TinaOLife Archives - Page 4 of 9

Living My Best Story

April 19, 2016

What do you do? People ask me this all the time and the truth is, I don’t have a freakin’ clue how to give people the answer they actually, truly want, but aren’t asking for.

Well, that’s not true, I can do it, but it would likely piss you off.

People want me to answer What do you do? with something like this:

I’m a writer.
I’m a salesperson.
I’m a seminar leader.
I’m a speaker.
I’m a professional network marketer.
I’m a consultant.
I’m a social media maven.
I’m a mom, a wife, a baker, a tri-athlete (in training), a cancer survivor, a friend, a mentor…

People (maybe even you) don’t really want to know what I do, you want to know who and what I am right? But that’s far too complex of a question to ask, and it’s certainly too much to answer over a quick chat in a bank line-up isn’t it? (Wait a minute, does anyone even go to the bank anymore?).

If I told you what I do by prattling off a long list of my activities you’d be like: “lady, I’m just making small talk, I don’t need your whole story”.

And that’s the issue for me. I am a story. You are a story. Every second of our day is another word, phrase, and paragraph of our living story.

So, when you ask me what I do, if I’m feeling empowered enough to hold your quizzical, yet kinda blank stare as you try to piece together the words that are falling out of my mouth into something that makes sense to you, this is what I would say:

You: So… What do you do?

Me: Thank you for asking, well… I Live My Best Story, and I inspire others to do the same.

You: Blank stare.

Four years ago I was not living my best story. At that time, I thought ‘story’ was something that happened ‘to me’ not through me. I thought that all of my broken promises, unrealized dreams, and misfortunes had happened to me, (me being the central character, yet object not subject of my story). I had been watching my life happen and since it had a bunch of successes in it like:

I’d completed writing multiple plays,
produced and directed a few quirky short films,
ran a successful small PR firm,
had been self-employed for most of my life… and paid the rent!
got married,
gave birth to three healthy boys,
had ample friends and was part of an active community,
***plus I had made it to the top of a network marketing business and even earned the company car.

Yup. I had ditched my childhood years of ‘never enough’ for a brand new white Mercedes Benz, and I had moved in to abundance town.

But it wasn’t my story, even though it was a good one.

I know. I know. We live in North America and it’s a LUXURY to build a life we love.

I know. I know. Millions of people all over the world are simply surviving each day. They don’t have a choice.

I know. I know. I should feel damn lucky and grateful for what I do have.

I know… I had been lamenting my first world problems. Poor little rich girl…

Still, it wasn’t my story, and if it wasn’t my story, it certainly couldn’t be my BEST STORY either.

I’ve always been blessed by having brilliant people around me, and my decades in the arts had taught me how to tell the truth, shake and quake while I did it, still, trust it somehow. So I asked my near and dear… What do I do now? Their answer came back loud and clear:

Launch your F**’k’n workshop Tina.

Gong… the bell in my own tower rung. Quiver quiver shake shake.

And that was the beginning for me. My best story chose me and not the other way around. You’ve heard me say this before: To whom much is given, much is expected, and if I’m going to live my best story, then bloody hell, you are too (if I have anything to do with it).

SO HERE ARE MY QUESTIONS FOR YOU:

Is your past in the way of your present?
Have you hit the wall of your own beliefs?
Are you saddled by uncertainty?
Are you always in the ‘almost’ position instead of ‘arrived’?
Are you living someone else’s story instead of your own?
Is your story brighter than you’re willing to step in to?

If so, you might be where I was four years ago and you might want to come and Live Your Best Story with me for a weekend.

Our upcoming retreat (12 spots only) is May 27th – 29th. Click here to register (at the friends of rate!), or send me an email and we can chat about what’s really going on with you and see if a weekend away might just be the answer to your restlessness.

LYBS sign — Live Your Best Story with facilitators: Tina Overbury, Nicolle Nattrass, Dr. Carolyn Nesbitt and Cindy Schreyer

What do I do? I live my best story and I inspire and support others to do the same.

xxT

Send me an email at tina@liveyourbeststory.com

TinaO is a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub for all things worth living for, the workshop Live Your Best Story, and her coaching practice: Tall Poppy Living. She’s also a professional network marketer with a decade in the industry and with her Tall Poppy Living for Network Marketers Coaching Program, she teaches: selling isn’t slimey and marketing isn’t make-believe. You can be yourself and be successful in Direct Sales.

Dear Tina #3, Teach Others to Listen

April 14, 2016

Yesterday I decided to stop pretending.

Yesterday I decided to ‘come out’ – can I even use that term if I’m not gay? Can ‘coming out’ apply to being ‘seen’?

Yesterday I quaked a little bit, you know the human part that worries that people will think you’re weird and you’ll end up alone, wandering back alleys with nothing but stray cats following you, their bent tails resembling the off-ness of you, eating samosas out of a bag, muttering poetry with every step, and wearing nostalgic too old sneakers and smelling like patchouli…? That part. I quaked about the possibility of all of that happening, and then I decided to risk it. But then, I kinda like the smell of patchouli.

Yesterday I didn’t stop until the message stopped me.
Yesterday I decided I’m going to be seen.
Yesterday I said I am. I do. I share.
Welcome to my page: Work with TinaO

Here it is:

I’m committed to helping you to LIVE.

That’s a pretty broad statement isn’t it? Yes, I think so too. Yet that’s what I’m here for, and that unique message was delivered straight to me via me through my very own Dear Tina journal…

My Dear Tina personal practice began on March 13th 2014, and through these very pages, my own calling to help others truly live is what showed up. And who am I to argue with myself? Because that would be kinda silly don’t you think?

What am I talking about?

Life.

Living.

You know, this ride we’re on for however long we’re invited to be here (which none of us knows how long that will be even though we talk a big talk and stay up at night thinking about or avoiding it).

It’s this thing called LIFE, and it’s super distracting (oh the schedules, appointments, paperwork, pings, dings, deadlines), often ridiculous (the fights, flights, climbs, and confrontations), kind of depressing (broken dreams, resentments, shattered hearts, deaths and disappointments), is also wildly thrilling (think: love, laughter, accolades and ambition), is fantastically possible (with our bucket lists, breakthroughs and aha moments), and is ultimately, an intoxicating ride (hate it, love it, forget about it, and want it…) called LIFE.

My work is to help you LIVE FULLY without having to:

FIGURE IT OUT or
ESCAPE from what you don’t understand.
Live only in the ‘meditative or spirit world’
or be an EXPERT.
or be a LEADER.
or become ORGANIZED.
or know how to PRIORITIZE.
and for freak sakes… to once and for all FINALLY GIVE UP the painful practice of NEEDING TO BE ON TOP OF IT ALL.

Gawwwwd aren’t you exhausted of being on top of it all???

I sure was. It gave me cancer. And that’s how I came to be here with you.

Dear Tina…

…teach others to listen, what to listen to, how to navigate the voices. Dec. 26th 2014

…You will create a process for people to follow that encourages self listening. December 26th 2014

…Show others the way through the mess of busyness. It is not necessary. Lead Tina. Lead. August 2015

…Disease is transformation Tina, and you have transformed. Do not shrink back. August 29th 2015

…You have been asked to help others connect to the whole self. You’ve been asked to help people reacquaint themselves. December 1st 2015

So there it is.

And that is how I will work with you. You will learn how to listen to your innate wisdom and together we’ll build a way of LIVING that is truly yours.

I call it Your Living Story, or #liveyourall

I showed it to my husband because he has the best ‘total-bull-shit-sniff-test’ out there.

and I passed his ‘sniff’.

I’ll never forget the day I shook in my boots across our kitchen island, over the toast and butter and apples and and and… clutching my Sunday morning coffee, crazy weekend hair flying and sheepishly looked up and said to him: “I think I want to write a book, speak, and run workshops and stuff. I can’t stand the expert industry, but I think I might be one. I don’t want to lose you. Will you still like me?”

He said: Tina, that train, your train has already left the station, you just haven’t decided to get on yet. I know you. This is who you are. It’s who you’ve always been.

That was almost four years ago now.

Welcome to TinaOLife,

to Dear Tina,
to Tall Poppy Living,
to Tall Poppy Living for Network Marketers and
to Live Your Best Story.

These are my offerings.

xxT

p.s. if you are a cancer survivor or have loved ones you’d like to honour, check out my #100love campaign. I swim, bike and run for them.

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What’s Taboo to You?

April 13, 2016

What’s Taboo to You?

In my family, it seems like some things are too tragic to even talk about. A few months after my dear friend and ex-husband passed away last year, I had lunch with my aunt and uncle. At the end of the meal, during which we caught up on family and the weather and all those usual things, my aunt quietly reached across the table, lightly touched my hand, and with a nod, half-whispered “You’re doing all right, with….everything?”

I assured her that I was, because, let’s the be honest, the door hadn’t exactly been swung open to speak openly about my grief and the hell I found myself in. It felt easier to give her the answer she wanted to hear.

I remember a TV show in which the character’s mother would always whisper the word cancer, as if it was just too awful to say out loud.

But here’s the thing: not giving voice to things that are unpleasant to talk about does not make them go away.

If we choose to keep things to ourselves, we rob our loved ones of intimate moments with us from which we could all grow.

I, for one, would rather speak openly about, well, everything. In my sessions with clients (and even during dinner parties), I brazenly ask the questions about sex lives, the quality of relationships, and the taboo things that aren’t being said. It’s my super power.

Yes, some topics are very uncomfortable, and we don’t want to risk looking bad, looking stupid, being shamed, or being told that what we are saying doesn’t matter. When we choke back our words, not only is it toxic to our bodies to keep it bottled up, but it’s also the very opposite of intimate. It doesn’t help us to share our experiences and grow from them.

My clients often find themselves locked in quiet conflict with their partners because they’re afraid to speak up about the things that are troubling them. Instead of initiating a conversation in a safe, open way, they avoid the most important topics…and let them fester.

When we choke back our words, not only is it toxic to our bodies to keep it bottled up, but it’s also the very opposite of intimate.

My solution to this, and your invitation, should you choose to accept it, is to preface these topics with permission or a request for support.

Here are some examples:

● I’m feeling really upset about this and I’m not sure what’s happening for me. Can we talk about this some more?

● I have something I need to tell you and I’m scared that you’re going to be angry with me.

● Can I share an observation about what happened between us last night?

● This is really awkward and I’m not sure what to say.

● Please help me understand what you’re trying to say.

The next time you have something that you are tempted to keep to yourself because you feel triggered, or because you’re fearful of what might happen, try one of these on. You may be pleasantly surprised by the outcome of the conversation.

I will be speaking openly about all sorts of relationship-related things in my Play Space Salon and I would love to have you join me there on the second and fourth Thursdays of each month. To access the live salon, head on over to my Facebook page and tune in at 7pm PDT. You’ll be able to send me your questions and comments as we go. I look so forward to seeing you there!

Get Real, like Sexy Real.

Tara

Tara Caffelle is a Relationship and Communication coach. She is passionate about creating connected, almost-uncomfortable-to-watch relationships that are based in Sexy Communication and Big Lives worth rolling around in.

Tara is based in the Lower Mainland of Vancouver and offers custom-designed coaching programs. To claim your free 90+ minutes and see what might be possible for your own super coupledom (or persondom), find a time here.

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

The Radiator

April 8, 2016

The Radiator

The cat mewls loudly,

curled up in the corner

by the purple radiator.

You know, that’s a damn ugly color

to paint a radiator.

I’ve lived in this apartment nine years,

a long time to live with an eyesore.

How many thousands of times

have I glanced at it,

and failed to notice

that it resembles a giant accordion

repeatedly vomited on by a wino?

A wino, who by an involuntary disposition,

or by a conscious act of will,

took to not noticing things

until the things were taken away or lost,

except the wine bottle and the sickness

in the morning and the head

that has lost even the words

that float in pieces in a fog where they

can’t be held down and made to say

more than “I’m sorry.” or “Please.

or sometimes a name that seems

to have something to do with him.

I might be more like this man

than I’d like to admit.

My remaining family members

numbering three and we don’t speak

across the thousands of literal miles.

My youthful ideals as valuable as play money

in the world’s marketplace,

purchasing only chuckles or blatant scorn.

My idiotic proclamations of genius

as idiotic as they sound.

I seem to be disappearing

over these many years,

but only now noticing it,

but the wino is only a scarecrow

something I’ve made up right?

I notice the radiator resembles

the bunched brow of a malicious entity,

some steel radiator god

that glowers behind what we fail to see,

and despises men such as myself

Rodney DeCroo is a songwriter, poet and playwright. He has released 6 full-length albums, an album of poetry set to music (Allegheny), a book of poetry (Allegheny, BC) and a theatre production (Stupid Boy in an Ugly Town) that received critical acclaim at several Canadian fringe and writers festivals. DeCroo wrestles with regret, loss, aging, love, memory, death, art—always with his own ongoing recovery embedded in the background. DeCroo’s album and performances draw upon his greatest natural resource—his poetry.

Want to buy his music? Find him here on itunes. Want to catch him in concert? Check out his calendar here.

iRelationships

April 8, 2016

iRelationship?

I don’t know about you, but I have a love/hate relationship with my technology. I happily leave my phone at home when I am out in the woods, for instance, but then wish I had it with me to take photos of beautiful views. I try to make rules for myself about when and where I am allowed to look at it, but it’s still my alarm clock, and although I rarely need an alarm to wake up with these days, I need it to wake me up when I have somewhere to be. I love the convenience, and hate that I’m so dependent.

When I was in Colombia in February, you’ll recall that I didn’t speak a lot of Spanish and was also travelling alone. The only “company” I had was when I could use wifi to chat with the boyfriend, my assistant, my editor, and anyone else who would interact with me.

The whole experience of only being able to type to communicate for the entire time I was away got me thinking:

How have relationships changed with technology?

How well can we possibly communicate with only a tiny keyboard and rampant auto-correct?

This led me to investigate new ways of being with my phone and the relationships in my life (something I have also pondered here).

To start, I went to Tara’s Play Group, (a private Facebook group you’re invited to join!), and asked:

“What are the last three texts that you and your sweetie exchanged?”

What I found was a lot of what I expected: Folks forgot their lunches. Some couldn’t find a place to park. Some were encouraged to shop for things that would bring joy. Many plans were made to consume food. One couple was shopping for dog beds.

There were also proclamations of love with expletives for emphasis. But on the whole, the text messages were hardly love letters.

I considered how relationships looked 10, 20 and 50 years ago. My grandparents didn’t text, they would make plans (and keep them); my grandfather would call on my gramma to see her. My parents relied on notes left on the kitchen counter to communicate when they couldn’t manage to connect in person. I would write notes on loose-leaf paper, fold it carefully into an origami square, and slip it to the high school boy of my dreams as we passed in the hallways.

The reality is, technology is a huge part of our current relationships and it’s here to stay. But I can’t help but wonder if it’s splintering our conversations with our loved ones into a bunch of disconnected updates.

Maybe we need to think about being more intentional with our communication, and consciously notice how it fits into our lives. Just like with the inevitable shifts that come in relationships over time—from the ooh-la-la-in-love stuff to the mundane and settled—our technological exchanges seem to shift, as well. But that doesn’t mean we don’t get a say in it.

The reality is, technology is a huge part of our current relationships.

One action item I am taking on is to really notice my partner and the people with whom I communicate. Instead of the usual equivalent of a non-verbal grunt over text, I am taking time to notice and see. I am telling my Mister that I loved watching him play with the dog this morning and that I really appreciate that he made me coffee before leaving for work. I’m starting to write actual letters to share news, instead of drafting an email or a short text.

What do you think: does technology have a negative impact on your relationships? What will you do to be more present while also using it?

Its time to get real, like sexy real.

Tara

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

Relationship or relationship?

March 31, 2016

let’s stop using so many capitals.

It has come to my attention that we spend a lot of time making things bigger and more important than they need to be and it makes these things scary and renders them somehow untouchable.

We’re all capable of amazing professional and personal accomplishments and rich, nourishing relationships. But sometimes, when we build our goals and priorities up into insurmountably huge obstacles in our minds, we freeze.

Wondering if you do this? I’m willing to venture that you do. Let me give you some examples from my own life and the stories I have been told by clients:

I like to meditate, but in my mind, it sometimes turns into Meditate, with a very capital M. I feel this heavy reverence when I think of it. I feel pressure to Meditate: sit in a perfect lotus position, and not be at all distracted while I meet up with the Dalai Lama in my head each morning before eating a pile of chia seeds and skipping off to a yoga class. And so because this all seems so darn arduous and frankly not fun at all, I skip the whole thing, tell myself I’ll do it tomorrow, and go back to my morning coffee. The next day, it’s lather, rinse, repeat.

A former client brought a proposal to me; she had been asked to write a Book. There were many pros and cons to taking on the project, but a big roadblock was that it was a Book and was thus very important and in need of serious concentration and setting-aside of other priorities. The Book wasn’t fun, but a book (little b) may have been.

I am looking forward to what will likely be an epic hiking trip this summer. When I tell people about the planning and the training, I often hear about how much others would love to Be Outdoorsy, or Go Hiking. You want to know my secret? I think of the West Coast Trail, and really any hike, as just a hike. You know, with a small h.

Small letters keep it all fun.

Are you in a relationship or a Relationship?

In our relationships, how often do we stress out trying to carve out Quality Time with our partner when just sharing space and spending time together would be really, really great? How about getting caught up in Sex, when little-s sex and the comfortable intimacy around it would fill you both up?

We have the tendency to make too many things so damn important, and in the process, we miss incredible joy in the small things that make up life.

Here’s your invitation this week:

Soak up the very presence of your partner. Drop the Date Night and the huge expectation, and just enjoy their sense of humour, their views of the world; laugh together and just be. Let go of the should of it (you should spend time together, you should feel close, it should be easy, etc.) and just delight in their company. When we capitalize anything (Meditate, Book, Sex, Quality Time or anything else), we make it a “should” when it really would be so much more fun as a “get to.”

Try it this week and see what shifts. And don’t be shy about letting it carry over to all the areas of your life: Getting Enough Exercise, Eating Well, Running Your Business, Relaxing With Your Hobbies, Spending Time With Family, and even Creating Memories With Your Children.

Ditch the capitals, and embrace that life can be lowercase and lovely.

get real like sexy real

Tara

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

Dear Tina – Your Hands Needn’t Feel Small

March 26, 2016

It’s a funny thing this Dear Tina practice of mine. I do it for me, but I see now, that I also write them for you.

Dr. Gordon Neufeld speaks of emergent energy and the importance of cultivating time for that in our children’s lives. He suggests that we find out who we are when we’re doing what we do for no other reason than the sheer pleasure of being in the doing of it.

It’s when our doing has no ego.

For example, my strongest memory of this was when I was filling time as a 10 years old one pre-supper time afternoon. I gave myself ninety minutes worth of full on dancing – frolicking really, because I had time to kill before I was to be called in. See I grew up in a rather tumultuous home and going inside to that noise was always the last thing I ever wanted to do, so on that particular day, I decided to… dance. I found wacky ways to wind myself up the old chipped cement steps, entangle my willowy body up and over the black enameled 70’s style railing, roll my arms across the glass bottle stucko, and leap back and forth across our paved walk dotted by my mom’s spring favourites: orange marigolds. Oh yes I did. I can only imagine what our city neighbours thought about this curly haired wild child dancing like a fairy in her front yard. But I learned something about myself that day – though I didn’t know what.

Flash ahead a few months and now I’m running at full tilt down Fraser Street, 49th ave all the way down to 60th to visit some friend of mine (no idea who – clearly didn’t matter). It was summer. I had on lemon yellow shorts, a halter top and too small sneakers but I was on an adventure. Time stood still and I was running. Again, I learned something yet didn’t know what.

And the hours of walking, walking, and still walking, back and forth to my best friend and boyfriend’s house after school. I seemed to never have enough bus fare, so I walked, sometimes for two hours – and that’s a lot of alone time for a 14 year old. I loved it. Again I learned something, still I didn’t know what.

But now, at 45 years old, I do. I know what I was learning.

Dr. Neufeld suggests that it’s in these silent times of doing ‘nothing’ but ‘doing’ for the sheer enjoyment of the ‘do’ – while no one watching, or praising, or noticing – when there is no audience but ourselves that we become fueled by our very own emergent energy, and in doing so, we can listen to the story that is who we are.

We can hear who we are.

This Dear Tina practice that I do – is just that. It’s tapping in to the story that wants to tell me, to the wisdom that is timeless and to the emergent energy that fires up the effortless listening we all have access to.

I’ll write another post about what I didn’t know I was learning later, but if you want a glimpse into that now, here’s a piece I wrote a few years back as I was wrestling with being in my 40s, unsure of my purpose and feeling time tick tick tick. It answers the beginning questions of mine behind whom I’ve always been.

Welcome to Dear Tina #2. If you’re just tuning in to this thread and want a bit more context to what this Dear Tina thing is all about, click here for Dear Tina #1. Bottomline: This is how I listen to what I call my innate wisdom, or soul.

May 2014 – Dear Tina

Your hands needn’t feel small for you have access to the mother of all.

Whichever piece of me you need today – I am here – as father, as mother, as girlfriend, as daughter, as mentor.

I am all for you at all times. Step into my heart beat inside you and let your colours be seen – you are all that is needed. There is no need to impress, simply be. Be in your body, in your stomach that shakes – give of yourself as you always do. Give of you – dear one – you are needed today.

Step into my heart and together we can give it all away.

Happy Easter all. While I’m a woman of spirit, religion isn’t really my thing. Stories that are given as absolutes seem to divide us, but wisdom from those same words and the rituals they create do bring us together.

May you be blessed, warm, colourful, and funnnnnnnnnnn. Smile and tilt your face to the sun. You belong. You are loved.

xxT

TinaO is a writer, speaker and the founder of TinaOLife – a hub for all things worth living for, the workshop Live Your Best Story, and her coaching practice: Tall Poppy Living. She’s also a professional network marketer with a decade in the industry and in her Tall Poppy Living for Network Marketers Coaching Program, she teaches: selling isn’t slimey and marketing isn’t make-believe. You can be yourself and be successful in Direct Sales.

100 LOVE

March 25, 2016

Sending LOVE to those who have walked the path, still run against time, or are now at rest.

There is LIFE after cancer.

Pledging $20+ in the name of your loved one supporting:
Goal #1 $1000 for Can Too (Vancouver Triathlon)
Goal #2 $2500 for the Ride to Conquer Cancer

As a survivor, I swim, bike and run for them, because I still can.

I’m a cancer survivor.

Truth is, I hate that term, but it’s a story people relate to plus, it’s true. In April 2015 I was diagnosed with stage 3 tonsil cancer, HPV p16 immunostaining. Highly cure-able, yet grueling in treatment. I was warned by my doc, my ear nose and throat doc and the oncologist about all that was coming so I was prepared. It was a disgusting process for sure (I won’t get into that now, but if you want to know more I’ll share my story here later). In July 2015 we finished our final treatment and I’m humbled to say that we all made it, and I’m not just talking about ‘not dying’, I’m talking about, we’re all still ‘living’. Me and my family of five, my friends of many, and my community of plenty made it through together and we’re all just that little bit more inspired to be ALIVE today, thus TinaOLife was born.

This 100 Love campaign marks the beginning of my ‘cancer as life-catalyst story’ that found me. I often say, to whom much is given, much is expected, and unfortunately, sometimes what we’re given isn’t always the ‘good’ stuff.

I was given a lot:

To welcome fear to the table, to acknowledge disease as a guest, to choke down the very humanness of treatment, stare into the eyes of helplessness from those who love you the most, choosing to show up in action-yet surrendering to the process, to question: why me? To feel guilty, experiencing survivor remorse as one who seems to have side-stepped the destruction, and to carry on as a survivor (I still feel like I don’t deserve to say that), and knowing that I am so much more than the survivor label because I can still DO something.

So now I am giving back.

I’m 8 months out of treatment with an ‘all-clear’ petscan, everything presenting that we got it all and a stellar prognosis on the horizon, and so today I am choosing to celebrate this awesome body of mine that came back from being broken to celebrate what it can do PLUS pay it forward.

Today I am honouring those who have come before me: your family members, your friends, and your loved ones who have walked this cancer path, those who continue to race against time with their care providers and specialists doing their utmost to keep them alive, and those who are now at rest. This is a pledge page. This summer I will SWIM, BIKE AND RUN in their honour, and I’m asking you: Whose names can I carry with me? as I train for two big physical events that promise to push my physical and psychological limits. I’m alive and I am celebrating that.

Here’s how it works:

No pledge is too small, and every $20 (Can Too) / $25 (Ride to Conquer Cancer) pledge with an honouree attached will be celebrated during each event and after. I will run, ride and swim in their name.

You can choose which event you would like to pledge:

EVENT #1 The Vancouver 5i50 Ironman Triathlon July 10th. It’s an olympic distance tri. Oh boy… I can thank my dear friend Adrian for this one.

It’s a 1.5km swim, 40km bike and finishing off with a 10km run.

p.s. the first time I swam with my face in the water I was 28yrs old and I haven’t done it since… I’m 45 yrs old now. This is my biggest challenge.

I am raising $1000 under the Can Too banner an organization that raises funds for cancer research in exchange for a triathlon training program and volunteer coaches to help me along the way. Haven’t heard about Can Too yet? Well, that’s because they’re not technically in Canada yet, (though cross your fingers for the future okay?) however, I can still work with them from a distance.

Can Too is an Australian organization that engages and inspires individuals to achieve personal health, well-being and altruistic goals. Beginners and experienced athletes alike are given professional coaching as part of a team to run, ride or swim in endurance events- including 10km, half-marathon and marathon runs, ocean swims and triathlons.

All pledges raised go towards innovation in the prevention, care and control of cancer through Cure Cancer Australia and Cancer Council NSW.

CLICK HERE (or the pic) to pledge $20 or higher in the name of your loved one as I complete the Vancouver 5i50 Triathlon.

Today I run, I ride, I swim and I celebrate what this body can do, for me, and for you.

Why? Because I can, and that’s worth sweating for.

EVENT #2 The Ride to Conquer Cancer August 27/28th

The Ride to Conquer Cancer benefiting the BC Cancer Foundation is an epic, two-day cycling event spanning over 200 kilometres through picturesque scenery! Their vision is clear – A World Free From Cancer.

With some highschool (Patrick Phang) and elementary school friends (David Tam) behind me (yes, it’s true), I’ve decided to cycle 200km over two days. Thanks to Spin Cycle Bike Store in Gibsons on the Sunshine Coast, I have a new LIV bike to the ride too. They rock and I’m thrilled to have them on my ‘tri’ and ‘ride’ team. Whewwwwf!

Doing this ride post cancer treatment myself, I get to reclaim the cyclist in me who used to love the freedom of cycling before having children. Once again I’ll feel the strength in my legs and feel the wind in my hair. I’m soooooo looking forward to this ride!

The money you pledge for The Ride to Conquer Cancer will benefit BC Cancer Foundation and support leading clinicians, scientists, and researchers whose search for new discoveries and improved patient outcomes will have a real impact in our communities throughout the province, across Canada, and around the world.

Each week I will update our list of honourees. Please know that once you PLEDGE to either cause, I will followup with an email to you confirming the name of your loved one and if you’d like to send me a photo, I’ll use that too in my 100 person square that will look something like this only with 100 faces:

Today, this is where it all begins. I have just three names on my list so far and I wish it could stay that way because that would mean we’ve found the solution. For now, we begin where we are and we move forward from here.

Here’s to the people you love.

and here’s to you for making a difference.

xxT

FOR TODAY, MARCH 23rd, I train for:

My mom, Peggy Overbury
My dad, Norman Overbury (while not cancer, emphyzema instead, he died from years of smoking and I have no doubt that cancer would’ve come quickly).
and My mother in law, Barb Ingram

xxT

Make your pledge to CAN TOO – supporting my very first triathlon by clicking here.

Make your pledge to the RIDE TO CONQUER CANCER – supporting my August ride by clicking here.

Want to join the team? Run? Bike? Swim? with me? Send me a message here and we’ll connect okay?

On Boats and in Life

March 23, 2016

When I was little, my family spent a lot of time at my grandparents’ cabin. It was about an hour from our house and we would drive there for the weekend so Dad could help Grampa with the property. I think Dad likely resented having to give up his weekends to labour away, but I have nothing but warm memories of my time there. I remember how I always, always got carsick on the drive, and the smell of the canvas life jacket I had to wear in the boat, and having a bath in the kitchen sink before I was old enough to have a shower in the stall. We would play cards, roam the woods in search of adventure and chase minnows and frogs from the dock. Now that both of my grandparents are gone, these memories are particularly sweet.

After a long weekend of work, it was finally time for some fishing and relaxation in the boat. We would all clamour in to troll around the lake, and I remember so clearly being invited to sit on my Grampa’s lap and steer the boat. I am pretty sure I beamed at the very idea of doing such a grown-up thing.

I would always get excited and madly turn the wheel, tilting the boat so it looked like it was about to flip over, which made my Gramma yelp and hold onto the seat.

My Grandfather would patiently remind me:

“Make small turns, and let it straighten out.”

(I remember him being patient, but I have a feeling there may have also been some very-loving shouts.)

It turns out my Grampa was pretty brilliant.

Yes, it made the ride in the boat smoother, and kept my beloved Gramma from heart failure, but my Grampa’s message resonated far beyond our boat ride. It is something I apply now to my life, my relationships and also my work.

Do we often see what we want to be different and then dive in, too far, too fast? Do we take the wheel and make a sharp turn that can’t be sustained without tipping over?

You bet your sweet ass we do.

It’s great to want to shift things in your lifes. It’s wonderful to want to be your very best self for your relationship. And it’s never a bad idea to try and transition and improve. The key in making any of these changes is to make them gradually and at a sustainable pace.

What does this mean for your relationships?

If you want to prioritize spending more time together as a couple, start with 15 minutes a day of connecting and talking about more than groceries and soccer practice. Ask your partner what they would have you do to support them in what they are wanting to do and who they are wanting to be.

If you would like your family to be healthier, avoid the drastic changes in diet and change one thing at a time. Find something fun for you all to do together.

If you want more physical intimacy in your relationship, start with non-sexual touching throughout the day; greet your partner warmly when they arrive home and tell them how happy you are to see them.

If you think you’d like a whole different career, don’t just quit your job: that could be seen as irresponsible. Instead, be intentional about your spare time, choose hobbies that are connected to the field you want to transition into, and make incremental (and sustainable) choices.

And most importantly, remember that it’s all in the recovery. When you do over steer, gently return to centre, and then keep going. Keep that boat upright.

Get Real, like Sexy Real

Tara

Have a question for Tara? Have an idea for a Hump Day conversation? How about just some thoughts about this thing called life? Let us know here. We’ll answer back. We promise.

Dear Tina #1… What is the Story of this cancer?

March 18, 2016

It will be a year next month from when I picked up my cel phone while in Vegas during a conference to receive the news that the wacky black thing that had been growing in the back of my throat was indeed, not a tonsil crypt but instead was most definitely cancer.

Doc says: “We’re as shocked as you. While we knew there was a chance that it could be, none of us thought that this is what the biopsy would come back as. I wanted to reach you as soon as I could. I’m boarding a plane in ten minutes…”

Some doctors are called to be doctors. Clearly the level of mindfulness and care by my ears nose and throat specialist is from the ‘calling’ ilk. I wasn’t just a test result on a piece of paper. Note how I called him MY doctor. That happens when you’re handing your body over to an expert other than you.

He was going on vacation (or so I think), and wanted to catch me before he was unavailable in the air. He had left me a message the day before, but I don’t pick up voice mail that often (that’s what voice mail is for folks), so he left me a text to call him on his personal cel phone. To him, I was a mom, a wife, a writer, an artist. I have a history and a future and the sooner he could reach me the better.

To me, he is a man who cares, with a specialty in the ear nose and throat department. Thank you Dr. Smith. (No kidding, his name is Dr. Smith).

After the diagnosis came in… well, that’s a whole other post, book actually. It’s on the move through me but hasn’t arrived in full yet. For now, I want to share with you a little something that changed my life. That sounds ominous, and while cancer is totally that, what I stumbled into is not. See, a whole year before the C word arrived, I had started working with Chris Dierkes, whom I now call my ‘soul guy’ or the ‘soul dude’ of TinaOLife. He’s a soul interpreter (What the hell is that right? – no pun intended). Well, it’s difficult to explain the intangible (soul) with the tangible (words), but here it is in brief:

“Okay Tina, so think of it this way. I’m going go to the ‘soul library’ and check out your ‘book’. Then I’m going to read it and share it with you so you can fully realize it”.

Ohhhhhhh… that’s all. So, you’re taking my book out of the library? Cool. Got it. And then I’m going to get to know myself? Ohhh okay. Well, that’s how it made sense to me anyway.

See, soul work doesn’t make sense, it feels sense. For me that’s been my experience anyway.

So, what is the Dear Tina thing and how does it connect with cancer and with Chris and with soul work???

As you can imagine, post diagnosis, I was thrown into mental chaos. It was as if I was a pile of sticks: legs upon ribs, jaw upon pelvis, toes upon teeth, thoughts upon terror, blank upon nothingness, despair upon acceptance. I was sifting through the gnarly bits because within them was me, a timeless me. One who was here before my body arrived and one who would continue on once my body left. FYI… it’s not that I didn’t ‘get’ all of this before, it’s just that once I was thrust into the world of time passing without hearing a clock ticking because there is no fucking clock – well, it all just kinda fell into place because I was now out of the way. Trauma has a way of doing that. It cuts through the noise of what we call knowledge or understanding. Hmmmmm… like really? Who cares how much you think you know at times like this. It’s cliché but true, you can’t take it with you.

I couldn’t hear myself think anymore, or maybe that’s not really true. I could hear everything I thought, the issue was that everyone in my head was talking all at once. I couldn’t hear what I think… Just all what all of my experiences think. You get that right? All the voices in our head are just reactions to the various experiences we’ve had in our lifetime. I fell down the stairs once, now I have a voice that says: hold on to the railing. I’ve been heartbroken before, now I have a voice that says: go slow, trust slow if ever. I’ve been applauded before, now I have a voice that says: you rock, you got this, step out lady! See? Those are voices from my stories past, but they’re not me as in not, fully, wholly, without reaction me. Those are just my fragments talking (not soul fragments either – oh it’s so intricate isn’t it?).

So… there I was digging through bones from fragments past and I couldn’t hear the peaceful voice. You have one too. The voice that was with you when you were little and swinging your feet up to the sky all by yourself. The voice that woke you in the morning while you were still sleeping feeling the warm summer sun on your face. The voice that you hear when you were nestled deep, resting your cheek on your mama’s stretchy post baby belly. The voice you can sometimes hear as an adult if you spend enough time with yourself. That voice. That’s the one I was craving to hear.

So I started to write.

It came out without thinking.

I picked up a journal made for me by Ciel Ellis’ Thirsty Journals – (here’s the active link for the journals cause I know you’re gonna ask) and started writing.

Dear Tina…

and then just like that, with a few deep breaths and a lot of following instead of leading, I began to listen to the answers to many of my questions.

Some people call it automatic writing with the idea that the pen moves without you moving it, like a spirit coming through you – mehhhhhh… maybe. Who am I to say that it is or it isn’t? I’m not interested in holding a position on it, I just know that when I surrender to the process of letting the story tell me instead of the other way around, I can hear that loving, peaceful voice again and I’m 45 years old in the centre of crazy town and not five and blissed out on my mama’s lap.

I think of this process as more of a way to cut through the noise and really listen to what my innate wisdom (or soul) wants to say.

After the cancer diagnosis came in, I needed to write because I needed to hear. This is what this post is all about. It’s not about automatic writing and how to do it, it’s about what I heard and what I learned.

Here it is for you. I am starting a series of Dear Tina posts on TinaOLife as a way to invite you in to the world and words that speak to and through me.

Dear Tina, Dear Tina, Dear Dear Dear Tina, What is going on in my body?

(I often keep repeating myself until I feel the ‘click’ of letting go of my own thoughts – call it ego if you like).

Dear Tina, what is the story of this cancer in my body?

Why do you call it cancer Tina? It’s a name only. Breathe Tina, you may not be ready to hear this.

I am listening.

You are dying Tina. Your body is not dying. Your body is not dying. Your body is fine. Your body is holding a piece that is dying. You are dying. You as you as you have been is dying – this time this view of you is dying, this thought, this way is dying. You are dying Tina – your body is fine.

There have been years of you. There is years in the thing you call cancer. You can let it die. You can radiate it, chemo it, destroy it. You are dying, not your body. Let it die.

Let it leave your body. Let the doctors do what they must. You can let it die.

Do not fight the death of this, do not resist the death of this, this wants to die, and has been dead for a long time, the spirit of you died and has wanted to leave for a long time but you have kept holding on, kept transforming it into something else. It is time to let it die.

A new you is transcending – a new you is waiting to move in, a new you like teeth is ready to come down into place. This is death Tina and not the kind you know death to be.

Tina it is okay. Let it die. Your body is fine.

Soooooo… as you can imagine, I was a little startled. That’s the thing about surrendering to the unknown – you don’t know what’s gonna come out of you until it arrives.

My take on this, and let me tell you, the truth of this message knocked me down like the anvil of grief that it was, I got it. I had been living my ‘old, dramatic, deep, sad life’ for far too long. I had been building accomplishment after goal after success on top of a graveyard of grief, and it was costing me dearly. I was clutching and white knuckling the old dead scars of my story as my identity for so long that the powers that be decided to turn up the dial on my experience so I could wake the fuck up and decide to live.

Get it?

That’s enough for today’s Dear Tina… I just wanted to let you in. There will be more, I assure you. I jumped in today with Dear Tina for TinaOLife because I’ve been impossible to live with for the last week or so. I’m full of resentment and walking in a fog… I have had no idea why. I decided to ask myself for some more answers, but I’ll share what I discovered later. For now… consider yourself invited in.

Welcome.

p.s…. I’m feeling so much better. Clearly, all I needed was to be listened to. Thank you Dear Tina.

xxT.