sparkles) and now TinaOLife’s Hump Day Lady too (did I just say that?).

Oh Tara, you are such a fit and I am thrilled to announce you as one of TinaOLife’s Core Contributors covering all things relationship, in fact, you might even say that YOU are Where Relationships get Real. Well, I do say that.

Here’s our story (TinaO’s perspective):

So I met this gal by accident which means on purpose. I sat across from her at a BNI breakfast meeting and to be honest, as much as I’m a total hound for networking because I really do just love people, any kind of organized business thingy where we’re supposed to be ‘authentic’ and ‘non-pitchy’ yet the bottomline of why we are there is to get business and make our cash register ring… these events always strike me as just odd, as in not quite honest but not quite false either (spank me now for speaking it as I feel it). The thing is, I can do these kinds of events, I’m even good at them, but still, they’re kinda weird to me. ’nuff said – yet its probably the very reason why Tara made such a subtle yet significant impression on me.

Now when I go to a morning breakfast meeting, I see getting up, getting dressed, doing my hair (oh gawd really?), putting on lipstick (oh boy oh boy like reallllly?) and then leaving my house before 6am as a decision to further my education in people. As well, I see it as part of my active agreement with the universe/God/powerthatbe in order for the big magic we all allude to, to happen. One thing I know for sure is that nothing shows up for me unless I show up for it, thus the partnership. So every now and then I put my cynicism aside (yes I can be a cranky codger) and I ‘show up’ at a networking event and do my do. A few years ago, when I did that, I met Tara Caffelle.

We barely exchanged words – but who needs them when you understand the game of business networking. The words we speak at these events are usually heavily rehearsed yet planned as hopefully authentic and packaged together as a 30 second elevator pitch to let the room know what we do so they can hire us right? It’s not so much about who we are. That’s why I don’t pay too much attention to what people say at these events, but rather do how I feel when I experience them.

As I was taking the last few bites of my eggs benny, I knew that there was just something about this gal sitting across from me and a few chairs down that I wanted to get to know. So we did what you do at these things, we exchanged cards and she followed up. Perfect. Here’s what it looked like:

March 25th, 2014 – Hi Tina, It was so great to meet you at BNI this morning – what a HUGE group that was! I am a member of BNI Harbourside (we meet at the same restaurant on Wednesdays) and we’re only about 26 people, so that was a bit of a shock. It seems like we have some great overlap and could likely have a fun, connecty kind of tea. Let me know if you’d like to set that up in the next couple of weeks. In the meantime, if you think of anyone having babies or adjusting to life with a newborn, the links to my workshops and website are below. Have a great week and I will look forward to seeing you soon. Cheers, Tara

April 8th, 2014 Hi Tara! Thanks for reaching out and I’m sorry I haven’t connected sooner. I’m in the middle of a few really big shifts and I’m practicing focus… 🙂 I would LOVE to meet for cup of tea. I think I need two weeks to get myself organized. What do you think about Monday the 28th? Would that work for you? Thanks! Tina

Tara same day – yes, that would definitely work. How about 10am somewhere? What part of the city are you in?

Tina same day – sounds great. I’m across the water so can we say 10:30 instead? It’s closer to when I can be there! – so downtown, or east van is good for me! You?

April 20th 2014 – Tara Oh, dear, I completely forgot to confirm this! You are in my calendar for 10:30 on the 28th. How about we meet at the Laughing Bean on Hastings (near the PNE but I can’t remember the cross street).

April 24th 2014 – Tina Hi Tara! I just remembered that I am booked from 10am – 11am on that day. Can we do 11:30? Same place? Thx!

Same day – Tara Yup, that works. See you there.

April 27th 2014 – Tina Oh my… Sorry to do this again… Any chance you can do 3pm? My day shifted once again! I’m so sorry to make all these changes!! If not, we can always rebook for the following Monday! Whatever works. Xxt

Same day – Tara Sorry, but 3pm doesn’t work, and the only time I have is the morning on the following Monday. If we can do 10:30, I can do it.

April 28th 2014 – Tina Next Monday at 1030? If so YES! And again… My apologies… I’ve been juggling a little more than usual and stretching into new territory which means my structures shake a bit and my weakest point is scheduling… So thank you for your patience! Next Monday 1030?? Locked??

Same day – Tara locked! see you then!

Why do I share all the drivel of booking and rebooking and apologizing and rebooking again??? Seems boring right? Well, that’s life. That’s what SHOWING UP and STAYING WITH IT looks like. It’s not all fireworks and magnetic pulls to work together. It’s simply a desire to inquire first, matched by commitment and follow through.

So we met at this place, The Laughing Bean.

and from our first kinda ‘search and discovery’ conversation, I was introduced to the concept of this guy: Chris Dierkes, Soul Interpreter. It went something like this:

Tara: chatty chat chat what I do who I am what I’m interested in what has happened to me… ‘and then my soul guy’…

Me: listening listening listening watching wondering wondering… ‘what did you say?’

So much more to come about this… Chris has become my ‘soul dude’ and he as well will have a regular piece on TinaOLife called just that: Dear Soul Dude (but that’s for another announcement) – see… magic happens when we show up. Okay, back to Tara.

So fast forward a few months later and over a beer with Tara on a sunny summer patio, I met this gal, her awesome friend and colleague: Coach Michaella.

Holy crap! What the hell happened? is all I can say. No kidding – we laughed so hard on that newly hot summer patio that I suffered dearly from my first inspiration hang over. We came up with a SNL Sketch called empha’sis’ that I swear made me pee (come on, three children, cut me some slack), as I clamored to get into my truck and head home. I had no idea that having such a good time could require couch time as recovery.

The three of us met up again last January to support each other’s vision for all that 2015 would bring. Here’s a pic of them as they arrived in perfect West Coast style – yup, coffee in one hand, umbrella in the other. These kooky two women rock my world. Little did the three of us know that my year would look nothing like we had planned, yet what we came up with was exactly what I needed. I hope the same was true for them.

TinaOLife with Tara Caffelle and Coach Michaella

That year Tara launched Nookie November, 30 days of intimacy filled with silliness, sexiness and spontaneity. Holy Dinah did that ever crack me wide open. It started out as sexy re-connection gift to my husband and it became so so so much more. I’ll share more about later.

When I was diagnosed with throat cancer last spring, Tara had her own big life stuff going on at exactly the same time. We were two soul-inspired women trudging through painful muddy waters together yet completely apart. When the dust had cleared for both us, Tara asked me to be a guest on her show Speaking of Sparkles and here it is: Cancer, the wisdom of the body, getting off the rollercoaster of marriage and finally sinking into relationship.

We became hooked. p.s. I know, I know, I know, I need a new microphone because wowzers do I ever sound LOUD and fuzzy in this. Well, turn down my volume just a bit and climb into the brainwaves of Tara and Tina.

When TinaOLife showed up as the answer to my professional home, I figured out pretty quick that as much as I’m all that and a bag of chips, I AM most definitely NOT THE ANSWER to everyone’s life questions. I can’t be. So if I’m going to take on this topic called LIFE and what it feels like to be REALLY LIVING, I’d better call in the giants who ignite that very thing inside of me.

Welcome Tara. You’re a fucking rock star in my world. You make dropping the f-bomb not just explosive, but sexy, crazzzy-ass funny and tender too. How can that be? It must be you.

Watch for Tara’s weekly posts on Wednesdays as Hump Day (how appropriate), where she’ll be leading the charge on all things relationship.

xxT

Want to know about Tara Caffelle? Check her out here at TaraCaffelle.com

Truth Tuesday – Listening so as to Be

January 5, 2016

The truth is subjective right? I mean, I have one idea and I KNOW it’s true, but you do too and you KNOW it’s true as well. Okay, so if that’s the case, then which is it? Why all the fuss and fighting about it? And why are we on this incessant pursuit of knowing it? Why the pre-occupation with ‘finding our truth’?

Because we’re unaccustomed to living it.

And that’s perfectly natural.

We are born as itty bitty babies relying on those around us to be there, to take care of us, to make sense of us, to be the bubble that is our world. Our first conscious exposure to our living story is a completely EXTERNAL one. Our truth is based on what others do around us.

We see our mother’s face, feel her touch, hear her voice and that’s how we know we’re not alone. We don’t even know what alone is, we just know that we’re more than one.

We hear, smell, taste and sense our environment and that’s how we know where we are.

We are born without words, without context, without place, yet with a soul story to know and to give away, but we can’t yet because we haven’t developed the tangible tools like language to do it.

It’s as if it’s a set up! Life positions us to meet who we are through how we’re received. Now this is a beautiful opportunity to grow if our ‘truth’ is always reflected back at us which is probably why we call this life thing a magnificent journey. There’s so much to learn. But come on, it sure seems wildly inefficient though. Doesn’t it? That we should come in to the world perfect, whole and living our ‘truth’, only to spend the first 40 years of our life (usually) living on auto-pilot then waking up during a mid-life crisis, or a 20-something existential emptiness, or our 30-something drive to ‘be someone’. And then Some of us just skip it all together by playing the ‘acceptance game’ which isn’t acceptance at all, but rather resignation. Ewwwwww. I’ve seen it and so have you. I’ve even lived it a few times.

When my husband and I couldn’t stand each other for about ten years of our first fifteen together (yup no kidding), the only way I knew how to cope was to say to myself: Okay well I guess he’ll just watch TV and I’ll live in the kitchen (I’m simplifying but you probably get it). No wonder I crash and burned. Resignation ate me up and spit me out.

Here’s the thing, once I took the dangerous step of actually LISTENING for whom I’ve always been, I realized, I’d never actually left. I wasn’t lost, I just wasn’t found.

Did you know that we can’t ditch ourselves? There is no where we can run to lose ourselves either. It’s not like we get to shed our ‘truth’ on the floor as a rumpled outfit as we reach into the closet to wear someone else. We’re not a costume nor a wardrobe. We’re not inter-changeable, well, at least not on the inside.

All the self-help books, personal growth workshops, inspirational wall-art and lit up catch phrases that we devour as a way to ‘find’ our truth is the habitual way we’ve moved through world since we arrived. It makes sense right? We think: I am because you see me, I do because you know me, I say because you hear me, I love because you love me… There’s beauty in this ‘we’, in this interconnectedness. There is. I get that, but it still has nothing to do with the ‘truth’ quest we all end up on.

Today I ask you – Who are you in relation to only you? Who are you beyond what fills your mind all day? Who are you outside of where and how you live? Who are you and who have you always been?

Oh mannnnnn big questions and you’re probably feeling the desire to skip it. I mean, why ask when you can’t ever truly know. There’s no proof, no check mark, no enlightened someone to say: Yes, you’re right, that’s who you are. There’s only you and all you can do is listen for you. Listen to the story that has been telling YOU since you arrived.

A life and business coach I once worked with Isabelle Mercier Turcotte said to me in a day long session together: “That’s not your gig” and she wrote it on a yellow sticky and stuck it to one of the many massive post-it notes on the wall. For months I walked through my life with two imaginary yellow stickies: one that said THAT’S MY GIG, and another that said THAT’S NOT MY GIG and in every single interaction I would figuratively hold up my two stickies and decide which one was true: my gig, or not my gig. If you’re interested, here’s a quick video in my own words that I made for Isabelle about it.

I had a good life five years ago when I was holding up those stickies, in fact, most would’ve thought that I was at the top of my game. I was at the pinnacle of my profession, by all accounts I had a great life: two kids, a house, husband, career, passions and my health. My truth however was that a lot of that good life wasn’t actually mine, I just lived it like it was.

Today, I ask you: What’s your gig? What’s not your gig? The truth will always always always tell you, you need only listen for it.

I challenge you this week to hold up your two yellow stickies and see what answers come back.

Many thanks to Charlene Sanjenko and PowHERhouse women for the opportunity to host and moderate Truth Tuesdays. So cool.

xxT

Announcing TinaOLife’s Regular Contributors

December 9, 2015