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Identifying Your Core Story – an Excerpt – BLOG

December 29, 2016

Here’s an excerpt from the first draft of Chapter One of You Matter – Identifying your Core Story that will be complete by December 31st. Follow along if it speaks to you. Big love to Meribeth Deen for being my Story Doula through this process. She said to me once a few months ago: ‘I can see that my challenge with you is going to be when and how to reign you in to a specific focus.’ She was right. But as is true with all my core story work, the focus found me and all I had to do was follow the thread.

Here is an excerpt for you:

I begin every Core Story client with a complimentary inquiry call and while this may shift as my work carries on, here’s why I do it this way: I am creating the best place I know how to let the story tell us and not the other way around. It follows the same belief that we can never run faster than our story and by making the call free, both you and I can step into the ring of ‘what have I got to lose?’ and that’s where permission begins. It’s not a flippant, what have I got to lose? although it can start out that way, usually and very quickly with that kind of freedom between us, I can establish a sense of ‘it’s just you and me here’ so that the story that wants to be known by you can feel safe enough to emerge.

Is my time valuable? Yes, no more than yours. Is my experience worthy of payment, yes, no more than yours. Do I deserve to be paid for my work? Yes, and at this stage of our relationship, only if it’s of value to you. If we decide to move forward together we’re going to be doing some intimate work so we need to choose each other. I like to think of it like dating. Imagine if we charged for that. What would that do to our connectivity? What I’m saying is, we have to authentically decide for it to be real. We don’t kiss the guy or girl at the end of the first date simply because we’re supposed to, or because it’s deserved, we kiss them because we want to, because the desire to be together emerges out of us.

One of my favourite moments with my now husband happened at the end of our second date. We had gone to the movies or something (I totally don’t remember the details), and we both knew that the next day he was going on tour and wouldn’t be back for a week. He walked me up to my door and I let him inside. We had an awkward hug and a peck on the cheek followed by stilted small talk about when he’d be back and how he’d call me when he returned and then I let him out and closed the door. I took a few confused steps down my hallway towards the living room when I heard a gentle knock, and I smiled. I didn’t even have a thought yet, but I somehow knew this was honest. This felt true. I curiously walked back, turned the deadbolt and opened the door. He looked at me, hesitating briefly and trembling just a little and said “If I went on tour without kissing you, and I mean really kissing you I’d have to kick my own ass.” With that he planted one on me and left. His desire to kiss me emerged out of him. It behooved him not to leave without a real, risky, whole-hearted kiss. He could not run faster than the story of that kiss. As for me, I felt confused when he left the first time because I didn’t get it, but I didn’t know what the it was that I didn’t get yet. It wasn’t logical. It wasn’t formulaic. It just didn’t feel right, him leaving like that. It wasn’t until he knocked the second time that I kind of understood, and then when he kissed me, I fell, and hard. That was the moment of our connection. Neither one of us needed to take charge of the end of the date, we simply had to follow the thread of the story and then show up and live it out fully.

And that’s why I don’t charge for my inquiry call, I am creating space for what is real to emerge so that the truth can happen without our own alpha-agendas of how things should be or my own story of self-worth getting in the way.

Don’t worry, I won’t be kissing you, but I may knock twice.

By December 31st 2016 the first draft of this book will be done. If you’d like a complimentary digital copy of TinaO’s Identifying your Core Story, pop your name in here and we’ll be sure to send it to you once it’s complete early 2017.

As well, if you are a Canadian woman with a story to tell and would like to be considered for PUBLISH, a book writing program launching in mid January 2017 through powHERhouse Media Group, you may want to consider becoming a Woman we Celebrate so TinaO and Meribeth Deen can support you to get your book written this year.

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TinaO is a Core Story Specialist, a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub for all things worth living for, and the workshop Live Your Best Story. She’s also a professional network marketer with a decade in the industry and she teaches: selling isn’t slimey and marketing isn’t make-believe. You can be yourself and be successful in Direct Sales.

Identifying your Core Story – BLOG

December 29, 2016

By December 31st the first draft of You Matter – Identifying your Core Story will be complete. You can follow along as I share some sneak peeks with you until then. Big thanks to Meribeth Deen for being my Story Doula as I give birth to this word-baby. Did I just say that? Word-baby. Oh boy. I said it again.

We live our life unconsciously as stories with excited beginnings, doubtful mid-way points and then panicked or impending endings. We feel the timing of stories. We are captivated by the unknown because we expect an inevitable resolution. We control our lives to avoid the terror of unnecessary surprises. We get story and because the construct of beginning, middle, end is so ingrained into us, we woe-fully take on the dangerous pretense of being able to write our own story, as if we ultimately can. I’m here to tell you that while that’s possible, yes you can pick up the pen and write your own story, set your own course, and create the life you’ve dreamed of (as the inspirational wall art we buy never stops reminding us), this one-sided alpha position approach to living, while it may bring you short-term confidence, perceived control and seemingly peaceful order, it comes at a high price and that usually means your life, figuratively and sometimes even literally.

Yes you know where you’re going

Yes you may have the means to get there

Yes you may even have full confidence that you can ‘make it happen’

Until one day, you don’t, or unspeakably you can’t, or you simply won’t, and you don’t know why. It’s as if you can’t quite put your finger on it, you just know you can’t do this, whatever this is, anymore.

As well, if you are a Canadian woman with a story to tell and would like to be considered for PUBLISH, a book writing program through powHERhouse Media Group, you may want to consider becoming a Woman we Celebrate so TinaO and Meribeth Deen can support you to get your book written this year.

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After Trump – TinaO’s Kind of Love – BLOG

November 10, 2016

Today, two days after the election where Trump reigns, I find myself watching the news looking for something, anything. Ridiculous of me really… it’s still shock, not surprise, but shock. The bully won, the media blew it, the oppressed got angry and reacted, the comfortable went further into the bubble, the armchair warriors lathered up their pontificating and the positive thinkers stepped up their affirmations – the deal is, the bully still won. All of our making sense of it is how we cope with what hurts. And this hurts. Our ship of humanity just took a shot across the bow.

We’ve been called to action.

I suggest a different way to love today and it starts with being bravely and gravely honest.

Drop the spin.

It’s time for some mother bear kinda love. It’s lion king time. This kind of love protects their young, their family, their community. This kind of love isn’t violent but it can fight if called to. It does not start a fight nor does it need to. But make no mistake, that bear, that lion has it in them.

This love is active, it’s courageous, it has muscle. This love is conscious, it readies itself, it causes sustainable impact. This love has a voice and uses it. It names a threat as a threat. It calls out the bully. It respects all sides of a situation and that includes the dangerous side.

This kind of love copes by healing the cause of the wounds not just licking them.

I am reading a re-reading Michael Moore’s To Do list particularly #4 & #5 since I’m a Canadian as it’s the only truly fully integrated message I’ve read in the last 24hours helping all of us to know what the F to do when the marbles shatter, so here they are.

#4 Everyone must stop saying they are “stunned” and “shocked.” What you mean to say is that you were in a bubble and weren’t paying attention to your fellow Americans and their despair. YEARS of being neglected by both parties, the anger and the need for revenge against the system only grew. Along came a TV star they liked whose plan was to destroy both parties and tell them all “You’re fired!”

Trump’s victory is no surprise. He was never a joke. Treating him as one only strengthened him. He is both a creature and a creation of the media and the media will never own that.

#5 You must say this sentence to everyone you meet today: “HILLARY CLINTON WON THE POPULAR VOTE!” The MAJORITY of our fellow Americans preferred Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump. Period. Fact. If you woke up this morning thinking you live in an effed-up country, you don’t. The majority of your fellow Americans wanted Hillary, not Trump. The only reason he’s president is because of an arcane, insane, 18th-century idea called the Electoral College. Until we change that, we’ll continue to have presidents we didn’t elect and didn’t want.

You live in a country where a majority of citizens have said they believe there’s climate change, they believe women should be paid the same as men, they want a debt-free college education, they don’t want us invading countries, they want a raise in the minimum wage and they want a single-payer true universal health care system. None of that has changed. We live in a country where the majority agree with the “liberal” position. We just lack the liberal leadership to make that happen. Let’s try to get this all done today.

Thank you Michael Moore… This is what I needed to hear today.

That Money Thang #5 – VIDEO

November 1, 2016

Money, it’s been my silent partner for years.

Avoidance, there’s another one who has been taking up space as a stow-away and not so quiet friend of mine.

Worth, yuck, yup, that one is here too, she lives in my shoe laces because then I can hear two voices. On one foot I hear awesomeness, I know it, I own it, I rock it, and I celebrate it. When that lace speaks I’m totally there holding hands and stepping forward, but then there’s the other shoe…

You see, it depends on the subject I’m lacing up.

Have you ever put skates on a kid? I’m a hockey mom and while my husband has been running the sports department in our house for the last decade, we’re now out-numbered with our third getting on the ice this year so I’m the one in his locker room doing my darndest to keep his ankles from rolling in. Let’s just say that I’m doing a better job with his alternate foot than I am with mine.

I totally wobble with my self-worth in certain areas, specifically my resource of which we all have three: Our time, our money and our energy. I’ve been on a self-avoidance spending tare for years.

That Money Thang is my latest journey through this thing called life because as I’m sure you’ve heard me say before (and I didn’t come up with it), we’re here for two reasons: to LOVE and to LEARN and isn’t it fortunate that the very things we need to learn also deliver us the self-love required to make a radical shift in the icky sticky stuckness of our life.

This week’s That Money Thang sees me celebrating because after eight years of procrastinating over two overstuffed bags of contacts and long over due follow-up to and from business dealings I’ve had, I poured seven hours into cleaning them up. It’s kinda shocking that eight years of hiding and tolerating which btw is a total of 70,080 hours can be tidied up in only seven. I realize that I may have been sleeping for 50% of those hours but let’s be honest about that too – that kind of procrastination does not generate deep slumber. My body did get cancer remember? Hmmm… right, an immune system shut down with invitation for disease to move in, how did lack of sleep not contribute to that?

Never again.

Procrastination = Worry = Sleepless nights = Recycled self-loathing = Empty self-worth = Panic = Procrastination = Worry = Sleepless nights = …disease.

Never again.

Here’s my jubilant walk with my pup as I celebrate rockin’ my own value, and yes that pun was totally intended.

Are you getting my drift here? This thing called self-worth and procrastination and stuffing it and and and… it’s all connected.

Do you want to feel more value in your life?

Maybe you want to join me and eleven others with a similar experience for Live Your Best Story, a weekend retreat nestled in an ecological sanctuary just twenty minutes away from Horseshoe Bay, West Vancouver.

Three times per year I host LYBS a weekend retreat on Bowen Island for those who want to do just that: LIVE their BEST Story. We spend 36 hours together listening to the story within you that wants to be known, loved and honoured.

Nothing can move from a rocky shore until a King (or Queen) Tide comes in, and that tide is you and your self-love.

If this sounds intriguing or delicious to you, why not send me a message below or at tina@liveyourbeststory.com and we’ll set up a free inquiry call to find out more.

I believe in you.

I know you have love inside of you.

xxT

Shaman Time – BLOG

October 31, 2016

I was with a client last week and he said to me: We’re in Shaman time. I said What? He says that’s when we bend time, when it could be 3pm or 3am, when the construct of a ticking clock drops away and so does our relationship to it.

Oh, I said.

That’s what listening feels like to me. That’s how I know when I’m in it instead of doing it.

I’m a core story specialist, at least that’s what I put on my business card so people can ‘get’ it, but really, if I lived in a small village where we were named by what we do as the integration of who we are, people would call me: Story Tracker. That makes me chuckle. We’re just so weird aren’t we? I’ll own that. I’m weird. Damn weird. Perfect weird. I can see me as a character in a film: I’m a little bit witchy, probably old and wrinkled and the director has probably given me only one eye to accentuate my story scars. I’d have a long crooked stick that I poke at you as your story unfolds in front of us… Relax, I have two eyes and I don’t carry a stick, though I might be a bit witchy… One could make a case.

Life would be a lot easier if we didn’t feel the need to separate who we are from what we do because they really are one in the same. Well, that is, when we’re doing what we innately are, thus all the book stores bursting at the seams with volumes about how to achieve being, as if being has a goal post attached to it.

It’s not about doing nothing in order to be, it’s about being so that our doing feels like nothing, or as my client calls it: Shaman Time.

At some point in a Story Day with me we usually end up out at the wildest part of the island where I live because there the wind howls, the waves crash and the trees bend and grow sideways. I take people there because it’s the closest I can come to being in Tofino without actually having to make the trek to get there myself. My brood of a family have camped on the wild wet west coast every summer for the last fifteen years, and it’s where I go to feel small, witnessed. My favourite time of the day is just as the sun is setting when there’s a loud heaviness of silence sitting above those of us standing on the beach. I can feel my own story being tracked, but this time not by me.

When I’m walking with my clients, I ask them about the word Mystery. What makes a good one? I ask.

They say: It’s thrilling, it’s kinda scary, it’s unknown, it’s a story; until I ask: What makes it NOT a horror? Not a cliff hanger? And how come we feel compelled to watch or read them all the way to the end?

Because we want to know what happens, they say. Like duhhhhh… they implore, respectfully looking at me as if I missed something.

Why? I ask.

Because we know that it will end, it will resolve and when it does, it makes sense.

Right, I add. Right.

Then I make a joke about being a kid and watching Scooby Doo and how my favourite part was always when the unmasked villain says: “and I would’ve gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for you meddling kids.”

Don’t we all feel like that sometimes?

The quote that has run my adult life comes from Mark Helprin’s novel, Soldier of the Great War about Alessandro Giuliani, an aged World War 1 Vet who goes on a pilgrimage and befriends a young boy on the way. As the two of them walk for days together, he recounts his life asking again and again in multiples of ways: Why did they die and I live? Why did my life matter? In the randomness of pain and beauty, where is the purpose of my choices? of my life? and the quote from his book that I have had pinned to my wall for years which has become the message that is now my life’s work is:

“Let no mystery confound you into the conclusion, that mystery cannot be yours”.

Mystery.

Witness.

Story.

Time.

See, time turns into mist and then disappears when I’m listening to people because that’s how mystery, like home, shows up for me, and in that space of witnessing it’s as if God reaches in through our story and says Yes.

And we both can hear it.

November 25th – 27th on Bowen Island, BC Canada (20 minutes outside of Vancouver) at Xenia Retreat Centre, TinaO is hosting Live Your Best Story, a weekend about Listening to your story so as to Lead your life.

If you’d like to talk to TinaO to find out if this weekend retreat is a good fit for you, send her a message below or at tina@liveyourbeststory.com to book a complimentary core story phone session. Living Your Best Story is a weekend designed just for you. It’s gentle. It’s honouring. It’s introspective and it feels like coming home.

xxT

Everyday Adventures – BLOG

October 14, 2016

every-day-adventures

When I had Baxter (the basset hound), it would come to that time of the day when I knew he needed to get outside to collect some new smells and waddle around the neighbourhood. I would wrap up the work I was doing and say, “Let’s go on an adventure!”

You see, I could never use the word “walk” without making our departure a little crazy. All hell would break loose, with Baxter pacing in circles, whining, and “following” me by walking ahead and blocking my every step, lest I try to leave the house without him.

Now that Baxter is gone—he passed away in May—I have no need to go outside for a walk each day. But I have come to enjoy thinking of life as a series of adventures. It was easy in the summer as we found endless craft breweries to try out, hikes to hike, and outdoor movies to lie about in a park to watch. Everything was an adventure. Now that it’s fall, we’re settled into being at home, wearing slippers around the house, and launching Netflix marathons. The only adventure is seeing if we can squeeze in another episode of Downton Abbey before one of us drifts off into a slack-jawed slumber.

Perhaps I exaggerate a touch, but it’s partly true. It’s not okay with me that I spend more time at my desk than anywhere else. So I roped The Mister into a brainstorm session to plot out some Everyday Adventures we can enjoy together.

Here’s what we came up with:

Choosing and preparing dinner when we’re both home. Much discussion and Pinterest-referring ensues, followed by a quick scour of available ingredients in the pantry and wine rack. Dinner for two becomes a playful indoor date.
Hiking and biking and other sweaty things. This idea is a win all-around; we get exercise, we get fresh air, and we get to smugly go through the rest of the day in a glorious caloric deficit.
Going to a whole new neighbourhood to grocery shop or sit in a coffee shop. I do this often when I am writing and looking for some fresh inspiration. A change of venue gives me a new perspective or a gentle nudge outside of my comfort zone. I figure it’s a great idea for relationships, too.
Buying tickets for random events in the city. We have many mini-adventures to look forward to where we get to dress up (we are both working from home a fair bit and turning into rather cozy cubicle-mates, so this is always a good thing!) and make a date night of it. In the next few months, we will go see Danny Bhoy, Louis CK, and Interesting Vancouver and we’re having fun researching the before-and-after of the plans.
Planning adventures in other places. We are in the process of booking an escape to somewhere hot when the Vancouver rain is at its most plentiful, and a weekend escape to Jasper. While the trips will be really fun, so much joy comes from the preparation we are doing now.
Thrift store treasure hunting. One of us will get a nutty idea or decide we need something—I am on the lookout for a big, sloppy pair of overalls I can wear when I paint, for instance—so we will make a little outing to a big thrift store and spend a couple of hours goofing off as we look for treasures. Last time, we came across a GIANT teal sombrero and I wore it around the store as I looked through old prom dresses. So fun.
Connecting with old friends and bringing them into the adventurous loop for games, dinners and catching up. Now that summer and all the frantic squeezing-in of outdoor fun has ended, it’s nice to connect again.

When we set the intention that we are here for “adventure” (however tame that might actually look), it helps us to find fun in whatever is going on. So what are your “adventures” going to be this week? How will you be intentional with your time? Tell me, tell me, and maybe I can steal your ideas!

Get Real, Sexy Real

Tara

Tara Caffelle is a Relationship and Communication coach. She is passionate about creating connected, almost-uncomfortable-to-watch relationships that are based in Sexy Communication and Big Lives worth rolling around in.

Tara is based in the Lower Mainland of Vancouver and offers custom-designed coaching programs. To claim your free 90+ minutes and see what might be possible for your own super coupledom (or persondom), find a time here.

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

Identifying Your Core Story – BLOG

October 4, 2016

Yesterday I started writing my book and if you’ve heard that before from me it’s because I have a few books going – it has been equally as frustrating for me, but you know how I say, “Sometimes the story tells you, and sometimes you tell the story“? – well, this is one of those times. I’ve been looking for the legs to the title of this book for a year or so and every time I thought I found it, it would sink weeks later into the sand and vanish, that is until I stumbled on to this.

My Core Story.

I won’t go into it much because it’s something you kinda just gotta surrender to. To be brief it looks like this. You have two questions to answer, and as much as possible, you have to let yourself answer them as plainly, honestly, and without decoration as possible (which is hard for us mind-centered, or feeling based people because we think we’re so beyond that, ahem… as if we could be). The one thing we all have in common is a primal need to be seen, heard and most importantly known – or as some self-helpers call it: to belong, and we’ll do anything and everything in our power to protect that possibility, including lie to ourselves, or worse, sugar coat it all so that we bare absolutely no responsibility for the possibility that someone in our 360 degree global peripherie ever feels like they might…not…belong.

From my perspective, none of us ever truly belongs and only in allowing the incredibly daunting human truth of that to be so will we ever tumble into the sense of belonging that we’re all scrambling to find. We gotta let it go because there is no proof. We can make some up, throw some names around, some labels, some arrows, some bullet points, share some aha moments and more… but the reality is, the only belonging we can every truly ‘prove’ is our very own personal sense of it, and even then only we, individually, can ever really believe it to the level that it seems real….

How bleak right? Oh gawwwwwd we’re all alone….?

Yep and in that, it’s how we’re totally not. That’s humanity. That’s where our connectedness is. That’s how our sameness shows up. It’s in our fragility matched only by our magnitude that our beauty is realized. How frickin’ gorgeous is that? And damn confusing I might add.

So I have two questions to help us identify how we don’t belong so that we can belong. At this point I’m either making you nuts or you dig my message. Wanna stay for more?

Two questions – that’s it and trust me when I say, they’re ridiculously simple to answer and insanely challenging to be known. I’ve been offering inquiry sessions with people as I develop this work and I can tell you, out of the countless people that I’ve chatted with, only three have been truly willing to answer the questions with all masks down right away and those that did let their core story tell me before their mind could (an example of ‘when the story tells you’). For the rest of us, most of the time we can tickle out some clues over the hour, like breadcrumb words we’re following to get there. Sometimes our core story shows up as expressions first before we can nail the one phrase that gives us goosebumps, or knocks the wind out of us.

It’s truly amazing when it happens. It’s beautiful to witness for sure.

So… now I’m writing a book. Forty five years of this story chasing me and now it’s ready to be given to the world. It’s not an autobiography, though it will be peppered with personal stories.

Okay, but before I do that, you’re thinking: What are the dang questions???? Well here they are, and if you struggle to find an answer, drop me a message below and we can book a complimentary inquiry session okay? I just may be able to help you out with that. Anything you post in the comments below go directly to my email – I don’t publish them. Now, if your core story does reveal itself to you and you don’t know what to do with it, also let me know and we can book a call to follow the thread together.

Here are the questions:

Question #1: What is the one thing you always give people (and the world) no matter what?

Question #2: In your deepest, darkest moments, what is the sentence you have always said to yourself ?

Here’s a clue: They are usually the opposite of each other, but not always. For example, my answers are:

Tina’s Core Story:

Core Love: You matter

Core Pain: I don’t matter, nothing matters, this is stupid, why bother.

I’ll explain more later… but for today, here’s an excerpt from the opening of my book that is all about this work and how it arrived for me:

an excerpt from You Matter – Identifying your Core Story

…So there’s this thing that you run from right? I do. I have most of my life. Even in my forties when I think I’ve stopped running, I forget, Oh yeah, I’m human, I run from everything. I think we’re master escape artists which seems kinda strange doesn’t it? Why would we want to escape the very thing we’re here to live. I suppose none of us had a choice in the matter and somewhere deep down that bugs us. Because we showed up here kicking and screaming, well some of us did, others came into the world all wide eyed and peaceful – I’m sure that I wasn’t one of them. I bet I came into the world fast – like a blow torch afraid I’d lose my flame if someone wasn’t holding me. Foooooosh, scorching the doctor as I came out.

I was premature. My mom was only sixteen when I was born. I joke about it now, well, not really. I joked about it when I was a kid. Adoption is one of those things that isn’t weird or hard, or difficult, it just is. When you’re a kid, it’s just part of the clothing you forget on the bus because it’s truly so irrelevant. When you’re a kid you don’t care how you came into the world, you’re just so damn glad to be here. Wow, look at that tree! It’s HUGE! Holy smokes I think I could climb that! Hey! I got a lemon twist for Easter! Watch me! Wait a minute how come my hair is so twisty and tangled and hers so straight? I like music. I sing all the time. Like all the time. I’m still singing la la la la la… I live between three churches and nobody in my house prays. How come? My dad is French Canadian and he likes to make home-made wine underneath the stairs. Sometimes we have fruit flies… See? Who cares if you’re adopted, you have lots of other things on your mind, at least I did. I used to tell my friends in highschool that I was a ‘back seat baby’ – I mean, where else do you have sex when you’re 15 years old right? I thought nothing of it. Of course, now I’m a mom to three of my own children, and I’m really close to my mom (biological), we’re kinda like sisters and I never, ever, ever blamed, judged or was angry with her about giving me away even when my mom (adopted) died when I was eight… Truly. I actually always knew that I was chosen some how – but still… that’s the mind, not the body. And you know, I still don’t care if I was conceived in the back seat of a car, but I do care about the rest of stuff.

The adoption thing became a traceable pattern. It was the first mirror of how this human experience was giving me exactly what I needed for who I am to expand (but that’s a whole other conversation, we’ll get there later). It was the first time I was experiencing my core story that I don’t really matter. It was the very first time, on a cellular level, that my body wasn’t sure if this place was where I was supposed to be. It was the first time my eyes couldn’t make sense of a moment, of a missing hand, of a warm chest, as I searched for the eyes of my mom, and the scent of her body. Yes I was only six months old and I could totally be making this up, but I’m not. Because we know stuff we don’t want to know. On some level, that’s what was going on for me, I just didn’t have words yet, but I understood that I didn’t matter.

More to come…

xxT

That Money Thang #2 No Peace for me Today

August 20, 2016

I woke up feeling mad and trapped this morning. Lets be honest, as I have almost every morning this week (minus the two days I had a friend over and was so happy to be distracted with her awesomeness and her bright eyed kids), and geeze louise, it’s because I’ve finally answered the door and let the money monster in.

‘Keep your friends close and your enemies closer’ as they say. No, money isn’t my enemy and all of you know it all money peeps who are prone to spout off all kinds of positive affirmation sound bytes can just relax. I know: money is just energy and it takes on whatever meaning we give it.

I get it.

What I’m really saying is that I’ve had an ‘if I ignore you long enough maybe you’ll just go away’ relationship with money for a long time and guess what? It did. Well, the dollars did, but the relationship didn’t.

Have you ever been the kid who pretends to be playing hide and seek? You know, the kid who hides wayyyyyyyyyy far away because she doesn’t want to play, doesn’t want to be found but also doesn’t want to say no to your game invitation either? That’s me. I’ve been in the money game forever but just pretending to play, slowly grumbling and sometimes even seething in the bushes.

That said, I have also been the all flashing teeth, bright eyes and POSITIVE mindset kid running running running and playing the game – one might even say I have WON a number of rounds of good ole hide and seek.

But that has never been sustainable for me. I always end up slipping away back to the bushes.

Interestingly enough, the kid I’ve never been is the one who is actually engaged in the game. You know, the kid who has chosen to play because she frickin’ loves the rules, loves the game, loves the win and can let loose in laughter when she loses. Oh my goodness, how many times have we heard, “it’s not about who wins or who loses, it’s about how you play the game”? – the secret sauce ain’t much of a secret is it? You gotta play, and more importantly, you gotta play like you wanna play, and when you do, sometimes you’ll win and sometimes you’ll lose but you’ll sure have a heck of a good time PLAYING…

Playing.

So that’s been my issue.

I don’t play. I’d really just rather not.

And when I do, I’m usually the reluctant player, and then worse, a judgemental player, and then worse than that – a resentful player.

Crap.

No wonder I woke up mad.

Ever feel like that???

The good news is, waking up to anything you’ve been hiding from will bring on all of the stages you’ve been avoiding. That’s called MOVING FORWARD. It’s just a blechhhhy part. No wonder I’ve been ignoring this whole mess.

Who wants to feel like this? Yet here it is.

So the deal is:

If I can overcome cancer, dehydration, radiation sickness and burn blisters in my throat, then grow through methodically building the muscle and endurance required to swim, bike and run a triathlon,

I guess I can walk through this fire too.

Oh boy, I guess I have a new mantra don’t I? But who wants to repeat that all the time? So instead, how about when you hear me say… “I can overcome…” – suffice it to say that I’m finishing the long windy proof in the pudding sentence in my head.

…I can do this too.

Even when I’m mad.

Today I’ll accept that being mad is just kinda like living out the feelings of being blistered.

Here are my musings – in the moment. Don’t worry, I’m rather contained. I gave the worst of it to Todd on our daily Saturday morning drive to the boat.

xxT

TinaO is a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub for all things worth living for, the workshop Live Your Best Story, and her coaching practice: Tall Poppy Living. She’s also a professional network marketer with a decade in the industry and with her Tall Poppy Living for Network Marketers Coaching Program, she teaches: selling isn’t slimey and marketing isn’t make-believe. You can be yourself and be successful in Direct Sales.

That Money Thang #1 – Enough is Enough

August 16, 2016

Enough is Enough I said.

So this is where it all begins, or continues. I don’t know anymore. Oh mannnn my relationship with money is like a best selling romance novel – there’s hot and steamy sexy bits with page upon page of anticipation only to be dashed into sleepless nights and heartbreak in the end. It seems drama has kept me coming back for more every single time. How like a twenty-something I am, except I’m 45.

It’s not like I was raised with victim-ish helplessness around paying the bills. There was no yelling or tears or even deathly silence over our dinner table, but rather the clear unavoidable acceptance of just goin’ with the flow, accepting that what we have is all we need and bloody hell, we’ll survive just fine thanks. It’s those debilitating don’t ask don’t tell claws that have messed with my financial psyche. In our house both awesomely good and stupidly nasty surprises like: layoffs, dying cars, bad gambles and winning the legion meat draw happened, so our rag tag bunch of mis-matched sibling (eleven of us, some kids, some not), all pretty much learned not to invest in anything too deeply. Listen, our sandcastle got built up and kicked down daily in an exploding second. What’s to invest in? Why bother? It’s going to be all good right? It all finds its way? It all works out in the end…? Right?

Maybe.

So today, at 45yrs old, after growing up blue-collar broke, then saddled with theatre school student loan debt in my twenties, claiming bankruptcy after a failed marriage in my pre-thirties, making ‘gangsta’ big cash in my forties in the network marketing industry and now starting all over again after a career change, cancer and just plain craziness, it’s time to take on my money story. I think it’s probably a good idea to get that handled before I’m a half century old.

It’s time to step into my story as the main character instead of watching it unfold like a jaded audience member. Now there’s a frickin’ journey I have wished would just happen without me needing to be involved. Wouldn’t that be nice? Mmmmm imagine if financial freedom was as simple as picking a box full of donuts.

Apparently it doesn’t work like that.

So, here’s where it begins.

Champagne was needed.

If this speaks to you, follow along. I’ll be introducing you to my four financial avengers and support team in the weeks to come. They’ll be lifting my confused head out of my own ahemmmmm… you know what, for the next while.

They’re really cool. I think I’m going to buy them each an avenger cape with all the money I save over the next year. I’m sure they won’t let me be so frivolous.

You see, I have a big hairy audacious goal.

I want to buy a house in the Lower Mainland in the next two years. We have no savings, lots of debt, and a double income that adds up to just a single one – currently, but it looks like I’m going to change that. Remember that gangsta money I earned once before? Well, if I can do it once, I can do it again.

I think I just had to GIVE UP first. Clearly what I was doing wasn’t sustainable, and broken dreams cost more than unrealized ones.

So here’s to financial freedom. To what it really means, and not the lip service everyone seems to give it. I’ll write more about that later.

Come with…They say financial empowerment feels pretty good. I’m up for that.

xxT

You Matter and So Do I

July 21, 2016

I thought this was about how I matter, and it is, but… so? Yes I’ve read all of the same books that you have and I get it, everything starts with me. Right? Nothing has the juice of connection until there’s a me in the center of my own picture and until we’re rooted in the me that is mine there is no hook that can reach out and in to you authentically.

Oh gawd that word, the A word: authentic.

I bet when those three syllables resurface in another ten years I may like them again, but for now, the A-word feels like it might be part of the problem.

Why?

Because we’ve named it and now it exists like a destination, or a flag if you will. We have a word for the missing it – it’s become the ingredient we’re all hoping will bring us an audience, or a tribe, or inner peace, that our authentic self will lead us to the next step, the next place that will lead us home so we can finally arrive.

We want authenticity now, and thats why there’s all this I-engine revving going on.

Who am I?
What do I want?
Where am I going?
What do I have to offer?

Can you hear it? The I that lives in the My?

What is My purpose?
What is My gift?
Who is My tribe?

And yes… I know, like I really know, because I teach this stuff too and I can spend a lot of time spouting off about this very subject, in fact here’s what I say in Live Your Best Story on Friday night: “You can’t get there from there, you can only get there from here, and tonight, all we are doing is experiencing what it feels like to stand in our here.” These I’s and My’s are all about owning what is HERE, our here, right here, no where else but here. It’s our dot on the page, our own personal Google beacon so we can see ourselves and be seen from space. We do all of this work on our I and our My because we’ve grown into master escape artists. The last thing any of us want to do is actually BE HERE, or even harder, BE HERE TOGETHER.

So we sign up for I courses, Me weekends and My workshops. We begin to get comfortable in our ability to take up space, let our voice me known, and have an opinion. We might even roar a bit. Wooooo that’s risky. We buy into the idea that if we’re not ‘pissing anybody off, we’re not taking any risks either’. We bite into our I am sandwich, and then we keep on eating.

Why then are we still hungry and/or just a little bit sick?

What’s that about?

Because I and Me and My and Mine may be perfect, but it’s not whole. It’s only half of the story right? That would seem logical wouldn’t it? But even that isn’t accurate because I, Me and My is in fact only a third, and if you’re still with me, actually only 1/4 of the whole. Ready?

Here’s what it is:

I
You
little we
BIG WE

Following the top three, we can ask: Does this serve me? Does this serve you? Does this serve us? It’s pretty simple to stand in each of those perspectives and know what to do. It’s even easier when we can recognize that each of us has a default position that we auto-pilot. Clearly, for those of you who have followed me for awhile, know that I have a very strong and habitual “I” position. How do you know that? How many selfies do I take??? Yup… lots. I’m suuuuuuper comfortable in the I position. My back-up pilot is the ‘little we’ position as in, I remember that when I post a ‘selfie’ about me, I do it in service of the ‘little we’ – here’s where I suggest the 4th option, or a 3B if that’s easier…

I call it the big ‘WE’ (and yes I’m totally riffing on David Brook’s idea of the big and little me in his book The Road to Character which I LOVE btw).

You still with me?

See, there’s a difference between the little we and the big we and here it is:

Little we: Your team, your tribe, your community, your audience, your network, your connections.

What is the common denominator here? YOU as in ME, or I, as if we own it, or are the central character.

Here’s the BIG WE: Us, the planet, all, ever-after. What’s the common denominator? ALL, there’s no differentiation between you or me or we. There is no separation, or BOX to put us in because we ARE THE BOX.

as my husband would say: Dynamite BOOOOOOOOM! Kablammo – now what?

I’m working on a book called You Matter and so do I – and this is the theme I’m exploring. I’m taking a look at concepts like:

It doesn’t matter because I already do.
Who am I without words to describe me?
Where does resilience come from?
Finding freedom at the bottom.
What landing in your groove feels like and why.
How detachment might be a form of attachment to the BIG WE.
You matter because you are breathing, because you arrived, because you are here.

You matter and so do I is what I’m working on for delivery to all of you by October 29th 2016. There. It matters because it, as in the story that is coming, can now breathe too.

Big thank you to Meribeth Deen for nailing my thoughts to squiggles on a page. She helps me find words when I can’t see them or hear them yet.

xxT