LYBS Archives - Page 5 of 6

The Squishy Bits of Intimacy

February 3, 2016

Q to Tara from TinaO

A naturopath I once saw said to me that the definition of intimacy is not knowing what is on the other side of this very moment, and sharing that with someone else. How do you define intimacy and why is being comfortable with it so important to our well-being?

There are so many ways to look at intimacy—that’s one of the things I really love about it. It can be as deep as the fondness and trust we feel with the people closest to us, and it can be a glimmer of “we’re in this together” among strangers who are all stuck on the same elevator.

In my world, intimacy all comes down to one word: Connection.

What I know for sure is that we are not meant to exist only on the surface. It would be like only ever talking about the weather. Forever. Right? That very thought makes me want to jab a fork into my own eye and twist it around like I’m swirling spaghetti.

Intimacy is a leap—knowing the deepest, darkest places of ourselves, and then trusting our fellow humans to hold those pieces and not hurt us with them. A client said it beautifully: “It was like he asked to see the most awful, dark and scary parts of me so that he could hold them for me and love them, and give them back in a way that didn’t hurt me as badly. No matter what I threw at him from my dark spaces, it never scared him away.”

In my world, intimacy all comes down to one word: Connection.

I cannot stress enough: when we are intimate with other human beings, it makes our life and our existence take up more space. We are here to touch and be touched and to reach new levels of knowing ourselves through others. And yes, it’s difficult sometimes, so let’s get that out on the table. It’s not always easy, but I promise it’s worth it.

I remember a few years ago I ventured up to my hometown and attended my 20th high school reunion. It was interesting in many ways. As I sat with people who no longer knew me in the day-to-day, I felt the most known I had in a long time: these were the people who watched me grow up and knew the very essence of me. There was no hiding, in the best possible way. Later in the weekend, when I had a meltdown about still being single when all the others seemed to be happy and attached and raising families, I landed at my friends’ home, where I was staying.

…knowing the deepest, darkest places of ourselves, and then trusting our fellow humans to hold those pieces and not hurt us with them.

My best friend of more than 20+ years was actually out of town at a funeral, and her husband was holding down the fort and caring for the four kids. And me, apparently. I have known him just as long as his lovely wife, and he greeted me with a hug and said all the right things. He then invited me to lie on the trampoline, in the dark, to look at the stars. He brought out the iPad, and we identified all the constellations, and it struck me: without it being at all about sex, it was perhaps one of the most intimate moments of my life. I cracked open, he held my broken bits, and squeezed them back together as we looked at the sky, side-by-side in the dark.

And this is what I want people to know and for our kids to grow up watching: intimacy and connection. Seeing people around us, and having what they say matter deeply to us.

When kids see and know the adults in their lives more intimately, including the failings and joys, they are given permission to enjoy a similar connection as they grow with everyone around them. We get to change how the world works, starting with our children. If that isn’t exciting, I don’t know what is.

Intimate connection can be uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be too hard to even start. The first step is to be curious and interested. I invite you to try it tonight. Instead of asking your partner or the kids “How was your day?” (to which they will probably reply, “good”), pose a different sort of question:

What was your favourite part of today?

How did you know that I love you today?

How can this day end end in the best possible way?

Yes, it will feel weird at the beginning, but try. And if you get an “I dunno” in response, do what I do with clients and tell them to make something up and then see where it goes.

And I would invite you to branch out and try this with other people in your life, too. Get curious and interested about people who interact with you each day; challenge yourself to relate on a slightly more intimate level with one person at a time and pretty soon you too, will be bored by surface talk about the weather, and crave to know more.

Get Real, like sexy real, Tara

Tara Caffelle is a Relationship and Communication coach. She is passionate about creating connected, almost-uncomfortable-to-watch relationships that are based in Sexy Communication and Big Lives worth rolling around in.

Tara is based in the Lower Mainland of Vancouver and offers custom-designed coaching programs. To claim your free 90+ minutes and see what might be possible for your own super coupledom (or persondom), find a time here.

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

The Daily Shutdown

January 29, 2016

Sometimes the things we kick and scream to avoid are the very things we should’ve done a long time ago.

Let’s talk about solopreneurs shall we? I’m a mompreneur, a writer, a network marketer, the founder of this very site and the Live Your Best Story Retreat. I’m a busy gal. I’ve designed my life that way. I have kids, a house to tend to, a dog to walk, a body to take care of (ummm my body), a business to run and all the admin that goes with simply being a living breathing person in today’s societal ‘agreements’ box. I likely have the same long list of responsibilities that you do. I’m not busier than you, and I am also not complaining nor making my case to be worthy of you liking me more or making a plea with the hopes that you’ll repost this for all the other mompreneurs out there. This isn’t strategic blogging for reblogging purposes. This is a personal aha of mine that I still want to pretend isn’t true.

I’m done at 3pm. Like done. Over and out done. I start making withdraws from my bank of ‘fake it till you make it’ after 2:59pm. I’ve turned the dial from left brain to right brain to no brain left at all. You’ll know I’m there when this writer’s sentences are strangely missing vowels.

Can you grab me the…. ummm… you know that thing… the finger and thumb moving thing that cuts that stuff… (I mime the action so they get it). The kids stare at me: ” you mean the scissors mom?” – Yes of course I mean the scissors. What are you looking at? Go get them for me!

Why? Well, okay, so sometimes I’m up at 4:30am as a hockey mom (twice/week this season) but mostly I’m daily shaking my tail at 5:30am: wake-up, lunch up, drive, kiss and drop the Mister off.

“Have a good day and drive safe”.

Then on to the next crew to move on up and out: wake-up, toast-up, dress-up, pack-up, (sometimes scrap-up), then kiss-up and send off.

Have an awesome day you guys. See you at three.

The morning moves me on to the daily dos: you know, the list that when you don’t do it, becomes twice the list the following day and not only that, if you skip it you’ll just agonize your procrastinating hours away about the very thing you’re procrastinating.

Wicked wicked cycle – one that I personally try to avoid.

Start the laundry, straighten the shoes, figure out dinner, wipe up the morning mess, check the calendar, phone, facebook, make the food and supplies list for the daily afternoon dash to the store, check for forms, wipe down the damn boy toilet… again (grrrrrr…. one day right? one day they’ll do it?), figure out where the dog walk or personal run fits, shower and then…

Get down to business: turn the laptop on, crack open the to do list, the follow-throughs, and the must accomplish. My business thought processing doesn’t even start until 10am and that’s 4 1/2 to 5 1/2 hours post my feet first hitting the morning floor. It’s a half day of ‘work’ already before I’ve even begun.

It took me awhile to connect the dots about the 3pm shut down thing. Of course I had to get nailed with cancer before I could be honest about it.

I still tell myself that shutting down at 3pm is too early.

That I’m not working hard enough.

That I could do more.

That I need to do more.

That my business requires me to do more.

That “if it’s meant to be, it’s up to me”

That “success occurs when my dreams are bigger than my excuses”

That “if it’s important, I’ll find a way”

Yeah well, tell that to the me who dipped one too many times into her bank of reserves and came out on the other side overdrawn.

I had to get nailed with cancer before I could be honest about it.

Last year I received a cancer diagnosis and everything changed. I was in this group therapy session thingy for people in treatment and I heard this woman beside me who was a therapist herself with three decades of serving others behind her, an uuber woman, mom, professional, wife and more say: “Yeah, I practice being lazy now. It’s not easy for me, but I do it.”

It’s too bad we have to call self-care lazy.

There’s just something wrong with that.

“Yeah, I practice being lazy now. It’s not easy for me, but I do it.”

My shut off time is 3pm. That’s when I decide to just be me: Tina, mom, wife, friend, me. It feels kind of like floating, like I’m drifting around on the current of life. I’m laying on my back, face up to the sun, belly exposed, sun glasses on, just laying there, trusting that this massive ocean is totally strong enough to hold me, and guess what? Willingly, it does.

3pm is a good time to shut down for the day. Done done and done. FLOAT time. How about you?

xxT

TinaO is a writer, speaker, network marketer and the founder of Live Your Best Story. Want to know more or work with her? Click here.

Connect to the Power of Your Story

January 27, 2016

When you were a kid did you have a lock and key, gold leaf five year journal? Kind of palm size, perfect for someone under twelve? Did you write KEEP OUT all over it? Did it have a button latch with a key hole across the front? Did you write threatening things inside so that just in case someone dared to crack open your precious life story book that would know the depths of your seriousness? There would be dire consequences to pay.

Did you have one?

Did you know that journaling has been linked to healing?

How the act of writing about stressful things not only makes things better but can prevent them from getting worse?

Did you know about mental health and the power of creative journaling?

Catch a glimpse of Nicolle Nattrass, Live Your Best Story’s – Story Coach and counselor, she knows of what she speaks.

xxT

Want to Live Your Best Story too? You can work with Nicolle by registering for our upcoming retreat here.

Don’t Die Living Someone Else’s Story

January 26, 2016

I was insanely nervous. No kidding. I had decided to show up and speak from the stage fully alive and semi-prepared. Well, not true, I was fully prepared and by choice, only semi rehearsed.

I had an idea of what the beginning would be and I had a thought about how how the story would end, after all, I was connecting the dots between various moments in my own life plus, I understand the structure of a great ending: it has to be surprising but inevitable (thank you Roger Larry for your film-making tip that stuck).

Surprising but inevitable…

Well, how just like life that is isn’t it? It always makes sense when you track it back from the end. That’s easy. Ha ha… but did you know that everything makes sense as it unfolds too – only that’s the hard part because it requires trusting the process.

Watch this clip about how I came to trust my own living story as I shared a powHERtalk with an audience.

If only I had remembered to breathe at the beginning, perhaps my voice wouldn’t have dropped quite so far. Ah well, if that had happened, sure I would’ve ”sounded” better, but that’s not how this piece wanted to live.

Hello again Hello…

Why die living someone else’s story? How about living yours instead. Click here for our upcoming workshop.

xxT

Tina Overbury is the founder of the Live Your Best Story weekend Retreat and facilitates the Living Story portion of the weekend.

Walking the Long Road of Red Tape

January 21, 2016

musac playing…

I have a problem with red tape.

I think I’m above it.

I’m on the phone. Waiting. wa wa wa w a i t i n g. A small wave of impatience is building. Tone Loc’s Funky Cold Medina is playing in my ear. What the hell is that doing being played on the ‘hold’ button of the hospital’s billing department. Is that song even old enough to be musac? Maybe it is.

“So, I gave some to my dog when he began to beg
Then he licked his bowl and he looked at me
And did the wild thing on my leg

I’m a little entitled. White chick, artist, living by the water, mom to three boys, hockey boys at that – the gear stinks, like S T I N K S, wife to a tall drink of water – surely being and STAYING MARRIED is like enough right? I make cookies, but only the ones my kids will eat. Nobody eats peanut butter cookies so guess what? Now I don’t either. I mop the floor, make the beds, write, try to be innovative, raw, authentic blah blah blah… just frickin care, sometimes just FRICKIN CARING feels like that’s gotta be enough too you know? I wash my face, stave off aging, use my eye cream, read ingredients, cut down on sugar, fucking survive, thrive find a voice through the insanity of cancer, BARF, rinse repeat. I sign up to do a triathlon, make friends with old friends and gal pals I said dumb things to, read up on leadership – so many bloody books on leadership, when do I ever get to say with a CLEAR HEART that I AM A LEADER? I stay current on the news – be mindful of my crush on Peter Mansbridge, collect the dust bunnies, get gas, sign permission slips, REMEMBER to sign permission slips, feel GUILTY because I fucking forgot the god damn stupid pink, no green, no blue, no BAHHHHHH what the hell colour was the permission slip this time? Oh right… it didn’t have a colour, it was online… oh… I didn’t check my email. I check my email, grocery shop with just the right list so I don’t spend too much, plan organic, buy bulk to save, think… think… think… let go of anxiety, get my ass to yoga, well, I say I’m going to do that, okay, so I say I’m going to get my ass to yoga, go to choir but not when I have a cold (like last night), feed my business, work my business, nurture by business… drink kombucha….

surely I don’t have to deal with the stupidity of RED TAPE too? Surely I don’t have to SIT ON HOLD to deal with this STUPID BILLING THING!

S U R E L Y ? ? ? ?

I’m entitled. I have a problem.

I’m on the phone with MSP (Medical Services Plan) to find out why my son who was born in 2009 did not have coverage in 2014 for a procedure done at the hospital just a year or so back, yet he received his shots in 2010 (no charge), went to emerg. for something dumb in 2011 (again, no charge), saw the doctor in 2014 (no charge), but only two months later he HAD NO COVERAGE? And now I have a $2200 bill that is going to collections? Are you kidding me? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED????

Hello Mary speaking…

Hi Mary so this is what happened…

yahta yahta detail detail story story boring boring what are you going to do about it? – Don’t say that you’ll start a war and you’ll never get what you want – be prepared she is going to stonewall you – just say with it smile – and be nice – she can’t see you but if you smile then your voice sounds friendly.

What do I do Mary?

Hold on she says.

K.

There you are it’s all done.

What?

I just backdated him to his date of birth. It’ll take 24 hours but…

That was it. Done. All I had to do was call. No redtape. No waiting. No fighting. No nothing. I just had to call.

I’m entitled.

I have a problem. Clearly.

TinaO, chill man, we’re all on this planet together. We get free stuff. We pay for stuff. We get crap mixed up this side of Wednesday. We fix it. You ain’t special, you’re human.

Oh yeah. I forgot.

Ya know what I’m sayin’

That Medina’s a monster, y’all

xxT

GRIT. Got some?

January 21, 2016

I didn’t know that my kids would be like other people’s kids. My eldest two are in or approaching their teen years and motherfudrucker are they ever doing what teens do. It’s a nasty stage to parent through yet such an important one for them because this is where they either grow grit or not, and then they suffer the consequences of not knowing how to pick themselves up out of the mud later in life.

And as we know, there’s a lot of mud to come.

Here’s a snippet of what happened in my family this morning. I wrote it for my ‘downline’ (network marketing jargon for team) because I recognized how insanely similar this is to the lessons we’re called on to learn in our business. I hope it speaks to you as it seems to have spoken to my team.

Very interesting experience with my teenage son this morning. It made me think of our business and what it takes to design, get, and live a life we love. Here’s what happened:

We have a rule in our house, ‘as soon as it gets too hard to get up for hockey, hockey goes away’ – and right off the hop, since the boys were 7/8yrs old, they’ve been able to get up, sometimes as early as 4:30am to get on a 5:30am boat for a 6am practice. No kidding. Cold, tired and hungry… Yet off they would go.

So flash ahead 6 years and my eldest is now 14yrs and is in high school. He is often home later after his games, like 10pm and then the next morning he’s up for school at 6:30am to catch the bus at 7:05am. This morning (and multiple others this year) he had refused to get up saying ‘I’m too tired’. He’s 6’2 and 180lbs with his own mind, his own convictions, and his own chutzpah. I don’t believe in ‘making kids do anything’ anyway (unless the issue is human decency), but the truth is, I couldn’t make him get up now even if I tried.

Soooooo… I realized, this kid CAN get up, he does it all the time. He has a TRACK RECORD of doing what is challenging, he’s simply choosing not too because he doesn’t WANT TO. The REWARD or the REASON isn’t compelling enough. So… Given all of our ‘What’s your WHY?’ training, I decided to up the ante on his ‘why’. On my 5th attempt to get him out of bed, I said, ‘Mister, this has to stop. Here’s the deal, for every morning that you are like this, you lose a practice. You have two minutes to get up or there’s no hockey tomorrow.’

He didn’t get up.

What the Truck?

I go back in and do the thing I would NEVER DO in a coaching conversation. I implore with him: ‘Why would you do that? Why would you choose being tired over playing hockey? It’s worth so much to you. Why would you choose to be right about how stupid it is to go to school when what you’ve worked so hard for over the last six years hangs in the balance? Why would you do that??? Help me to understand because I don’t LOVE hockey, I love you.

He says to me: because I’m tired.

Classic.

In our business, the response is different but the same, it sounds like this: ‘Because it doesn’t seem to work for me’

Also Classic.

His dad has now been texted in because he’s on his way to work already (now 6:55am). He sends this: No school, no Maple Ridge on Friday (Game).

I walk back in to his room (which I often do in our our biz too… I walk back in) and tell him the news. – An exasperated GROAN comes from under the covers as he knows he really has no choice now. Well he does have a choice, just not one he’s willing to make. He’s backed into a corner because IT JUST GOT REAL.

The phone rings. It’s his dad. I hand him the phone.

‘I don’t want to talk to dad, he’s just going to yell at me’.

I say: ‘Listen dude… You made this bed, you don’t get to opt out of respecting your father. You don’t have to like what he has to say, or even agree with it, but you do have to listen.’

I leave the room.
He listens, hangs up, gets up and in 9 minutes gets himself dressed, packed and fed and out the door.

No he’s not talking to me.
No he’s not happy.
Yes he is honouring his CONVICTION to play hockey by doing what is least pleasant to him.

Here’s what I see, some of us are pleasers, others avoiders, some are team players, others loners, we do what we do for personal reasons and we choose to get back into the ring to go another round FOR WHAT MATTERS TO US, but only and I mean only WHEN IT GETS REAL and unfortunately, as is the way with the human experience, the magic only happens when our backs are against the wall. Oh boy.

Sooooo back to business… What we have is the brass ring. There is NOTHING and I mean NOTHING else out there like this that MOST PEOPLE can do to get the kind of return that comes with this biz model.

High pay for low time
High freedom for low responsibility
High friendship, lifetime friendships, deep meaningful walk through fire kinds of friendships without having to give up who you are.
A life first job without having to give your own life up in the process.

No education needed
Low investment needed

So when it feels hard for you to ‘do the do’, ask yourself, ‘what would have to happen before I was willing to REALLY do it? When would I cross the line into true LIFE LEADERSHIP and be willing to be the last person standing to make this business a success?

Unless of course you don’t really want what you said you came for… But I doubt it.

I said to Todd when it all blew over, this lesson were in with our son right now has NOTHING to do with HOCKEY, and everything to do with building the GRIT it takes to DO THE DO in order to LIVE YOUR LIFE on YOUR TERMS and not the terms of others.

Sometimes you have to get in to the ring with yourself in order to win.

Thinking of you.
Thinking of your grit.
Seeing your magnitude.
And holding you accountable to your WHY.

And the same with me.
Me too.
I’m just like you.

Some days I’d rather just say I’m too tired. But where will that get me?

It’s okay to be tired when you are. It’s not ok to be tired when there’s still life and will and Fire and a want inside of you. Some days you just gotta dig a little deeper.

Xxxt

So, I ask you. Do you have grit? Are you willing to be the last one standing to have what really matters to you? What is it going to take?

xxT

Are you a SUPER COUPLE? Bring on HUMP DAY with Tara Caffelle

January 20, 2016

As per yesterday’s teaser, this is TinaOLife’s very own Lady Hump leading the charge on all things relationship. We’re opening her regular weekly Where Relationships Get Real post here at TinaOLife with a question from me, TinaO and you can too – feel free to send us a thought, question, wondering, or quandary below if you have a burning ‘sex, love, intimacy and relationship’ Q as well. Okay… so on to my first question to rock out Tara’s first post…

TinaO – Tara, you know my history with Mr. Todd and that our relationship has been the greatest teacher for both of us (which means it ain’t been easy as you know). You talk about ”super couples”, what does that mean exactly? And do you think it’s possible for everyone?

Tara: The Very Official definition of a Super Couple (based on what I found in the Very Official Urban Dictionary, anyway!) is a couple who “overcomes adversity and repeatedly reunites” – think Soap Opera couples like Luke and Laura or Bo and Hope. (Ah…Remember Bo and Hope? I think I was addicted to them…)

But I digress.

I like this definition well enough, but I would add to it: Super Couples are resilient. They keep seeking and choosing, even when it’s hard and it just plain sucks and it’s the testing-the-vows part of things. The beginning is fun; anyone can do the beginning, when it’s new and the stress hormones are flowing and la-la-la-we-have-the-same-taste-in-music!

Super Couples are in. They are intuitively committed to The Relationship, and not just their own well-being. There is a focus on the other and because each of them is doing this, the relationship benefits.

Super Couples are in.

They’re relentlessly brave. They might be afraid, but they also know the best life is on the other side of the prickly stuff.

They engage in what I call Sexy Conversation. I call it this because it can (and should) resemble sex in many ways; raw, open, noisy, quiet, messy, slippery, connected, naked, open with both parties grinding to have their needs met against the other before everyone lands in a satisfied heap. Right?

They know the prickles and the mess are worth it.

Super Couples take responsibility for their words and actions. They know that the whole idea of a relationship is to set them free, so each lays down the weapons and embraces the glorious person before them as an ally.

I think Super Couple-dom is possible if you want it, but not everyone knows that’s it’s even available. I was with some family over the holidays, and when this cartoon made a huge splash, it occurred to me that not everyone sees or knows the value of all the self-actualization I am so used to.

I obviously think about this stuff all the time and it’s a part of nearly every conversation I have. However, I am fully aware that not every couple, in fact, many couples, just go through life, attending to the responsibilities of getting the kids to hockey practices and birthday parties, not even thinking about their actual connection and how it works or it doesn’t.

I think Super Couple-dom is possible if you want it, but not everyone knows that’s it’s even available.

Who wants to sit around and dissect their relationship? ICK. Most people just know when they’re not happy and that something is off, and aren’t necessarily equipped with the tools to actually do something about it. I like to give people some of these tools. I think most couples are already quite super and have a beautiful roll-with-it quality; I love observing all the things they’re doing well AND I also think that nearly every conscious couple could benefit from a tweak here and there. They take – and I think you and Mr Todd were there – managing life well enough, but there’s a more that’s there to be found if you know to look for it.

It’s like having a satisfying dinner at the White Spot and realizing there’s a section of the menu that Gordon Ramsay will prepare just for you, but you have to know to ask for it. I’m the secret weapon here; I can show you what’s available on the menu and the best way to eat it so it’s crazy delicious.

It will feel like you just had a…Sexy Conversation.

Get real like sexy real, Tara

You can check more of me out here. It’s okay, I’m good with you looking.

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

Hump Day Teaser… Tara Caffelle

January 19, 2016

Tomorrow Tara Caffelle brings on the hump.

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’m a get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps …check it out.

-Black Eyed Peas

Did I just post that? Oh boy. Can you tell I’m kind of a prude? Well, maybe prude is too strong. I’m just kinda, sorta, unsure? I think. Maybe? I think my appropriate gene is loud and strong inside of me. Can one be publicly private, but privately not so much? Hmmmm… that’s me I think. Is that you too?

Of course when I hear those hump lyrics I don’t think about The Peas or the song. I think about Will Farrell in Blades of Glory. Remember this?

And THAT is why I invited Tara to TinaOLife. She takes the preciousness out of sex and intimacy. She takes the public insanity about it all and reminds us that relationships are personal, they’re ours, and oh so beautiful. Tara transforms what is private and personal into understanding, claiming and enjoying all that intimate and that’s worth sharing. What do you way we go public with that.

Tara and I decided to launch Hump Day with Tara starting with a few questions from me. Since most of you are here checking out TinaOLife at this point because you know me, or you know someone who knows me… I’m likely not even six degrees from you but more like 1 or 2 right? – so let’s keep it real. Let’s start with the things that I want to know.

Here’s a sneak peek at tomorrow’s question to TinaOLife’s Hump Day Lady from me:

Tara, you know my history with Mr. Todd and that our relationship has been the greatest teacher for both of us (which means it ain’t been easy as you know). You talk about ”super couples”, what does that mean exactly? And do you think it’s possible for everyone?

Tune in tomorrow for Tara’s awesome answer. Are you part of a Super Couple? Wanna be one?

xxT

Oh yeah… and when you want to know more about Tara, go here.

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

TinaOLife Welcomes Tara Caffelle

January 18, 2016

Please join me in welcoming Tara Caffelle, Relationship Coach (whether staying, splitting, or having a baby), Intimacy Guru (chief instigator and founder of Nookie November), Big Life Conduit (coach and online host of Speaking of Sparkles) and now TinaOLife’s Hump Day Lady too (did I just say that?).

Oh Tara, you are such a fit and I am thrilled to announce you as one of TinaOLife’s Core Contributors covering all things relationship, in fact, you might even say that YOU are Where Relationships get Real. Well, I do say that.

Here’s our story (TinaO’s perspective):

So I met this gal by accident which means on purpose. I sat across from her at a BNI breakfast meeting and to be honest, as much as I’m a total hound for networking because I really do just love people, any kind of organized business thingy where we’re supposed to be ‘authentic’ and ‘non-pitchy’ yet the bottomline of why we are there is to get business and make our cash register ring… these events always strike me as just odd, as in not quite honest but not quite false either (spank me now for speaking it as I feel it). The thing is, I can do these kinds of events, I’m even good at them, but still, they’re kinda weird to me. ’nuff said – yet its probably the very reason why Tara made such a subtle yet significant impression on me.

Now when I go to a morning breakfast meeting, I see getting up, getting dressed, doing my hair (oh gawd really?), putting on lipstick (oh boy oh boy like reallllly?) and then leaving my house before 6am as a decision to further my education in people. As well, I see it as part of my active agreement with the universe/God/powerthatbe in order for the big magic we all allude to, to happen. One thing I know for sure is that nothing shows up for me unless I show up for it, thus the partnership. So every now and then I put my cynicism aside (yes I can be a cranky codger) and I ‘show up’ at a networking event and do my do. A few years ago, when I did that, I met Tara Caffelle.

We barely exchanged words – but who needs them when you understand the game of business networking. The words we speak at these events are usually heavily rehearsed yet planned as hopefully authentic and packaged together as a 30 second elevator pitch to let the room know what we do so they can hire us right? It’s not so much about who we are. That’s why I don’t pay too much attention to what people say at these events, but rather do how I feel when I experience them.

As I was taking the last few bites of my eggs benny, I knew that there was just something about this gal sitting across from me and a few chairs down that I wanted to get to know. So we did what you do at these things, we exchanged cards and she followed up. Perfect. Here’s what it looked like:

March 25th, 2014 – Hi Tina, It was so great to meet you at BNI this morning – what a HUGE group that was! I am a member of BNI Harbourside (we meet at the same restaurant on Wednesdays) and we’re only about 26 people, so that was a bit of a shock. It seems like we have some great overlap and could likely have a fun, connecty kind of tea. Let me know if you’d like to set that up in the next couple of weeks. In the meantime, if you think of anyone having babies or adjusting to life with a newborn, the links to my workshops and website are below. Have a great week and I will look forward to seeing you soon. Cheers, Tara

April 8th, 2014 Hi Tara! Thanks for reaching out and I’m sorry I haven’t connected sooner. I’m in the middle of a few really big shifts and I’m practicing focus… 🙂 I would LOVE to meet for cup of tea. I think I need two weeks to get myself organized. What do you think about Monday the 28th? Would that work for you? Thanks! Tina

Tara same day – yes, that would definitely work. How about 10am somewhere? What part of the city are you in?

Tina same day – sounds great. I’m across the water so can we say 10:30 instead? It’s closer to when I can be there! – so downtown, or east van is good for me! You?

April 20th 2014 – Tara Oh, dear, I completely forgot to confirm this! You are in my calendar for 10:30 on the 28th. How about we meet at the Laughing Bean on Hastings (near the PNE but I can’t remember the cross street).

April 24th 2014 – Tina Hi Tara! I just remembered that I am booked from 10am – 11am on that day. Can we do 11:30? Same place? Thx!

Same day – Tara Yup, that works. See you there.

April 27th 2014 – Tina Oh my… Sorry to do this again… Any chance you can do 3pm? My day shifted once again! I’m so sorry to make all these changes!! If not, we can always rebook for the following Monday! Whatever works. Xxt

Same day – Tara Sorry, but 3pm doesn’t work, and the only time I have is the morning on the following Monday. If we can do 10:30, I can do it.

April 28th 2014 – Tina Next Monday at 1030? If so YES! And again… My apologies… I’ve been juggling a little more than usual and stretching into new territory which means my structures shake a bit and my weakest point is scheduling… So thank you for your patience! Next Monday 1030?? Locked??

Same day – Tara locked! see you then!

Why do I share all the drivel of booking and rebooking and apologizing and rebooking again??? Seems boring right? Well, that’s life. That’s what SHOWING UP and STAYING WITH IT looks like. It’s not all fireworks and magnetic pulls to work together. It’s simply a desire to inquire first, matched by commitment and follow through.

So we met at this place, The Laughing Bean.

and from our first kinda ‘search and discovery’ conversation, I was introduced to the concept of this guy: Chris Dierkes, Soul Interpreter. It went something like this:

Tara: chatty chat chat what I do who I am what I’m interested in what has happened to me… ‘and then my soul guy’…

Me: listening listening listening watching wondering wondering… ‘what did you say?’

So much more to come about this… Chris has become my ‘soul dude’ and he as well will have a regular piece on TinaOLife called just that: Dear Soul Dude (but that’s for another announcement) – see… magic happens when we show up. Okay, back to Tara.

So fast forward a few months later and over a beer with Tara on a sunny summer patio, I met this gal, her awesome friend and colleague: Coach Michaella.

Holy crap! What the hell happened? is all I can say. No kidding – we laughed so hard on that newly hot summer patio that I suffered dearly from my first inspiration hang over. We came up with a SNL Sketch called empha’sis’ that I swear made me pee (come on, three children, cut me some slack), as I clamored to get into my truck and head home. I had no idea that having such a good time could require couch time as recovery.

The three of us met up again last January to support each other’s vision for all that 2015 would bring. Here’s a pic of them as they arrived in perfect West Coast style – yup, coffee in one hand, umbrella in the other. These kooky two women rock my world. Little did the three of us know that my year would look nothing like we had planned, yet what we came up with was exactly what I needed. I hope the same was true for them.

TinaOLife with Tara Caffelle and Coach Michaella

That year Tara launched Nookie November, 30 days of intimacy filled with silliness, sexiness and spontaneity. Holy Dinah did that ever crack me wide open. It started out as sexy re-connection gift to my husband and it became so so so much more. I’ll share more about later.

When I was diagnosed with throat cancer last spring, Tara had her own big life stuff going on at exactly the same time. We were two soul-inspired women trudging through painful muddy waters together yet completely apart. When the dust had cleared for both us, Tara asked me to be a guest on her show Speaking of Sparkles and here it is: Cancer, the wisdom of the body, getting off the rollercoaster of marriage and finally sinking into relationship.

We became hooked. p.s. I know, I know, I know, I need a new microphone because wowzers do I ever sound LOUD and fuzzy in this. Well, turn down my volume just a bit and climb into the brainwaves of Tara and Tina.

When TinaOLife showed up as the answer to my professional home, I figured out pretty quick that as much as I’m all that and a bag of chips, I AM most definitely NOT THE ANSWER to everyone’s life questions. I can’t be. So if I’m going to take on this topic called LIFE and what it feels like to be REALLY LIVING, I’d better call in the giants who ignite that very thing inside of me.

Welcome Tara. You’re a fucking rock star in my world. You make dropping the f-bomb not just explosive, but sexy, crazzzy-ass funny and tender too. How can that be? It must be you.

Watch for Tara’s weekly posts on Wednesdays as Hump Day (how appropriate), where she’ll be leading the charge on all things relationship.

xxT

Want to know about Tara Caffelle? Check her out here at TaraCaffelle.com

Even my Resistance Resists

January 15, 2016

This is not a deep post. It’s brief and to the point.

Do you ever resist yourself?

Imagine making a soulful decision. Drawing an honest line in the sand. Answering a quest whole-heartedly. Doing the 100% thing and really stating what your mission is. Putting some guts into it. Knowing what you know and saying it like you know it. Setting your course. Being totally ready to rock it.

All you have to do is show up.

But you don’t.

Has that ever happened to you?

Me too.

Sometimes even my resistance resists.

Oh well, at least there is another undecided moment after this one. What will you and I do now?

xxT