This is from a box of poetry I uncovered in my office as I was tidying up. I can’t help but notice how self-conscious I feel about it now at fifty, like I want to hide my blossoming from the world as if it’s silly.
I am noticing how embarrassed I feel.
So I’m posting it.
I’m a mom, and as I watch my kid’s mortified fascination as they watch obnoxious videos of themselves at eleven or twelve, I can’t help but think of me here.
When my boys shrink back from their fresh-faced ridiculous selves in their young days, I want to hug them.
Because each stage of our life is a discovery.
And we discover who we truly are by our courage.
Courage to be seen.
Courage to be creative.
Courage to be naive.
Courage to be angry.
Courage to blossom.
So… here is a piece I wrote in my early twenties. It makes me want to cringe now, but then, I really felt like I was being bravely feminine.
I grew up with eight pretty rough and tough brothers and being ‘feminine’ made me a target.
When I remember that, this piece fills me with delight.
I WANT
…to wear candy apple
Red toe nail polish and put my hair in braids
…to go topless on a white beach in the Mediterranean.
I want to be held naked in the water
an ocean, or a lake
I want to wear sarongs
orange, turquoise, purple, emerald green
the colours of tropical fish
and walk barefoot in warm places
I want to ride my bike in France with the taste of exotic wines
on my lips
I want to meet a lover while I’m there
have him speak French to me
as we make love in his loft
I want to write
scads and scads of racy, erotic stories
and spread them around the world under a different name
I want one to come back to me
but read by someone else’s lips
I want to taste succulent
tangy, and salty things
fed to me at some ungodly hour with my eyes closed
and my mouth full of laughter
That’s what I want
more laughter, more desire, more fun
Oh yes,
and some terribly thrilling man who will feed me
mouthful, upon mouthful of
strawberries and cake
This poem was originally published on Medium.
To find out more about TinaO’s upcoming book: Story Stones and performances of her solo show O MY God, click here.
TinaO is a storyteller, performer, and a professional listener who works with narrative and story structure as a vehicle for human connection. Her work is rooted in Myth, Mysticism, and the practice of personal faith. She is the founder of Live Your Best Story, a weekend retreat of deep listening held on Bowen Island, BC, Canada and is the voice and story behind TinaOLife. Tina is a proud associate of PowHERhouse Impact Media Group where she listens and supports the ‘stories’ of whole and integrated leaders of tomorrow.
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