As per yesterday’s teaser, this is TinaOLife’s very own Lady Hump leading the charge on all things relationship. We’re opening her regular weekly Where Relationships Get Real post here at TinaOLife with a question from me, TinaO and you can too – feel free to send us a thought, question, wondering, or quandary below if you have a burning ‘sex, love, intimacy and relationship’ Q as well. Okay… so on to my first question to rock out Tara’s first post…
TinaO – Tara, you know my history with Mr. Todd and that our relationship has been the greatest teacher for both of us (which means it ain’t been easy as you know). You talk about ”super couples”, what does that mean exactly? And do you think it’s possible for everyone?
Tara: The Very Official definition of a Super Couple (based on what I found in the Very Official Urban Dictionary, anyway!) is a couple who “overcomes adversity and repeatedly reunites” – think Soap Opera couples like Luke and Laura or Bo and Hope. (Ah…Remember Bo and Hope? I think I was addicted to them…)
But I digress.
I like this definition well enough, but I would add to it: Super Couples are resilient. They keep seeking and choosing, even when it’s hard and it just plain sucks and it’s the testing-the-vows part of things. The beginning is fun; anyone can do the beginning, when it’s new and the stress hormones are flowing and la-la-la-we-have-the-same-taste-in-music!
Super Couples are in. They are intuitively committed to The Relationship, and not just their own well-being. There is a focus on the other and because each of them is doing this, the relationship benefits.
Super Couples are in.
They’re relentlessly brave. They might be afraid, but they also know the best life is on the other side of the prickly stuff.
They engage in what I call Sexy Conversation. I call it this because it can (and should) resemble sex in many ways; raw, open, noisy, quiet, messy, slippery, connected, naked, open with both parties grinding to have their needs met against the other before everyone lands in a satisfied heap. Right?
They know the prickles and the mess are worth it.
Super Couples take responsibility for their words and actions. They know that the whole idea of a relationship is to set them free, so each lays down the weapons and embraces the glorious person before them as an ally.
I think Super Couple-dom is possible if you want it, but not everyone knows that’s it’s even available. I was with some family over the holidays, and when this cartoon made a huge splash, it occurred to me that not everyone sees or knows the value of all the self-actualization I am so used to.
I obviously think about this stuff all the time and it’s a part of nearly every conversation I have. However, I am fully aware that not every couple, in fact, many couples, just go through life, attending to the responsibilities of getting the kids to hockey practices and birthday parties, not even thinking about their actual connection and how it works or it doesn’t.
I think Super Couple-dom is possible if you want it, but not everyone knows that’s it’s even available.
Who wants to sit around and dissect their relationship? ICK. Most people just know when they’re not happy and that something is off, and aren’t necessarily equipped with the tools to actually do something about it. I like to give people some of these tools. I think most couples are already quite super and have a beautiful roll-with-it quality; I love observing all the things they’re doing well AND I also think that nearly every conscious couple could benefit from a tweak here and there. They take – and I think you and Mr Todd were there – managing life well enough, but there’s a more that’s there to be found if you know to look for it.
It’s like having a satisfying dinner at the White Spot and realizing there’s a section of the menu that Gordon Ramsay will prepare just for you, but you have to know to ask for it. I’m the secret weapon here; I can show you what’s available on the menu and the best way to eat it so it’s crazy delicious.
It will feel like you just had a…Sexy Conversation.
Get real like sexy real, Tara
You can check more of me out here. It’s okay, I’m good with you looking.
Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.